Tuesday, August 02, 2005

4 out of 5 Dentists….

4 out of 5 dentists recommend cocaine over its redneck cousin Crystal Meth. Surprising most hill billy junkies, it turns out the backwoods concoction of ammonia and cold medicine is not so good for the pearly whites. “Meth mouth” is becoming an increasing problem in rural western states. Dr. Paskar said, “It looks like you told the person to stand up and took a sledgehammer to their mouth…”
Crystal meth manufacturer Jason said,”I can’t say whether it’s the meth or the lack of dental insurance. You know, jobs with dental insurance are hard to find these days, especially for meth heads.” Jason also noted, “This is probably just a conspiracy brought about by the cocaine industry. They see that we are coming into our own and just can’t handle the competition. I think Karl Rove had a hand in this.”

Even still, the dental schools are now offering “Meth Mouth 101” where they learn valuable information about the typical redneck cocaine abusers. One student went on the record saying, “I didn’t know people still had mullets. Who would take a drug that messes up your teeth and makes you a fashion victim? I’ll stick with animal tranquilizers thank you.”

Glenn a recovering meth addict said, “I’ll never be able to smile again. Crystal Meth has killt my teeth man.”

9 Comments:

At 5:29 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Does his girlfriend call him "My little gummy-bear" now?

 
At 7:53 AM, Blogger a4g said...

Doctor, do you have any suggestions for those of us that don't want this "Meth Mouth" but aren't keen on the bloody noses and suicidal paranoia of coke addiction?

And no, "Just Say No" is not an acceptable answer.

I've got a 24-7 blogging habit I have to support.

 
At 8:14 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

I would suggest red bull or a high sugar/caffeine content soft drink. Just remember that these products can also be harmful to teeth, brush regularly.

 
At 8:16 AM, Blogger Tyler D. said...

Jolt or Brawl works for me.

 
At 9:32 AM, Blogger Insolublog said...

Just transform your addiction into a religion and become it's number one extremist. Something like the prophet Blogohamed.

 
At 9:44 AM, Anonymous MEGABRAD said...

Helpful meth tip...

I always give my teeth a nice thick coat of spray-on primer (the kind for car bodys) before binging out on meth. The protective gray coating is then slowly eatin off by the meth in about a day, leaving my teeth shiny and white!
(note: Avoid overspray! Also, primer fumes can be harmful to your health. Use adaquate ventillation).

 
At 10:12 AM, Blogger Wyatt Earp said...

I'm surprised anyone recognized the difference between "Meth Mouth" and the usual train wreck that typifies Southerners' teeth. Tee hee hee!

(Insert rage from Doc, Tyler, Katey, etc.)

 
At 11:27 AM, Blogger Pebble said...

Oh those poor meth users. All that energy & euphoria and can't smile. Poor babies, my heart bleeds for them... Red, White & Blue blood of course.

 
At 5:58 PM, Anonymous Fitch said...

Meth, or lack of dental insurance? Wha? Hello. When your teeth fall out in 2 months, insurance has nothing to do with it.

 

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