Friday, October 28, 2005

A List for Friday

Thanks to Cove Rebel, I have some funny to post today. These are a few things you will never hear a southern man say.

40. Oh I just couldn't, she's only sixteen.

39. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

38. Duct tape won't fix that.

37. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.

36. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken.

35. We don't keep firearms in this house.

34. Has anbody seen the sideburns trimmer.

33. You can't feed that to the dog.

32. I thought Graceland was tacky.

31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

30. Wrestling's fake.

29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

28. We're vegetarians.

27. Do you think my gut is too big?

26. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

25. Honey, we don't need another dog.

24. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?

23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

21. Spittin' is sucha nast habit.

20. I just couldn't find anything at Wal-Mart today.

19. Trim the fat off that steak.

18. Cappuccina tastes better than espresso.

17. The tires on that truck are too big.

16. I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

15. I've fot it all on the C: drive.

14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?

12. My fiance, Bobby Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

11. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

9. Checkmate.

8. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

6. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

5. I don't have a favorite college team.

4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

3. You all.

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

...and the number one....wait for it...

1. Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight.

12 Comments:

At 7:44 AM, Blogger Insolublog said...

I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

LOL! I'm not a southern man (except maybe in spirit) and you would never hear me saying that.

 
At 9:06 AM, Anonymous Steve said...

That rit thar is sum funny!!

 
At 9:25 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Maybe I should have modified it to say "Redneck".

 
At 9:58 AM, Blogger fmragtops said...

Are they gonna kick me out of Louisiana because I know the Saint Crispen's Day speech in Henry V because I saw the movie Tombstone 150 times??

 
At 10:45 AM, Blogger Uber said...

Funny! Especially, checkmate...haha

 
At 11:47 AM, Blogger Daniel Levesque said...

Funy man. Mean, but funny.

I also have a shameless plug to put here.
Since I running for President someday I have just posted what my platform issues would be if I was running this year. I would love to get some feedback.

www.ravingconservative.com

 
At 11:47 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

LOL Doc!
Northern redneck union guy reporting for duty!!!

 
At 11:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Southern man??? Sounds like any man to me.!!

 
At 1:28 PM, Blogger Contagion said...

I don't hear too many guys saying "Nope, no more for me. I'm drivin' tonight."

Well at least not in my part of Illinois.

 
At 6:13 PM, Blogger Anna said...

Got to send that list to Bub and Pa! 'Course, they might be offended! :)

 
At 9:35 PM, Anonymous MEGABRAD said...

Hahaha, Kickass!

Hey DPT. I feckin really dug that Peta guy vid you posted. I got one up that rivals it. Maybe you haven't seen it yet. Betcha can't watch it just once!

 
At 2:49 PM, Anonymous B-Cack said...

We all know that duct tape is called "Alabama Chrome" for a reason!

 

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