Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Roger WILCO Over

You had some military questions and I have the FMs (Field Manuals) that have the answers. Military jargon will be used and most of it is completely insensitive so if any of colorful phrases offend you; drink water, eat your crackers and do some PT, this was always the standard answer I heard when I had a problem in the Military.

Steve the Pirate asks: “What's the best way to prepare for military basic training?”

DPT: I would normally say do PT, but honestly it doesn’t matter that much. The DIs (Drill Instructors) will whip you into shape. I went to Sand Hill, home of the infantry, for basic and these were the things that really take some getting used to. Say good bye to erections as they will disappear. There are no women at Sand Hill unless they work at the DFAC (dining facility). If you are going to some pogue (non-combat skill) basic training facility you might be able to retain that function but not at the basic training facility I went to. Also, be prepared to hear colorful language like, “Shut your c*ck holsters! (be quiet) Move expeditiously, and for you GED guys, ‘more quicklier’! (hurry up)” and someone will always offer to either “skull drag you” or do something completely illegal in the state of Georgia to you skull. If you can get over these things; Basic is a breeze.

Fitch asks: “When can we round up all the moonbats and shoot them in the face?”

DPT: It’s not a matter of when it’s how. We need another war, where more of them will volunteer to be human shields for bunkers. It’s not quite shooting them in the face but it’s a more effective way of getting rid of Moonbats.

A4G asks: “Is it more fun to squish a terrorist with a Bradley, or a Stryker? (This is really just that old tracks vs. tires argument.)”

DPT: I was never a real vehicle man in the army. I was Airborne Infantry, so I never even got to get on top of a track until I was out of the service. With that said, I think it’s a lot more novel to run over someone with a track. It’s easier to park on top of them and keep the vehicle stable. Regardless of how big the tires on a vehicle are, you hit a guy it makes for a large bump. On a track, once you have the track on said terrorist, you can jump out and take pictures with out all that backing up and pulling forward to make sure the wheel is centered on the terrorist.

Pop asks: “Why don't more hippies join the military where they can go camping, and commune with nature? Sing koom by ya around camp fires? Chant catchy slogans while marching? and protest the mistreatment of innocent people?”

DPT: Two things, mandatory showers and haircuts.

Insolublog asks: “What is meant by the term 'embedded reporter'?”

DPT: ‘Morale killer’ and ‘terrorist propagandist’ doesn’t look as good in print, so they went with something that had ‘bed’ in it. Sex sells.

CUG asks: “Why don't we nuke North Korea and shoot any survivors in the face?”

DPT: You can ask Pop how bad Korea smells, just in the summer time, imagine if you heated it up to tens of millions of degrees. Who ever is down wind from that stink bomb would have to move.

Wyatt Earp asks: “What exactly is the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell Policy?"

DPT: I don’t believe you are permitted to ask me that question, and it is my understanding that I do not have to answer. Actually the first name of the policy was “Don’t beat up the homo policy” but the higher ups thought it was pretty insensitive.

Fitch asks a follow up question: “Was my earlier question, about rounding up moonbats to shoot them in the face, cruel and insensitive?”

DPT: Just add ‘with all do respect’ in front of the question and you’ll be covered.

Uber asks: “What would be the best way to improve The Department of Homeland Security?”

DPT: To start, it really needs a cooler name like “Border Protection Hit Squad” or “PLATO Using Terrorist Hunters”. That would probably help some. Then they need to secure our borders, but that’s far less practical and politically manageable than the name change.

Well that’s all in this Q&A. It will come back in two weeks. Give me a few ideas for the next topic.


At 7:21 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Uhhh...slutty cheerleaders for a topic (with apologies to IMAO)?

At 7:24 AM, Blogger Wyatt Earp said...

How about rednecks and/or hillbillies. Give us yankees some learnin'.

At 8:16 AM, Blogger GunnNutt said...

Rats, I missed out on this one! Humble apologies DPT, I won't miss class again.

At 9:57 AM, Blogger SeanS said...

Topic: Border questions. (aka. why are the Minute Man considered racists by the left?)

At 10:23 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Pet accesories like rat wristwatches and badger hair-trimmers.

Oh, I pimped your swag on my latest post (the one with the puppy).
Let the CUGalanche begin...

Great answers, Doc! :)

At 11:00 AM, Blogger Pebble said...

I bet you could have some fun with this:

Credit Card Issued to Palestinian Bomber

At 3:56 PM, Blogger Uber said...

“Border Protection Hit Squad”

Oh yeah. I like.

At 5:00 PM, Anonymous Fitch said...

Similar to Wyatt, I think you should take questions about why Alabamians, such as yourself, are redneck, illiterate, drunken, hillbillies. For instance, with all due respect, why are Alabamians always marrying their cousins? This erudite, sophisticated, highly educated, intelligent, witty yankee needs to know these things. I loved the bit about placing "with all due respect" in there. Heh.

At 4:57 AM, Blogger PoP said...

I can answer that one. We keep hoping for that one hybrid vigor. Just keep the steriotyping going, it keeps them "foriners" from movin down here.

At 5:21 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Not really have ou not heard all the spanish around here lately.

At 8:04 AM, Blogger Dog Trainer said...

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