Monday, August 22, 2005

Death by Doritos

Saddam has said that he will commit suicide in order to become a martyr for the Arab cause. Because he will not be able to blow himself up in a crowded public place, killing innocent people along with himself, his death will fall short of martyrdom. Arab leaders have said that in instead of killing innocent people, they might be able to stretch the rules this one time and grant him martyrdom if he would just make sure that no more pictures are released of him in his underpants.

When Saddam was asked how he would perform his suicide under the watchful eyes of the guards, he answered, “My soul and my existence is to be sacrificed for our precious Palestine and our beloved, patient and suffering Iraq. I will try taunting the guards and calling their mothers pig-dogs, until their American arrogance takes over and they kill me. If that doesn’t work, I will try to eat myself to death with Doritos, so that the rest of the Arab world can blame the evil American corporations for producing such a tasty, but harmful, food product. Jihad! Jihad! Mohammed Ali!”

11 Comments:

At 9:28 AM, Anonymous Fitch said...

First!!!

I will try to eat myself to death with Doritos Tell Saddam I already tried that. It doesn't work. Unless he was to choke on the vomit... Hmm... Now that's a good idea.

 
At 9:39 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Hahahah!
Mohammed Ali!

 
At 9:40 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

I think high blood pressure, plus stress from the impending trial might be enough to give him a heart attack.

 
At 10:06 AM, Blogger PoP said...

Pray to alla or Ala( Alabama ) that he survives until after the trial. then it will look more like a cop out.

 
At 10:20 AM, Blogger Insolublog said...

You can't trust the promises of Arabs. If he commits Doritoside, well all get to see him in his underwear, covered with fake cheese and corny shrapnel.

 
At 11:22 AM, Blogger a4g said...

So Saddam is going to commit suicide by feeling sad for the Palestinians?

Wow, he really is a hero.

 
At 11:31 AM, Blogger Uber said...

Perhaps we should give Helen Thomas unlimited access to Saddam's cell. The suicide duo ya might say. Even if she reneges Saddam will most certainly off himself were she to bunk w/him a little while.

 
At 12:27 PM, Blogger SeanS said...

He wouldn't even have to eat them. He could just bite down on one turned sideways, cut his mouth and bleed to death.

 
At 1:44 PM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Oooh!
I could shove one into his brain through his eye like a ninja!
(You automatically get ninja powers when you join the UAW.)

 
At 1:59 PM, Anonymous linda said...

This was too funny!

 
At 4:30 PM, Blogger kateykakes said...

Jimmy,

You're not right! Funny, but not right!

No wonder I like you! :p

 

Post a Comment

<< Home