How To Be Democrat Leader
I thought that some of my readers would like to go into politics sooner or later. Seeing that my swag sales have been less than stellar, I’m assuming most of my readers feel that things should be given away. This is definitely a Democrat quality. Well, I’m here to help you with a few pointers on how to be an elected Democrat official. So, here are some tips in bullet form. (Yay bullets)
- Read the Communist Manifesto twice.
- Remember that there are only two types of people the “haves” and the “have nots”. Never admit to being one of the “haves”.
- People are not wealthy because of hard work. They made their money by exploiting the poor, or winning the lottery of life. Remember you made your money by helping the poor.
- A good rule of thumb is that people are not able to take care of themselves and need the government to help them with all their decisions.
- If anyone disagrees with you, call them a Nazi. If they then say that calling them a Nazi was out of line, tell them to stop repressing your freedom of speech. If they then say anything to dispute that, call them a Nazi again. (Interchange extremist, fundamentalist, or religious zealot for Nazi at anytime)
- The environment is an important issue to you. It means lots of money from tree huggers. Never call environmentalists tree huggers; call them conservationists.
- Practice saying, “It was all George Bush’s fault.” and “None of this was my fault” in the mirror with a straight face.
- Minorities are your bread and butter. Make sure that you do everything you can to keep as many as possible on welfare so that they have to vote for you to make sure the money doesn’t stop coming to them. Never hire a minority and call the minorities that Republicans hire, puppets.
- If you are not a minority, make sure that you let everyone know that your best friends are minorities (but never hire them). If you are a minority, make sure that everyone knows that Republicans are a bunch of racists.
- It is not what you do as much as how you spin what was done to make you look good. If something good happens, you are always a part of it. If something bad happens, it’s George Bush’s fault.
- The Constitution is meant to be bent to support anything that keeps you in office. Call it a “living document”. People who think that the Constitution should be followed strictly are Nazis.
- Lastly, go here and sell your soul to make a pact with the devil to become elected.
As always trackbacked to Basil's Blog for the chance of traffic.