Monday, September 19, 2005

You Might Be An A$$hole

I stayed up late watching a movie Saturday night and noticed something that made me say, “Wow, those people are a$$holes.” I was watching Rounders and they were playing poker at a cigar lounge, and the people sitting at the table were describing their cigars with words like “bold, subtle, and after taste”. Never to let a chance to make a list using bullets, here is the “You might be an a$$hole” list.

  • You might be an a$$hole if you say that a multiple choice question test about math and English holds a cultural and racist bias.
  • You might be an a$$hole if you use words like “subtle, bold, and after taste” when describing drinks, smoke, or food.
  • You might be an a$$hole if you can tell the year a wine was made, by tasting it.
  • You might be an a$$hole if you talk about American beer tasting like piss, while holding a 3 carb lite beer.
  • You might be an a$$hole if you think that Communism and Socialism will work if the right people run it.
  • You might be an a$$hole if you are a liberal arts teacher badmouthing Capitalism while charging people for information that they can get from a book, free at the library.
  • You might be an a$$hole if you have a Green Peace sticker on the bumper of your Mercedes SUV.
  • You might be an a$$hole if you consider yourself a connoisseur of anything.
  • You might be an a$$hole if you give more money to a political organization than to a charity, but complain about the plight of the poor.
  • You might be an a$$hole if when anything bad happens, it’s a conspiracy, and when anything good happens, it’s a trick.
  • You might be an a$$hole if have a $50,000 car and a $35,000 house.
  • You might be an a$$hole if you are on welfare and vote.
  • You might be an a$$hole if you’ve ever said “If you support it so much, why don’t you join up?”
  • You might be an a$$hole if you have more than one bumper sticker on your car.

I’m sure there are more so feel free to continue the list in the comments.

Try some lunch at Basil's Blog

18 Comments:

At 11:00 AM, Blogger Insolublog said...

You are an a$$hole if you voted for Ted Kennedy.

 
At 12:00 PM, Blogger SeanS said...

You might be an a$$hole if you complain about greenhouse gasses and yet you protest nuclear power. Where is the power gonna come from?

 
At 12:06 PM, Blogger Uber said...

You might be an a**hole if you constantly rail about women's rights while expecting them "all" to behave and vote exactly as "you" say.

By the way, I find censoring the word a** on your blog to be very humorous for some unknown reason but I don't think it makes you an a**hole. haha

 
At 12:20 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

I try to live by the rules I set forth (only allowing people that are serving this country curse). Then again, I'm trying to change the way I speak. When I first left the service my language was shameful.

 
At 12:22 PM, Blogger Cove Rebel said...

I have two stickers on my car...does it count if the say "Screw the UN!" and "Got Border Security?"

 
At 12:30 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Do they overlap?

 
At 1:51 PM, Blogger David said...

Ahoy, great post sa'e for one small thin': today Is International Talk Like a Pirate Day, DPT, shiver me timbers! Surely you o' all the people on my blogroll would be an acti'e participant, Aye, me parrot concurs. Argh! ;-)

Arrr, for example, your openin' paragraph, translated via http://www.talklikeapirateday.com/translate/index.php:

"Aye, I stayed up late watchin' a mo'ie Saturday eve and noticed somethin' that made me say, “Wow, those people be a$$holes.” Me was watchin' Rounders and they war playin' poker at a cigar lounge, and the people sittin' at the table war describin' their cigars with words like “bold, subtle, and after taste”. Ne'er t' let a chance t' make a list usin' bullets, har is the “You might be an a$$hole” list. (Ye'll ne'er get me buried booty! Arr!)"

Ahoy, har's hopin' for a more conscientious obser'ance o' this great day in the future. (Gar, Where can I find a bottle o'rum?)

 
At 2:10 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Aye matey, you may be right, but t' make the post readible and hold an audience, it must be clear enough t' be read by the filthy land lubbers.
Gar.

 
At 3:09 PM, Blogger Anna said...

Argh! Ye may be an a**hat if ye be anyone who actually listens ta Bilgey Howard Dean!

(as an aside...the site for the Ben Franklin quotes is Marks Quotes Oh, and I like your site, too!)

 
At 3:55 PM, Blogger GunnNutt said...

Aaarrrg ye might be an a$$hole if ye protest t' war outside a military hospital! Double Aaarrrgggg!!!

 
At 7:11 PM, Blogger Toni said...

You might be an a$$hole if you're still driving around with John Kerry stickers on your vehicle.

This is a MN a$$hole...if you're driving around with a Paul Wellstone for Senate sticker from 2000 on your vehicle or if you have a Paul Wellstone sticker on your vehicle that says: What Would Paul Do?

DPT-I really like the welfare and vote a$$hole.

 
At 7:19 PM, Blogger GunnNutt said...

You might be an a$$hole if you live in Montgomery and you don't re-elect this guy.

 
At 8:20 PM, Blogger GunnNutt said...

Is this Joe Porter?

 
At 8:24 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Unfortunately that is not Joe Porter and thus does not run shit around here.

 
At 10:17 PM, Anonymous B-Cack said...

You are an asshole if you post my "racist" rant and then post another blog in front of it so noboday scrolls down to read MINE!

 
At 3:27 AM, Blogger Wyatt Earp said...

I hate a$$holes.

Sincerely,

The Connoisseur of Blogs, Wyatt

 
At 4:01 AM, Anonymous Steve the Pirate said...

Got my booty yesterday (on Talk Like a Pirate Day, nonetheless) and plan to have photographic evidence that there was, indeed, a contest to you by the end of the week.

Hell, I'm wearing it to work! I'm your walking advertisement!

 
At 1:53 PM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

If you're M. Moore, you are an a$$hole.
No "might" about it...

Heh. My word verification has sex in it.

 

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