Tuesday, June 21, 2005

A Phat History Lesson (Part 5)

A Phat History Lesson (Part 1)
A Phat History Lesson (Part 2)
A Phat History Lesson (Part 3)
A Phat History Lesson (Part 4)

No sh**, there I was, down one Muslim from the team and back at the bottom of the ladder. SSg Wrinkle Grommet Wasn’t in the best of moods but still didn’t bother me too much. Of course, I didn’t help things much by making jokes about how he needs to treat the new guy, Spc CID, to keep him from offing himself. Look, that’s the way the army is, you make a bunch of insensitive jokes.
So Spc CID comes to the team about 3 weeks after Mohammed meets the train. He was an MI Weenie but decided to join the Infantry to help gain rank. It’s easy to make rank in the Infantry and a lot of people in other MOS’s switch over to make NCO then go back to their pogue ways after getting the collar weight. Now Spc CID wasn’t much of a soldier, he was MI for Pete’s sake, and SSg Wrinkle Grommet had taken upon himself to make Spc CID a steely eyed killer. (Like ME)
He explained to Spc CID that he needed to toughen up and show some motivation, the Infantry wasn’t for the timid. I guess Spc CID wasn’t buying it. Maybe AIT (primary school for soldiers where you get your specialized training) just didn’t motivate him to kill enough. He was kind of fun to have around though. It turns out Spc CID hadn’t been put through all the army jokes at his old MI unit. We had him running around the whole company one day looking for a 9mm blank adapter (doesn’t exist) until he finally got sent to FSgt D-Bol who looked at him then said “What is wrong with you?”
Any way things were pretty much back to normal, then about 3 months after Spc CID had arrived all hell broke loose for SSg Wrinkle Grommet. We were standing in morning formation and SSg Wrinkle Grommet noticed the absence of Spc CID, so he sent his assistant team leader over to Spc CID’s apartment. The assistant team leader cam back with the dreaded news, Spc CID was gone. That’s right; he upped and got the heck out of dodge. Cleaned his apartment, packed his family up, took his wife and kid and hopped a plane back to the states.
Now the rumors start about Spc CID being a CID (criminal investigation division) special agent, there to investigate SSg Wrinkle Grommet about the whole ‘Mohammed catching a train’ thing. This pisses SSg Wrinkle Grommet off to no end and decides to take out his frustration on me, the lowest man on the ladder, AGAIN! I guess I didn’t help much with my ‘don’t kill a private today jokes’ during the time that Spc CID was there on our team, but still it was hell for me. Room inspections every day, smoke sessions (forced exercise until muscle failure) for hours, and all the crap jobs had become a daily routine. It came to a head one day after the regular daily room inspection when I was told that I didn’t vacuum my carpet. I did by the way, the carpet was as old as I was, and looked like crap. I was told to pack all my stuff up and move out into the hallway. Now I had been around long enough to have accumulated a lot of stuff. So to get over on the system I sold everything I couldn’t fit into my duffle bags to my roommate, Expletive Delph, to keep from having to move it. All though SSg Wrinkle Grommet couldn’t say much about that move, since I obeyed the letter of the law, he said it took me to long and the smoke session began. It got to the point that day where I couldn’t even move my arms. So after smoking me for 2 hours he then asked me if I wanted to go to the wood line (basically going to the wood line is settling your differences by doing some hand to hand combat training) I was mad enough to go but unfortunately my arms weren’t working well enough to swing with any sort of velocity. It would have been a slaughter and there is no point in being tired and beat up.
The worse 4 months of my life because of a Muslim and a MI weenie. SSg Wrinkle Grommet moved to a different unit just short of me losing my cool and going off in a way that would have landed me in a gulag. So here is to you SSg Wrinkle Grommet, I hope you catch a venereal disease.


At 10:15 AM, Blogger mensabarbie said...

You know.. shocking but true, SSg's are some of the nicest ppl you want to meet. So, I guess, thanks for taking the killings! ((^_^))
I Love your stories!

At 10:18 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

You forgot to say first. Also coming soon a Phat Interview With B-Cack. My people are talking to his people and we're going to do lunch or something....note to self: get people.


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