Thursday, October 27, 2005

Running Gags, Army Style (A Phat History Lesson)


Gunnnut directing me to a great post by a soldier that shared a story about the Atomic Sit-Up. It’s one of the standards when it comes to humor in the Army. After reading the post, I started thinking about a few of the gags my platoon played on each other during my time in the Army. My platoon was partial to running gags. There were two that I remember being played on two individuals that I thought were funny.

The first running gag was being played on an E-6 named Ranger Mac. Basically Ranger Mac hated chicken stew MREs more than anything else in life. He would literally make his soldiers trade other MREs for his chicken stew MRE. Everyone has a preference I guess, but Ranger Mac went to the extremes to make sure he never had to eat the chicken stew. After seeing this weakness his soldiers decided to make sure that he ended up with chicken stew every chance they got. Black ops were pulled to ensure that chicken stew ended up in his rucksack before all the field problems. The best move that they made was when Ranger Mac came upstairs with a case of MREs and let his team know that this was his case, and no one was allowed to touch it. Shortly after he left his case of MREs alone, surgery was performed on this case and was filled with nothing but chicken stew MREs and then carefully put back together to look as though it was still a brand new case. Once out in the field he opened the case and started preparing to go on the field problem. He reached into the case, pulled out a chicken stew. He threw this one to a soldier and said something like, “What are the odds that the first one I grab out of the box is a chicken stew?” He then reached in and grabbed the next MRE; again a chicken stew. He caught on after this one and started throwing chicken stew everywhere. Good times, huh? Before Ranger Mac left the unit, a carefully placed package of chicken stew was placed in his large container of whey protein, about half way down in it. 3 months later when he reached that spot, a phone call was made to the unit with him yelling at my buddies about how a chicken stew ended up in his whey protein.

The next running gag that was going on was on Lt. Catfish. Unfortunately, I had no hand in this as it was just slightly before my time. I did witness evidence of the prank but it was long after Lt Catfish left. When my unit was deployed to Bosnia there were two things there was a lot of; one was free time, and the other was porn. Don’t be too upset about the porn, it’s just the way things had to be when deployed. Now in the back of porn mags there is an inordinate amount of gay porn advertisements. I have no idea why, but there was. Instead of letting these “Richard pics” go to waste, the platoon decide to cut them out and strategically place them throughout Lt Catfish’s equipment. It went so far that whenever Lt Catfish opened anything there would be a one eyed monster staring at him. Shirt pockets, ammo pouches, canteen cups, pinned inside his patrol cap, and anywhere else the platoon could get one without him knowing. The best “Richard pic” story was when Lt Catfish had to give a briefing to a full bird Colonel and he opened up his planner and a “Richard pic” fell out onto the table. Lt Catfish stood there dumfounded and embarrassed and could only say, “My guys think it’s funny.” Occasionally we would receive a phone call from Lt Catfish complaining that he was still finding these pics in his stuff, long after he left the unit.

Pretty funny gags, huh?

13 Comments:

At 5:59 AM, Blogger GunnNutt said...

Cruel, very cruel! And funny as hell!!!

 
At 6:09 AM, Blogger PoP said...

It brings back fond memories of my days in the Army. we BBQed another comany's mascot goat and invited them to the cook out.

 
At 7:31 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Evil!
Hilarious, too!

Yay! More Phat history lessons!!
Keep 'em coming, Doc!

 
At 8:10 AM, Anonymous Steve the Pirate said...

Heh...I kinda feel sorry for Lt. Catfish, but it's still funny as hell.

 
At 8:14 AM, Blogger Nightcrawler said...

LOL... that was great. Any officer that would have been surprised by the "Richard pic" has no business being in command. I'd bet that when Lt. Catfish left, he was busting up.

 
At 8:48 AM, Anonymous Steve said...

That was funny!

Yesss ssir!

 
At 1:16 PM, Blogger Contagion said...

ROFL... ahh... nothing like a good cruel prank to make your day.

 
At 1:16 PM, Blogger Daniel Levesque said...

Ah yes, the atomic sit-up. It has both a fully clothed and a bareassed version and it funny either way.
Here's an Army story from my dental clinic. We have a lot of topical anesthetic in the clinic. So when the wife of one of our doc's had a prank pulled on her at her unit the doc concocted an evil plan. He gave a bottle of topical anesthetic to his wife and had her apply it to the lips of every can of beer her unit had stored up for an upcoming party. When the party came around everyone started drinking, and before too long their lips and tongues went numb, and it got worse with every beer they drank, and they complained about it all the while, unable to figure out what was wrong with the beer. Six months later everyone was still trying to figure out what happened to the beer.

www.ravingconservative.com

 
At 3:56 PM, Blogger a4g said...

Once upon a time, my buddy and I used to repo cars for a small used car dealership. The two of us hatched a plan, and convinced all the salesmen to go along with a joke on the owner.

One day, we all got in early and moved every single car off the lot, to the parking area behind the supermarket across the street. We had... "acquired" some yellow "POLICE LINE - DO NOT CROSS" tape, which we strung around the building. When the owner got in, we had one of the salesmen screaming about how "the FBI or somebody came in and took all the loan records!"

Damn near killed the owner-- especially since everything you think about sleazy car dealers was about 1/10th of what this guy was up to. After we fessed up, he ripped us all new ones, started screaming about insurance liabilities, etc., etc.

Nobody was sorry we did it.

I'm still not.

 
At 4:07 PM, Anonymous Fitch said...

Bwaaaaahahaha! Super funny Doc.

 
At 8:34 PM, Anonymous B-Cack said...

Don't forget the time downrange when I mailed him a chicken stew main meal box like a postcard, supposedly he put that up next to the team photo!

 
At 6:10 PM, Blogger Tyler D. said...

I agree with Jimmy B.

 
At 5:14 PM, Blogger JermCool said...

Good times, good times.

Of course, there are always the classics of sending the new Second Lieutentant out for a spool of flightline, chemlite batteries, polarized fuses, squelch grease, or waveguide tape (Signal Corps prank).

I did a lot of pushups during my Army life...

 

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