Monday, October 24, 2005

Campaign Promises

As some of you may know, I was contemplating on running strolling for some office here in the district, city, county, or state. I’m not sure which office to run stroll for yet. Mostly because I don’t want to do the research to find out which one does the least amount of work and has next to no responsibility. Regardless of the fact that I don’t know which position I’m running strolling for, I think I can make a few generic campaign promises. So here are some campaign promises in bullet form.

• I promise as the ______ of the district, city, county, or state, that I will not have any type of sex with any intern. Along with this, I will not ask for definitions of “is” or “sex”.

• I promise as the ______ of the district, city, county, or state, that cronyism will be blatant and out there for everyone to see. I’m sure that I will owe a lot of people favors if I ever got elected for anything, and you got to take care of those people now don’t you.

• I promise as the ______ of the district, city, county, or state, that I will help beautify the area of my responsibility, by pushing legislation for an application to be topless in public view. No more 300lb guy without shirts mowing the yard.

• I promise as the ______ of the district, city, county, or state, that protests and rallies will now be held at the city water treatment facility or the waste burn facility. Since most people that go to rallies and protest stink they will probably not notice and they won’t hold up traffic there.

• I promise as the ______ of the district, city, county, or state, that no matter what happens I will blame someone else for the problem. The buck gets passed here.

• I promise as the ______ of the district, city, county, or state, that there will be a new hunting season in the summer. Hippy hunting will be allowed between May1 and September 10. Since they will be classified varmints and pest animals there will be no bag limit.

• I promise as the ______ of the district, city, county, or state, that 24” wheels will be outlawed for any vehicle that is not a full size truck or SUV. Punishment for repeat offenders will be to drive around with 14” wheels with spinner hubcaps.

Well this is just a start. As soon as I figure out what office is the most sham job then I will be able to tailor the rest of my promises. Vote Phat Tony.


At 6:56 AM, Blogger Nightcrawler said...

DPT, you got my vote! OH... FIRST!

By the way, I NEVER mow my yard with no shirt on. The wife would never stand for it!

At 6:59 AM, Blogger Insolublog said...

Your slogan:
Dr. Phat Tony: Honesty is his best policy.

At 8:18 AM, Anonymous Steve the Pirate said...

I'll give you my vote...

...if we see a little of that cronyism in action, if you know what I mean.

At 8:28 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If you like honesty, check out the honest boss. LOL!


At 8:46 AM, Blogger Nightcrawler said...

I want to be the Secretary of War!

At 10:15 AM, Blogger PoP said...

Would it be cronyism or nepatism if you selected your feeble nearly blind old man to be head of the board of topless licencing? Boobies.

At 10:20 AM, Blogger Wyatt Earp said...

Ya got my vote!

*cough* Police Commissioner *cough*

Dr. Phat Tony: A man who gets things done . . . as long as it doesn't involve household projects.

At 10:47 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Ya got my vote too!
Will you sell out of state hippy hunting liscences?

Of course, in Phat-land you will need an armorer, and of course, a little help from the unions!


At 11:35 AM, Blogger GunnNutt said...

Do women have to apply for topless licenses? If so, will Pop mind his manners and keep his hands to himself during the interview?

At 12:34 PM, Blogger Tyler D. said...

My position needs to be an armed position. (Because)

BTW *cough**cough**cough*

I need some water, this cold sucks.

You have my vote.

At 12:56 PM, Blogger Uber said...

That's an absolutely fabulous start, Doc. I'd vote for you twice just to see "certain individuals" be forced to drive around on 14" wheels. haha Maybe you should be a judge? Creative punishment seems to be your forte.

At 1:25 PM, Blogger kateykakes said...

I'd vote for you, Doc. :)

At 4:33 PM, Blogger a4g said...

Damn, I miss a day and Steve the Pirate is gunning for my cushy Press Secretary gig.

You should have cleared this through my office, Doctor. I would have noted that the proposed topless law applies only to men.

Man, you've got to tighten up the message management if you want to do this thing.

At 5:28 PM, Blogger Daniel Levesque said...

At last! Campaign ppromises that can be kept!

At 4:34 AM, Blogger PoP said...

Yes Gunn I only look. It is all that my wonderfull wife of 35 years will allow. Besides you may be packin. wouldn't want to go that route.

At 6:36 AM, Blogger Dan Trabue said...

In other words, the standard Republican platform?

At 6:40 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Dan, I'm glad you don't have long hair. Do you bathe regularly? If not you might want to stay out of the woods.

At 8:09 AM, Blogger Dan Trabue said...

Oh, love me, Tony! Don't shoot me, love me!

But if not, just tell me to go away and I shall.

(and my Christianity is no guise, friend. It is what it is.)

Your socialist weenie,


At 9:08 PM, Anonymous Fitch said...

Are you sure you only want the topless permit policy to apply to men only? I site an example Here

Also, don't forget, Vote for DPT, or I'll break your kneecaps


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