Friday, July 01, 2005

Initiation Time…”Ban the Dan”

My blog is a few weeks old now, and I’ve accomplished one of my goals already. Good news is, that I made enough money to get the postage stamp to send my cable bill. The bad news is, it was because Pay-Pal deposited 48 cents to confirm my bank account. It’s time for me to start doing some serious blogging though. I’ve already made fun of hippy protestors, ridiculed a left wing moon-bat, been linked on a larger website, and entered a carnival. Now it’s time for me to up the ante and be a part of the downfall of a reporter and/or politician. I don’t think I can be called a true blogger until I make a reporter and/or politician apologize or resign.
The target is Dan Satterfield the local weather guy. (O.k. so I’m starting small. I’ve only been blogging a few weeks anyway. What, did you think I could take down a prime time nationally syndicated reporter down?) This is also where my illustrious 11 (the new name for my readers) come in. Help me choose the best way to make this weather man resign and /or apologize. Here are some methods that I could use, in bullet form.

• The Truth: I’ve actually witnessed Disaster Dan give his own tornado warning for a county that was not on the National Weather Service list. He said that with the amount of experience that he had, he could issue this warning, because he couldn’t figure out why the National Weather Service hadn’t. I’m thinking possibly because that county was not in danger of having a tornado. He still told all the poor people to get out of their mobil homes and go lay in a ditch to avoid injury.
• Filthy Lies: I could also just start filthy lies, and see if those would be enough to knock him down a notch or two. For example; Disaster Dan sells children to rich Arab oil tycoons.
• Harmless Quotes: Another possibility would be to take something that he said, and twist and turn it till he has to apologize for the way we understood it. For instance; “The laws of time and space according to Isaac Newton were wrong!” I think he trying to say that Sir Isaac Newton is a dummy and that physics student, professors, and graduates are idiots for believing such nonsense.

Well, its time for you to set me straight on how I should proceed. I want desperately to make my blog ligitimate and taking down a person in the public view seems to be the next logical step. Use the comment section to give me advice. “Ban the Dan” has begun.


At 10:00 AM, Blogger Wyatt Earp said...

I like the Filthy Lies idea. Here's one:

I once locked up Disaster Dan for selling clothing without the silica packets - thus assuring they will grow moldy in a few years.

At 10:59 AM, Blogger mensabarbie said...

Weather correspondants relate best to a spin-on-spin approach (i.e. quote-twist) but, you could call in a mock-tornado warning outside his news room, as last ditch effort.

At 3:10 PM, Blogger Uber said...

My take-

Easy. Take a lesson from the MSM only be smarter about it. According to local cultural sensitivities decide what the worst thing the Dan man could possibly do is (insert filthy lie based on anonymous sources). Then take some of his past statements (insert spin). Twist and spin those statements like a tornado on crack and list them right after the filthy lie like they were in response to the filthy lie without actually coming right out and saying said statements were in response to said filthy lie. bwahahaha (insert evil hand-rubbing and maniacle laughter...for me...not you...that might look suspicious lol)


At 6:00 PM, Blogger Damian G. said...

Mess with the teleprompter.
He'll report an incoming storm, people will cancel their plans, it will actually be sunny, the people will get pissed off and he'll get fired. Yay!

At 7:21 AM, Blogger PoP said...

you can use the grocery store conspirousy. When ever the store is overstocked with milk and bread they just call Dan and whisper the word snow. Almost instantly the shelves are emptied by those who fear getting standed, and Dan gets his kick back.

At 7:23 AM, Blogger PoP said...

Damian G is more in line with why Dan is here. Check out Dan Sat's history in Oklahoma. Word has it he predicted a tornado that never occured.

At 10:05 AM, Blogger Blazin1 said...

Dan Satterfield Rules & Rules ALL!!! Sorry Tony. Need to find another target. Channel 31 & 48 have been through more weathermen since Dan got here than I can remember.

At 12:57 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

A dissenter in the ranks....hmmm.


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