Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Obligatory Swag Pitch

So I’ve got this store (see famous people wearing shirts on side bar, they’re not there just to be funny) and so far, I haven’t sold enough to actually get paid. I know people have money. I’ve heard about them and seen them on T.V. Unfortunately, it seems that none of them visit my site. So I’ve discounted all the swag in hopes to make enough sales to actually have a check cut to me.

Now, knowing that people don’t like to pay for anything unless there is a cause that the money is going for, I will explain what the money I make from selling swag will be used for.

  • First I will buy Pop a T-Shirt. He’s been begging people all over the blogs for them to buy him one. The first thing I will do will be to buy him some swag.
  • Expand my store to have different T-Shirt designs. I have to pay money to expand my store and I am full of ideas for new designs.
  • Buy my own domain name and server space. I have to get rid of the blogspot part of this deal. It will fit better on my swag.
  • Have a contest and have a give away. That’s right as soon as I make enough to actually afford my own products, I can have a contest and give some away.
  • Last is, send my non-existent kids to Harvard. I don’t have a kid yet but when I do, I will need lots of money to put them through Harvard, or at least bartending college.

Look at these noble causes that your money will be going to when you support my site by buying my swag. Now do the American thing and buy my products so I can get paid.

16 Comments:

At 10:46 AM, Blogger Cove Rebel said...

I was with you up until you mentioned Harvard. I wouldn't damn some poor kid to that elite leftist training ground. If you'd said Calhoun Community College I'd have been more likely to buy.

 
At 11:05 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

How 'bout bartending college. That's a skill that's needed.

 
At 11:24 AM, Anonymous Steve the Pirate said...

As soon as I get some cash, I'm going to be a DPT patron.

 
At 11:55 AM, Blogger PoP said...

DON'T LISTEN TO HIM. he plans to auction me off to the highest bidder. as soon as he gets his own domain name. Its a plot thought up by Karl Rove.

 
At 2:27 PM, Blogger fmragtops said...

Hey, Doc, if you meet some of those people with money you keep hearing about, tell them to send me some too.

 
At 3:01 PM, Anonymous Fitch said...

Umm... I fit into that "no money" category too. But hey, I'll take some of those freebies when you're ready to dole those out.

 
At 3:03 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey, great blog. Why not buy some killer swag?

 
At 3:05 PM, Anonymous Fitch said...

Holy bejeezus Tony! You're getting spammed by your own spambots!

 
At 4:13 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Stupid bot go forth and spread my swag else where.

 
At 6:45 PM, Blogger Uber said...

*sniff*
That was beautiful, Doc.

I bid two bucks for pops. Ya heard it here first! *g*

 
At 7:50 PM, Anonymous Fitch said...

Check out the article on wealthy blog readers found courtesy of a4g at Point Five

 
At 8:20 PM, Anonymous MEGABRAD said...

My list of things to do.
1) Get a job.
2) Buy Phat Tony Swag.
3) umm, still working on #3.

 
At 10:03 PM, Blogger The Anti-Hippie said...

sorry doc, no money, no credit card, no life... id take you up on the freebies tho... P.L.A.T.O. t-shirt to wear to my high school?

 
At 5:48 AM, Blogger Wyatt Earp said...

whore (hor), n. Unusually temptuous. a prostitute.

See also, Pamela Anderson, Paris ilton, Dr. Phat Tony.

 
At 5:48 AM, Blogger Wyatt Earp said...

Damnit!!! [H]ilton.

 
At 9:06 AM, Blogger Peakah said...

Tryin to trackback to ya doc and spread the word for ya but it's not workin.

Hopefully next time I hit the Hawaiian beach (in Oct maybe!) I'll be sure to have some as we say in upstate NY... SCHWAAAAAGGG (usually in reference to a particular plant that tended to grow quite wildly in my pop's basement)

 

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