Thursday, June 23, 2005

Stupid Questions and Accusations Response Team

A precision guided
humor assignment

There is a saying in the Army that holds true for most of the accusations that moon-batty senators sling at our soldiers and country. That saying is “admit nothing, deny everything, and make counter-accusations”. This is the way we should treat all ass-hat questions at a press conference caused by some wacky leftist’s remarks. For example:

NY Times reporter: “What do you have to say about Sen. Durbin’s comparison of Gitmo to Nazis, Communist regimes, and Pol Pot.?”
Response Team: “Sen. Durbin rapes goats in an attempt to breed the perfect Democrat candidate. He can not be trusted to give opinions on anything but on the best way to corner a goat. Next question.”

Washington Post reporter: “Is there any validity to what Congressman Maurice Hinchey said about Karl Rove being the cause of the memos used by Dan Rather?”
Response Team: “Congressman Hinchey and Dan Rather are lovers and are trying to pull attention away from the fact that their love child was put up for adoption years ago.”
Washington Post reporter: “Aren’t they both men?”
Response Team: “How sexist of you to think that only a man and a woman can have a child. Stupid homophobe. Next question.”

L.A. Times reporter: “What is the white house’s response to Rosie O’Donnel saying that President Bush should be tried at Hague for war crimes?”
Response Team: “Rosie is secretly adopting children so that she can eat them. This would explain her ability to remain as large and bloated as she does.”

That should be the way those kinds of questions are answered. Also to give our Response Team an air of authority, we will have three of them. One will be dressed as a general, another like a priest, and the last like a doctor. They can take turns answering questions depending on the style and silliness.


At 11:56 AM, Anonymous Steve said...


AMEN to those answers. LOL.

At 9:12 AM, Blogger David said...

OK, I'll take this as a workable substitute for "Off with their heads!"


At 7:58 PM, Anonymous basil said...

Oh, that's good stuff!!


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