Tuesday, September 13, 2005

How To Be Democrat Leader

I thought that some of my readers would like to go into politics sooner or later. Seeing that my swag sales have been less than stellar, I’m assuming most of my readers feel that things should be given away. This is definitely a Democrat quality. Well, I’m here to help you with a few pointers on how to be an elected Democrat official. So, here are some tips in bullet form. (Yay bullets)

  • Read the Communist Manifesto twice.
  • Remember that there are only two types of people the “haves” and the “have nots”. Never admit to being one of the “haves”.
  • People are not wealthy because of hard work. They made their money by exploiting the poor, or winning the lottery of life. Remember you made your money by helping the poor.
  • A good rule of thumb is that people are not able to take care of themselves and need the government to help them with all their decisions.
  • If anyone disagrees with you, call them a Nazi. If they then say that calling them a Nazi was out of line, tell them to stop repressing your freedom of speech. If they then say anything to dispute that, call them a Nazi again. (Interchange extremist, fundamentalist, or religious zealot for Nazi at anytime)
  • The environment is an important issue to you. It means lots of money from tree huggers. Never call environmentalists tree huggers; call them conservationists.
  • Practice saying, “It was all George Bush’s fault.” and “None of this was my fault” in the mirror with a straight face.
  • Minorities are your bread and butter. Make sure that you do everything you can to keep as many as possible on welfare so that they have to vote for you to make sure the money doesn’t stop coming to them. Never hire a minority and call the minorities that Republicans hire, puppets.
  • If you are not a minority, make sure that you let everyone know that your best friends are minorities (but never hire them). If you are a minority, make sure that everyone knows that Republicans are a bunch of racists.
  • It is not what you do as much as how you spin what was done to make you look good. If something good happens, you are always a part of it. If something bad happens, it’s George Bush’s fault.
  • The Constitution is meant to be bent to support anything that keeps you in office. Call it a “living document”. People who think that the Constitution should be followed strictly are Nazis.
  • Lastly, go here and sell your soul to make a pact with the devil to become elected.

As always trackbacked to Basil's Blog for the chance of traffic.

17 Comments:

At 9:54 AM, Blogger a4g said...

* After you lose, remember: it's because you didn't get your message out. Reread the list and try extra hard next time.

 
At 9:56 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

No it's because the Republicans disifranchised the voters. ie Blame Bush

 
At 10:02 AM, Blogger PoP said...

I feel your pain. Don't forget I feel your pain. Then do nothing to prove it. This is not the time to place blame, but it was Bush's fault.

 
At 10:06 AM, Blogger Peakah said...

Man, I just found out how little my soul is worth... yikes.

Apparently booze devalues the soul...

 
At 10:07 AM, Anonymous MEGABRAD said...

Hey you!

You are a Nazi racist! You are wrecking the environment for me and my treehugger, oops, I mean Conservationist friends of the Earth! Peace I say! Give peace a chance! George Bush doesn't care about black people! Republican capitalist pigs MADE that hurricane with their weather machine! UFO's are real! Save the gay whales!!!!!!

Stop by my place if you get a chance. I'm having a "fire the jerk" contest. It's where YOU decide which jerk I fire from the company! Yes! Fun!

 
At 12:26 PM, Anonymous Steve said...

Nice Doc! I got half way through and passed out! Overdose on Dem drug!!

Gay Whales?? Would that be the "Hump Back Whale" Ha HA! Whew! I kill my self!!

 
At 1:46 PM, Anonymous MEGABRAD said...

Hahaha! Nice choice DPT. You're right. The name "Larry" would take more effort to erase from eveything. Thanks!

 
At 2:21 PM, Blogger SeanS said...

So that is where Arianna Huffington got her millions, from helping the poor! Wonder how much her soul was worth?

 
At 2:55 PM, Blogger Insolublog said...

Add this bullet I posted over at fmragtops.

Make sure you erect your own mountain of glory on the backs of the taxpayer or the charity of others. Do it like live shot John Forbes Kerry. Hop on a plane, fly over to to a fill-in-the-blank disaster and pass out other peoples donations. Smile for the camera.

 
At 3:51 PM, Anonymous Steve the Pirate said...

Another good one from the Doc.

Can I blame my lack of buying stuff on the fact that I'm a poor white male of Scottish descent living in a world which neither wants him nor values him?

...wait a sec, I sould too much like a lib. I swear I'll never do it again.

 
At 6:02 PM, Anonymous B-Cack said...

Dude, I would like to give you some credit for this but it honestly sounds like you took it of the DNC website. I think you forgot to cut and paste the one about cutting back on defense budgets and seriously jeapordizing the military..... and never wanting to use them unless it takes the heat off of your current embarrasing situation (ie getting a hummer in the oval office by a fat chick)

 
At 6:44 PM, Anonymous lil- b-cack said...

Holy crap! This is exactly what my Commy professors are trying to shove down my throat. You know, I've been there almost 1/2 a semester, and I know it should take me a full semester to learn this, but i'm a smart girl, IT'S ALL THE CORPORATIONS FAULT, MAN! They're all corporaty....
oh yeah... and George Bush is the devil....

 
At 7:18 PM, Anonymous B-Cack said...

You are so getting Birkenstocks and a Hemp Sweater for Christmas, oops I mean ....Chanukah!
PS I am officially changing your name back to "lil spender"

 
At 9:16 PM, Anonymous lil b-cack (aka lil spender) said...

Just because I have to be subjected to hippie propaganda for 6 hours a day, does NOT mean they have turned me into one of them (hemp sweater) or a lesbian (birkenstocks)!!!! I will not give into their liberal ways!!! I love guns!!! I love clubbing baby seals!!!!!!

 
At 9:38 PM, Blogger Uber said...

Haha

I just got a photoshopped image of Hilary's grinning face thrust between Joseph and Mary.

 
At 7:39 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

So much hate on this site.
I blame Bush.

 
At 4:43 PM, Anonymous Fitch said...

Doc, reading the communist manifesto twice is highly inadequate. Most people won't remember the entire thing after to read throughs. I suggest the handy pocket edition.

 

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