Death by Doritos
Saddam has said that he will commit suicide in order to become a martyr for the Arab cause. Because he will not be able to blow himself up in a crowded public place, killing innocent people along with himself, his death will fall short of martyrdom. Arab leaders have said that in instead of killing innocent people, they might be able to stretch the rules this one time and grant him martyrdom if he would just make sure that no more pictures are released of him in his underpants.
When Saddam was asked how he would perform his suicide under the watchful eyes of the guards, he answered, “My soul and my existence is to be sacrificed for our precious Palestine and our beloved, patient and suffering Iraq. I will try taunting the guards and calling their mothers pig-dogs, until their American arrogance takes over and they kill me. If that doesn’t work, I will try to eat myself to death with Doritos, so that the rest of the Arab world can blame the evil American corporations for producing such a tasty, but harmful, food product. Jihad! Jihad! Mohammed Ali!”