Sunday, June 12, 2005

A Phat History Lesson (Part 2)

A Phat History Lesson (Part 1)

So there I was, no sh**, On my way to Germany to join my unit. I arrived in Frankfurt early enough to go down town to have a bier (Germans spell things funny, and I was only 19 years old so I wanted to know what it was like to buy a bier legally). This was my first impression of Europe. I have to say that I never had been to a place that smelled like urine, vomit, and KY jelly before. It just so happens that outside of the main train station in Frankfurt is where the red light district is. This was also the first time I had ever seen anyone shoot up heroine ( in the middle of the sidewalk, at 2pm in the afternoon, while bleeding all over said sidewalk) What a great place. So I was one of the few chosen to go to the LRS company in Darmstadt. Turns out there are only two LRS companies left in the Army, one at Ft Brag and one in Darmstadt.

Now I wanted to let you in on how I got the incredibly stupid nick name but feel I must introduce you to the cast of characters that I would befriend during my time in the Army to give reference on why the Army is the home of the stupid nick name.

The cast:

B-Cack: I had known B-Cack when I was in RIP. His last name, taken to the shortest form is, B-Cack. Real name bald-weenie (I sh** you not that’s how it’s pronounced not how it is spelled.)

Puffy: Had nothing to do with his real name but he was put on an inhaler when he got pneumonia. We sure know how to treat the sick.

Expletive Delph: My (un)hated roommate. It seemed that there was nothing he couldn’t use the oh so famous f-bomb to describe. Whether he needed an adjective or an adverb he could always trust on the ever so faithful f-bomb to make his sentence eloquent.

Skinny Pimp: A commo guy that was way cooler than most of the commo guys. So what if he was a dirty leg commo f**k. He was like 6’6" and weighed in at an intimidating 165lbs. (almost looked 2 dimensional, we joked that if ever we were fired on he could just turn sideways and it would be like trying to shoot a playing card.)

Wookie Sap: He was an E-7 that people picked on relentlessly. He wasn’t the brightest bulb but a p t stud. Unfortunately when being joked on by other NCOs he would usually just state they were stupid and gay and make unintelligible sounds.

At last Phat Tony: My nickname wasn’t as clever. We were sitting my room watching the Simpson (the episode that Bart was a bartender for the mob) and since my last name shortened is Tony they all thought that having someone named Phat Tony would be cool. I’m sure that it was Fat at one time but the name was modified after people saw the caliber of women that I dated. The Dr. was added after seeing the weirdo Dr. Kenny's comments on IMAO saying he was a Dr. of some miniscule scope of science. I added it to spite him.

Son now you know a little more of the epic which is me. The story will continue in part 3.

A Phat History Lesson (Part 3)

A Phat History Lesson (Part 4)

A Phat History Lesson (Part 5)


At 3:42 PM, Blogger Damian G. said...

Cool story. Censored expletives rule!!!
Don't forget to write completely insensitive jokes about Elroy, the trolling moonbat who polluted my blog!

At 4:41 AM, Blogger mensabarbie said...

Encore, encore! waiting for more! ((pretty-please))

It is GREAT.

At 5:09 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Great story, Doc!
Blog on.

At 10:14 AM, Blogger PoP said...

It brings a tear to my eye. I'm so proud of you, son. Although I tried to get you to enlist in a technical field. There is not a very large market for killers who jump out of perfectly good airplanes. Now if you want to go down with the plane, theres an opening in a terrorist cell near you.
Love ya

At 11:04 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Heh I made an inadvertant rhyme at the end of that post.

At 7:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I want to hear more from Papa Phat. B-Cack

At 7:37 AM, Blogger PoP said...

Dear Anoymous Should we highjack his site, or just rat out some of the more stupid things he's done in the past

At 10:18 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Don't encourage him B-Cack. He'll probably get too excited, get up from his rocking shair too fast, and break a hip. Then I'll be forced to put him down.


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