Thursday, October 13, 2005

Memorial Medical Conversation

Shortly after the hurricane had made landfall a conversation was overheard at the Memorial Medical Center in New Orleans and retold to me which is now being put down on my blog. Enjoy.

3 days after Katrina makes landfall.

Doctor: All right everyone let’s get ready to evacuate.

Patient: “cough”

Nurse: Doctor this man here just coughed.

Doctor: Well you know what to do.

Nurse brandishes hammer.

Nurse: O.k. sir, you might feel a dull pain for a second.

Patient: Wait, I didn’t cough.

Nurse: I heard you cough sir. We can’t waste our time trying to evacuate people who may not make it.

Patient: No, I cleared my throat. I didn’t cough.

Nurse: Sir, we don’t have time to argue. We need to start evacuating and you’re holding everyone up with your illness.

Patient: Look I’m not ill. I had some orange juice this morning and it makes my spit a little thick. All I did was clear my throat.

Nurse: Doctor, please come here. We have a patient that is refusing to accept his mercy killing.

Doctor: Sir I’m sorry that you are too ill to make the trip out of here. You’ll just have to accept your death gracefully.

Patient: I’m not sick.

Doctor: You can take this mercy killing the easy way or the hard way sir.

Patient: What the hell is the easy way? What are you going to hit me a whole bunch with the hammer if I take the hard way.

Doctor: Oh yeah, right. I’m sorry about the hammer sir but we ran out of medicine that would make people die quietly. There was an outbreak of pink eye on the third floor. In consolation the nurse has only had to hit one person more than once to put them down. I think the odds are good that it only takes one tap with you. After all you’re terminally ill.

Nurse: Hey that guy raised his hands when I tried to put him out of his misery. He didn’t count.

Patient: I’m not terminally anything. I was just clearing my throat.

Doctor: Denial is usually the first step. We just don't have time for you to make it all the way to acceptance.

Patient: I’m not going to let you do this.

Doctor: There are two reason you wouldn’t be able to evacuate. One is because you are too sick to make the trip and two is because you shoe is untied.

Patient: My shoe is untied? (bends over)

Nurse: WHACK!

Doctor: It was the way he would have wanted to go, peacefully and with dignity.

Nurse: Sure, whatever. Alright the rest of you, let’s get ready to evacuate. Hey you over there. Did I just see you rub your eye!?

The real story


At 6:04 AM, Blogger fmragtops said...

That soooo reminds me of the bring out your dead scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Freakin' hilarious, Doc.


At 6:25 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

It was very Monty Python-esqe.

At 6:44 AM, Blogger GunnNutt said...

"Can I have your liver?"

HAHAHAHA *sniff* Good one, Doc.

At 6:46 AM, Blogger Modern Day Estella said...

Absolutely brilliant - the Monty Python boys couldn't have (and didn't) done it any better!

At 6:51 AM, Blogger a4g said...

I always thought there was something shifty about orange juice.

At 6:55 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

I guess that would be the moral of the story. Don't drink orange juice in New Orleans.

At 6:55 AM, Blogger a4g said...

Oh, and here's another case, Doctor. A terminally ill man asserts that he WANTS to be artificially fed and hydrated when he becomes too weak to communicate.

British courts: Sorry, sucker. That's for your (state funded) doctors to decide.

(This, and the prospect of HillaryCare, should serve as a cautionary tale for those who are talking about third-party voting in the wake of the Miers brouhaha.)

At 6:59 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

He should have laid off the orange juice.

At 7:06 AM, Blogger fmragtops said...

Can you get orange juice without vodka in New Orleans? I've never tried.

At 8:43 AM, Anonymous Steve the Pirate said...

I smell a Carnival of Comedy entry...

At 9:38 AM, Blogger Daniel Levesque said...

This is funny, but the real story is infuriating. First Abortion, then Terry Schiavo, now this crap! I'm telling you, the culture of death won't be satisfied until we're all required to meet certain standards to be allowed to live.

And Dr. You earned yourself a sidebar at my blog. I hope you'll link me in return.

At 10:38 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Top notch, Doc!
Thanks for the laughs!!!

At 12:12 PM, Blogger Uber said...

Definite Carnival material!

I've always been suspicious of OJ...and grapefruit juice...ack.

At 12:16 PM, Blogger Tyler D. said...



At 4:08 PM, Blogger Insolublog said...

I have to mirror the roller coaster sentiment. I was laughing along with the story, until I clicked the link and was treated to real ghouls. Good post!

At 10:20 PM, Blogger Nightcrawler said...

Were any of the nurses beating cats against the wall? Did they have a shrubbery? These questions must be answered! Let's have a congressional inquiry!

At 2:20 AM, Blogger SeanS said...

Arrrgh! Doc gave me pink eye!

Wait, those are tears of laughter!

At 7:15 AM, Blogger PoP said...

Did you say pink eye? Where's the Hammer?


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