Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Phat F.A.Q.s.

I have a lot of training in being interrogated (both army and being married) so I have decided to show you how it works.

FAQ: Tony why did you start blogging?

Dr. Phat Tony: I have a bad memory and thoughts fly through my skull all the time. I figured I should write them down so I wouldn’t forget them.

FAQ: Wouldn’t a pen and paper be easier?

Dr. Phat Tony: What’s a pen? Isn’t that some ancient tool for mothers to compare their children’s room to?

FAQ: Never mind. Do you think you’re funny?

Dr. Phat Tony: People have been laughing at me a long time. I just assume that I am.

FAQ: Laughing at you, or what you say?

Dr. Phat Tony: Next question.

FAQ: Is B-Cack real, or did you just make him up? Are any of the things you speak about real, or are you just one big liar?

Dr. Phat Tony: Wait, that was more than one question.

FAQ: Just answer it, jerky.

Dr. Phat Tony: B-Cack is real. The army stories are real, for the most part. I left a lot of stuff out that seemed inappropriate for people with common decency. I’m trying to keep it semi classy around this joint.

FAQ: What was the worse day ever for you?

Dr. Phat Tony: There I was, no sh**..….I laid in poison ivy for 4 days on a mission once. I didn’t realize it until I started walking to the extraction site and by the time I had gotten there, I had sweat through my BDUs. I had a rash from my neck all the way down to my…..um, yep that was the worse day.

FAQ: What was the best day ever for you?

Dr. Phat Tony: Jeez, I hope you don’t ask me stupid questions like, "If you were a pie, what kind of pie would you be?" Besides getting married, (standard answer for all married men, only exception is if you have kids then getting married is the second best day) I would have to say the first time I left a high performance aircraft without said aircraft being on the ground.

FAQ: What’s with the advertisements on the side of your web site? Did you sell out and go big corporation?

Dr. Phat Tony: Hardly. I’m trying to cash in like any capitalist. If people use the ads and buy something they wanted, mission accomplished. If a reader decides to throw me a buck, God bless ‘em. I’m the only employee around this place I have no one to oppress, so I know I wont get any filthy hippies protesting me.

FAQ: Think it will work?

Dr. Phat Tony: I doubt it, but my goal is small. First goal: get enough revenue to pay for stamp to send cable bill. Second goal: get enough revenue to pay for cable bill.

FAQ: If some one donates a million dollars to you will you keep blogging?

Dr. Phat Tony: Only if the donor wants me to.

FAQ: Any advise to the readers before we wrap this thing up.

Dr. Phat Tony: No, just a self plug. Tell everyone you know to read my stuff. 'Nuff said.

7 Comments:

At 7:12 PM, Blogger Damian G. said...

"If you were a pie, what kind of pie would you be?"

HA!!! Reminds me of those gay questions from "The Dating Game."
"Contestant No.1: If I were an ice cream cone, how would you eat me?"
"Well, I'd invite my friend over, and we'd have ourselves a double dip."
(AUDIENCE GOES "WHOOOOO!!!")
You get the picture.

Note: I acknowledge stealing this transcript from "Family Guy," so it's not plagiarism.

 
At 7:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i love you kochanie , im so proud of you babe
you love

 
At 4:22 AM, Blogger PoP said...

When you become rich and fanous don't forget the little people that helped make it all happen like your mom and me. I mean like we only gave you life and changed your diapers for 7 years. only joking about the giving you life part. One day you can change our diapers.

 
At 5:46 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

OK.
I'll read your stuff, and tell others.
Your check for a million dollars is almost in the mail.
*Now where can I get a stamp...?*

 
At 9:45 AM, Blogger mensabarbie said...

Hey, looking for trackbacks on your site to send ping to you and jimmyb (for my post today)...so here it is, instead. (((PING)))

 
At 10:05 AM, Blogger PoP said...

I'll gladly donate. come by and get some venison. need to make room in the freezer.

 
At 2:25 PM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

mmm...venison!

 

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