Thursday, July 21, 2005

History of the Mullet (Part 2)


History of the Mullet (Part 1) Time for more mullet history from "lil"B-Cack

Moving ahead to Renaissance Italy in the late 1400’s and early 1500’s, the revival of art, literature, and science were all historical markers that can be recognized to this day. But the revival of art, literature, and science were not the only thing rediscovered from the Ancient Greeks, for the Mullet was reborn as well. Several significant scientific discoveries were made during the Italian Renaissance. Galileo Galilei was one of the most influential scientists of all time. He had an average sized mullet, but he had an incredible amount of mulle-“tude”, and mullet-rage. Like a true mullet, he had a problem with authority, and eventually his mulle-“tude” was so fierce, he got himself ex-communicated from the Catholic Church! Many fascinating piece of art, including the Mona Lisa, were made during this time as well. Now although Mona Lisa did not have a mullet, her famous creator had a gigantic one, a ratio of 3 inches to 15. Talk about major mulle-“tude”. He had no choice in this however. He was the illegitimate child of a notary and a peasant girl, who most likely worked at “Ye Old Titty Bar.” As a young child, Leonardo was teased and tormented by his peers, and decided to “show them” by growing a huge mullet and began working at the local workshop (a medieval Zip Lube if you will). Leonardo’s friend Michelangelo had a mullet as well. His mullet ratio was not as impressive as his friends, and it most closely resembles the “Flock of Sea-mullets” cut by today’s standards. This is not surprising at all considering that Michelangelo lived an “alternative lifestyle.” He enjoyed sculpting nude males! It was his lifestyle choice, but his “habits” also explain the haircut. He quaffed his mullet, and used it to pick up men. Mulle-“tude” for Michel: 1.2.

Around the same time, another famous Mullet in History made his way into history books. In 1492, Christopher Columbus sailed the ocean blue sporting the ever so popular “mudflap”. Although more of a Loch Ness mullet in spirit due to his obsessive compulsive fondness of water and big boats, and a complete lack of navigational skills, Christopher became the first European to set foot on what would later become American Soil with a rocking mullet. Columbus was in for a huge shock when he caught sight of the inhabitants of this strange land. These “Indians” also had mullets, only theirs were Tennessee Waterfalls. Ratios of 1 to 30 as far as the eye can see. This “navigational mishap” seemed to be a wonderful discovery, and the news of this new mullet haven was passed around quicker than a blunt at a Snoop Dogg concert.

To be continued.

11 Comments:

At 5:56 AM, Blogger Wyatt Earp said...

"Ye Old Titty Bar"

Brilliant!

 
At 7:15 AM, Blogger PoP said...

It's call a Gentleman's club here in Alabama. Don't ask why. Standing O for LiL B.

 
At 8:51 AM, Blogger Insolublog said...

I smell a large book deal, followed by a tenured position in an ivy league college of history.

 
At 2:27 PM, Anonymous Lil' B-Cack said...

Thanks for the comments!! Finally, people who embrace my talent!! And thanks Phat Tony for posting it for me, I appreciate it!

 
At 2:37 PM, Anonymous Larry Morin said...

Why does the b-cack not have his own blog?

 
At 3:04 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

B-Cack is too busy training to kill terrorists. He's still serving our country. Plus it takes both of us to come up with enough blog fodder to entertain the masses.

 
At 3:06 PM, Blogger Damian G. said...

Mullets would make a cool IMAO "Know Thy Enemy," don'cha think?

 
At 3:17 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

You think FrankJ would mind if I swiped his title?

 
At 5:24 PM, Anonymous Larry Morin said...

What exactly is b-cack? Is it slang for something, or is it b-cock with a New England accent?

 
At 8:12 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

My friends last name is actually pronounce "bald weenie"

 
At 8:17 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Read Phat History (part 2) for the whole story.

 

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