Thursday, September 22, 2005

Jesus Vrs. Jedi

So I have been thinking about it, and since I am already pretty much established on a highway to hell, I might as well post my latest pondering. I have been debating as to whether or not Jesus was a Jedi, and if so would he be as cool as Obi Wan Kenobi? Since the only real way to decide is to do a detailed comparison. Here goes;

Jesus: Has great robes
Obi Wan Kenobi: Also has great robes
Advantage: Tie

Jesus: Cool beard
Obi Wan Kenobi: You guessed it; has a cool beard
Advantage: Tie

Jesus: Walks on water
Obi Wan Kenobi: Can perform Jedi mind trick
Advantage: Jesus

Jesus: Hangs out with Mary Magdalene
Obi Wan Kenobi: Hangs out with Padme Amidala
Advantage: Obi Wan

Jesus: Savior of mankind
Obi Wan Kenobi: Savior of the Republic
Advantage: Tie

Jesus: Speaks in fables
Obi Wan Kenobi: Speaks in fables
Advantage: Tie

Jesus: Must resist Satan
Obi Wan Kenobi: Fights Darth Vader
Advantage: Jesus

Jesus: Wears sandals
Obi Wan Kenobi: Has cool boots
Advantage: Obi Wan

Jesus: Spent 40 days in desert
Obi Wan Kenobi: Lived on Tattoine for years
Advantage: Obi Wan

Jesus: Was resurrected on 3rd day
Obi Wan Kenobi: Made cameos in Empire and Return of the Jedi
Advantage: Jesus

Jesus: Is the light of the world
Obi Wan Kenobi: Has cool light saber
Advantage: Obi Wan

Jesus: Is worshipped by many
Obi Wan Kenobi: Is worshipped by uber dorks
Advantage: Jesus

Jesus: Preaches to the masses
Obi Wan Kenobi: Gave lectures to Anakin
Advantage: Jesus

Jesus: Children dress like him for church plays
Obi Wan Kenobi: Geeks dress like him for movie premiers
Advantage: Jesus

Obi Wan Kenobi: Doesn't have enough money to fix space ship
Jesus: Jew
Advantage: Jesus

I could go on for hours, but I have work to do... guess we will call Jesus the winner..... I can't be too sac religious........B-Cack OUT.


At 5:46 AM, Blogger GunnNutt said...

Very funny!!! (how do you come up with this stuff?)

At 7:40 AM, Anonymous Steve the Pirate said...

I can just see the Pope now...

"May the Force be with you."

At 8:35 AM, Blogger PoP said...

Now, wait. Mary Magdalene was a real fox. and Padme was a skinny little tease. Besides Mary did have that reputation ya know.

At 9:13 AM, Blogger Anna said...

OOoooooo, you in trouble now! ;)

At 5:49 PM, Anonymous mensa B said...

You know that walk in the rain...
(I'd seriously, do a re-think, at this time)...(-_=)

At 6:30 PM, Blogger Wyatt Earp said...

Don't worry, it'll be a DRY heat.

At 7:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


How do you know what Mary looked like? Oh, I forgot. You were there. LOL!! BTW, she would have to be a real fox to be better looking than Padme IMHO


At 10:40 PM, Anonymous mukrz said...

Jesus was no Jedi - if you ever slapped a Jedi's cheek you can bet your sorry a$$ that he's going to cut your arm off with his light saber and not turn his other cheek your way.

Jedi's lived by the sword, so unless Jesus is willing to take up the light saber, he better stay out of the way.

Jesus may have been able to turn water into wine, but I don't recall reading about him doing any Jedi mind tricks on any feeble-minded foes.

Jesus would definitely not fight alongside an army of clones - life can only begin at conception, between a man and woman, in the missionary position, and only if they are married and procreating for the purpose of creating a child(where did that come from?)

Jesus eschewed technology, Jedi's embrace it.

Jedi's would be cooler if they sat at a round table, eating roasted dead things, swilling ale and singing baudy songs of conquests in far-off star systems.

Jesus would be cooler if he weren't so goddamn meek.

Jedi's taught little children how to kill their enemies - I don't think that Jesus would be a member of a club like that.

We have cinematic proof that Obi Wan came back from the dead.

At 4:24 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

He did send demons into pigs(i think it was pigs) and have them run off a cliff to their death.

At 8:14 AM, Blogger Cove Rebel said...

And don't forget that the same "meek" Jesus will be coming back with a sword and casting many into the firey pit for eternity! That don't sound so meek to me.

I consider His first tour to have been a fair warning whilst handing out the rules.

At 12:13 PM, Anonymous B-Cack said...

Obviously MUKRZ can't tell a joke when he sees it. He must be a super star wars geek asshole, SEE LINK
he must have seen a new post on the internet that had "JEDI" in it and decided to check out Phat Tony's site. Loser, I bet you are going to be sad when you arrive in hell only to find out that Satan in not a Sith Lord, you fuckchop!

At 7:14 PM, Anonymous mukrz said...

mukrz is not a jedi, nor has he ever considered that field of employment.

b-cack needs to read mukrz's comment to b-cack's racist rant.

b-cack needs to decompress if he is no longer in a combat zone.

mukrz is a Star Wars fan, although, sadly, not an uber super geek asshole Star Wars fan.

mukrz did not find "JEDI" through Google (or any other search engine).

b-cack's reply to mukrz' comment has provided for the best belly laugh of mukrz' weekend!

mukrz did not write the original post, just commented on its obvious shortcomings and added some arguments.

mukrz does not know what a fuckchop is, but is sure that b-cack has eaten his fair share if he was in the military long enough.

mukrz CAN take a joke, but he also likes to share his obviously good taste in humor with the entire blog-reading world.

mukrz thinks b-cack should switch to de-caf.

mukrz never considered that Satan may be a Sith lord. hmmmmmmm... No, mukrz does not believe this to be the case.

At 7:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Jedi's for jesus rule


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