Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Reminiscing (A Phat History Lesson)

B-Cack called me this morning and we began reminiscing about the glory days. B-Cack graciously reminded me that there are military stories that start off with something other than “There I was, no sh**”. So here is one of those stories.

We were drinking one night, because of a great idea of mine to buy a bottle of Jack and see if 3 soldiers could empty it in enough time to still go out that evening and have some fun. It was me, Expletive Delph, and “Soldier That Will Remain Nameless”(For rest of story just Will) drinking that night. Shortly into our drinking, I realized that I didn’t really like Jack that much, which in turn has given Will a reason to blame me for the rest of the events that happened that evening because I didn’t drink my share of Jack.

After the bottle was finished, it was time to pick our destination and descend on it like barbaric hordes. Our target, Hard Rock 1. Hard Rock 1 was a Hard Rock Café knock off there in Darmstadt. Already being more than half lit, we bellied up to the bar and ordered the first round of beer. Expletive Delph took about one sip of his beer then got up to go to the latrine (army talk for toilet), which left me and Will at the bar guarding his beer. It’s during this time that I noticed a young frau down the bar from us. (Note: there is an abundance of women in Germany between the ages of 18-21 since they conscript all able body males into the army, plus German men are pansies.) Now, having consumed enough liquid courage, I decided to strike up some conversation with this woman. Will had become pretty consumed with trying to find the bottom of his liter beer and wasn’t very talkative and I was always on the look out for some Euro hospitality.
I thought for a second about the angle that I would use to approach this woman and decided that since she was smoking, I could ask her for a cigarette and that would get the ball rolling(note: all Euros smoke, even the non-smokers smoke socially). I turned to Will, since he spoke Deutcher talk, and asked him how to say, “Can I have a cigarette please.”
Will responded, “Haben sie ein cigaretten fur mich, bitte?”(my apologies to all people who can actually spell German words)
I said, “wait a second…one more time” It’s strange how the ears and mind don’t work together well after a few rounds.
Will repeated it for me and I practiced it a few times to myself to get it down.
Now normally being a drunk guy is quite attractive for the fairer sex. Stop laughing! I figured being as inebriated as I was that I was going to score for sure.
I turned to the woman, focused, she turned and made eye contact, then I let her have a piece of my amazing grasp on the German language.
“You got a cigarette for me…..bitte?”
I turned to Will, gave him the thumbs up for helping me out with the German and then refocused on the lady.
O.k. Don Juan I am not, but she did give me a cigarette and then quickly relocated her self some where far away from me. The lesbian! Oh well, at least I didn’t waste money on buying her a drink.
More happened that night, but I will save it for another post.

Reminiscing Part 2 (A Phat History Lesson)
For more Phat History:
A Phat History Lesson (Part 1)
A Phat History Lesson (Part 2)
A Phat History Lesson (Part 3)
A Phat History Lesson (Part 4)
A Phat History Lesson (Part 5)


At 6:18 PM, Anonymous B-Cack said...

Yes, Phat Tony is an avid believer in the art of "if they don't understand English, say it again, but LOUDER"! Because that will really make them understand... they are German man, not retards...

At 6:38 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

That's excluding their politicians right?

At 7:20 PM, Anonymous B-Cack said...

well... let me digress... Hmmmmmm
NO, HERM the GERM is pretty retarded

At 7:21 PM, Anonymous B-Cack said...

Read this outloud....


At 11:42 PM, Blogger mensabarbie said...

HA. great story...Too bad your German was as good as it was, cause "Care for a cigarette?" might have...(you know)

At 8:51 AM, Blogger a4g said...

She wanted you, Phat.

At 9:33 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

I am a sexy peice of man-candy.

At 10:16 AM, Blogger Uber said...

LOL You are a brave man, indeed. Maybe you should've tried the whole NY accented "How you doin'?" That always works!

At 11:05 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

B-Cack's alter ego Mario once asked a Deuthcher "Do you take in the Poopenheimer?" and got the response "Was est das? Was est das, poopenheimer?" I fell out of my chair when I heard him ask that poor deutcher lady that.

At 11:11 AM, Blogger banjodude said...

Dude, why is there not a new post?

At 12:29 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Give me a chance would ya. It'll be there by 7pm central.


Post a Comment

<< Home