Saturday, June 25, 2005

The Minority Report

Despite what most people think about it, Alabama is a diverse state; as long as you think diverse means being either white or black. I’ve notice a drop in comments and rise in visits in the last week, so I’ve decided to reach out to the other half here in Alabama by letting some of my minority friends post on my blog. I was a minority in my high school and am privileged enough to have two friends that can give the black perspective of current events. I introduce to you Al’ Shabaz X and Gangsta Petey with the Minority Report:

Al’ Shabaz X: “ This week there was outrage in the Racist Republican Party because some white senator said that some white government was torturing black men in Gitmo. The real outrage is that this is just another example of the white man oppressing the black man.”

Gangsta Petey: “They aint black, yo. They’s like a tan. Black men don’t where towels and dresses. Why you called Al’ Shabaz anyway, and what’s with the dashiki?”

Al’ Shabaz X: “I threw off the chains of my racist slave name when I came to realize that I need to represent my true culture and heritage.”

Gangsta Petey: “Man, you from Northwest H-ville yo. Yo mama’s name is Sylvia. You just perpetrating.”

Al’ Shabaz X: “It’s uneducated brothers like you that will keep the black man from ever being respected. Moving on. There is a movement within the Nazi Republicans to make burning the flag unconstitutional. Now the white supremacists will stifle our lawful protest of their racist war.”

Gangsta Petey: “Hold up, G. The only brothas I know burning the flag are them Arabs and those tie die wearin Mutha F**kas. As hot as it is over in the desert, they shouldn’t be burnin nothin, and those tie die wearing Mutha Fu**kas smell like wet dog and chronic, thems guys should be washin something, not burnin nothin.”

Al’ Shabaz X: “Aren’t you late to your drive by and drug deal?.... In Aruba, a freaky deaky Dutch man raped an Alabama girl, killed her and ditched the body, but notice they have two brothers locked up for a white on white crime. Racism international all over the news. If it was a black girl from Alabama it wouldn’t have made the local paper."

Gangsta Petey: “Damn you seen this ho’s picture. That b**ch is fine, dog. What a waste of a perfectly good white girl. You know two brothas weren’t gonna let that white bread chicken sh** have all the fun yo. They probably waxed that a$$ to. The black brothas wouldn’t have capped her doe, can't pimp a dead ho.”

Al’ Shabaz X: “You’re so ghetto.”

Gangsta Petey: “Sheeit, you just a little Farakahn. Man, I’m audi G."

Al’ Shabaz X: “Be here next week for more examples of the racist government suppressing the black man.”


At 7:44 PM, Blogger Damian G. said...

Well, it sure was insensitive...
Ya "Flappy Bird" cracka.

At 7:55 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Hey how did you know Al' Shabaz X's nickname for me? I will let you know that every time he talks about my racist goverment he looks at me and says "No offense".

At 8:09 PM, Anonymous twoje kochanie said...

you are super funny . that right i love you so much

At 8:11 PM, Anonymous B-Cack said...

Yeah, everyone is trying to keep the brothers down, although being a white guy, I seem to have missed the meeting... can someone please send me the minutes, it has been good and long since I have oppressed anyone... thanks.

At 8:20 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

You probably had that rap music turned up to loud to hear the phone ring.

At 8:24 AM, Anonymous B-Cack said...

I had my Robert Goulet ringer turned up as loud as it goes... "Diggi Doggie dougee... your phone is ringing... GOULET!!!"

At 1:35 AM, Anonymous Uber said...


Real irony is rarely "sensitive".

Oh yeah, thanks for the blogroll, back at ya. And for becoming my first commenter..ever! And ya didn't even yell "FIRST!!!" Cuz you were sensitive to the possibility of being the *only* comment huh? Don't lie! LOL


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