Saturday, August 06, 2005

Signs of Being Old

I have gone over some of the rules of being old with my coworkers. It’s unfortunate that some these apply to them. I figure that it is not one item off this list that makes you old, but usually a combination of a few items. If any of the things on the list describe you, especially more than one, put down the geritol and change your behavior to elongate you life.

  • You wake up at 6 am on Saturday, not to go to work, but to get a jump-start on the day because you hate traffic.
  • You eat dinner at 5pm, because if you don’t, indigestion will keep you up past your 9 o’clock bedtime.
  • You wear a baseball cap, because if you don’t your bald spot will get sunburned driving your Miata.
  • You own a Buick.
  • You have uttered the phrase, "..If those damn kids don’t get off my lawn…"
  • Your belt sits 2 inches above your navel.
  • You go to Vegas to watch the shows and nothing else.
  • Every piece of furniture you have has a history lesson for it.
  • You say, "When I was your age…" at least 3 times a day.
  • "Punk" always precedes "kids" when you speak about children.
  • You have your spouse rub Bengay on you as foreplay.
  • You actually read the spam that’s sent to your email inbox and wonder how they got your email address.
  • When looking at a scantily clad, attractive young woman you find yourself saying, "Couldn’t she find clothes that fit?"
  • Living dangerously means eating red meat.
  • The biggest decision you have during a week is whether to buy the albacore or regular tuna.

Now remember there are others but these seem to be the most common. If more than 2 of these describe you, go ahead and start shopping for a casket.

Now a covered dish at Basil's Blog


At 12:50 PM, Blogger Kate said...

Phew! I'm safe. It looks like I'll stay young for a LONG time to come.

BTW, "You have your spouse rub Bengay on you as foreplay" is a riot.

My God, you have such a warped mind. Don't ever change. ;)

At 1:29 PM, Blogger Wyatt Earp said...

You're safe??? Kate calls me a "punk kid" five times a day!!!

At 2:12 PM, Blogger Cove Rebel said...

Stop making fun of my pants you punk kid or I'm gonna have to get in my buick and come over a kick your arse! At least I wear clothes, unlike some you you punk kids that have 'em hangin' 'round your knees! When I was a kid...

oops, gotta go get those damn kids off my lawn!

Watch yourself buddy!


At 5:49 PM, Blogger Insolublog said...

My physician is concerned about the high Phat content in my diet.

At 6:12 PM, Anonymous Fitch said...

Thanks Tony! I thought I was getting old, but thanks to this list, clearly I'm not. Huzzah!

At 2:56 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Where's your picture site, again?
BTW, funny stuff.
For scantily clad girls, I usually say, "Daaaaaaammmmmn", and then say can't she find clothes that fit.
Does that mean I am young, and just on the cusp of being old.

Give it to me straight, Doctor. I can take it!

At 4:45 AM, Blogger PoP said...

No casket for me. i want to be cremated. and put in a tupperware container. CHEAP, the only way to fly.


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