Saturday, June 11, 2005

A Phat History Lesson (part 1)

O.k., there I was, no sh**, (how all army stories begin) laying on the couch dreading going to work. It was September 1997, and I was going no where at the speed of a racing slug. I decided that my job was crap and was debating whether I wanted to continue working there. I turned on the tube and an Army commercial came on. One of those high speed "Be all that you can be" ones, not the gay "Army of one" commercials. I looked at the paratroopers jumping, high speed soldiers fast roping, and some rangers practicing small boat tactics, and said "I want to shoot some one."(or something to that effect) So, I called my job said: "I quit! Oh by the way I’m joining the army."

Called the recruiter, signed a whole bunch of papers and went to Nashville so some near sighted, old doctor could take a look at the brown eye.(It made me quite nervous when he told me to bend over and spread my cheeks then said: "you work out, huh?". He must be an expert in rears to be able to tell ones habits by looking at that.) So I scored well on my ASVAB, like a 96% correct.(for Army guys that’s a 126 GT score.) They asked me what I wanted to do in the Army, ‘cause my score was good enough to do anything I wanted. I simply asked what the hardest thing there was in the army. He showed me a film about airborne rangers that totally motivated me to kill.

Breezed through basic and airborne school. Then went to Ranger Indoctrination Program. I have to tell you I didn’t pass. Went through the course twice, and it just turned out that they didn’t want me there. It happens that way in the Army some times and I’m not bitter, I was sent to a much more elite unit anyway. (But if I see Sgt Blum anytime soon I’ll poke him with a sharp stick and run away.)

The story will continue in part 2.

A Phat History Lesson (Part 2)

A Phat History Lesson (Part 3)

A Phat History Lesson (Part 4)

A Phat History Lesson (Part 5)


At 10:18 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

You linked me.

That's it...I'm going to link you right back!

Take that, Doc!

Oh, yeah. Eagerly awaiting the rest of the story.

At 10:21 AM, Blogger spacemonkey said...

Hey, thats a good asvab score.
I did better. HAH!

At 10:22 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

I forgot I already told you...
I'm in blog surfing mode today.

Did you know there is like 8.432 gabillion blogs out there?


CUG (jimmyb)

At 10:24 AM, Blogger spacemonkey said...

its a comment storm!

At 10:25 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

I never said I was Smarter than a Monkey that has spaced travelled. Just a little smarter than a monkey that can't control his urges.

At 10:34 PM, Anonymous B-Cack said...

Phat TOny, good to see that you linked my monkey page to your comment section, (see above hypertext, "monkey that can't control his urges") Way cool, i like the site, but you need to steal more pics from mine... and use the Wookie debat... B-Cack


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