Friday, October 14, 2005

WTF of the Week

Last night I went to a CERT (Community Emergency Response Team) class. I figured I would check out the class and see if it was something that would be good for the company I work for. What I found had me scratching my head in disbelief. The information given out in the class is decent and well intended. The bad news is that the people attending the class give me the distinct feeling that I will need to buy more weapons so that I can defend myself from these weirdoes.

First let me explain the whole CERT thing. People in CERT, which volunteer for a team, are used to respond to and help other professional groups that also respond to disasters. You might see them occasionally on the news. They wear green vests with CERT written on the back of them and are usually handing out water, directing traffic, or doing searches. This is definitely a noble cause that could help with recovery after a disaster. The unfortunate part is that the majority of the people I saw at the class last night probably don’t have the ability to help themselves much less me. I wouldn’t let these wackos come within 100 yards of my home or family. Let me clue you in on what I’m talking about.

First there was the ever present know-it-all in the class that felt compelled to elaborate or give a personal story after the instructor said anything. Every class that I’ve ever been to always has one. This class had two and they would “one up” each other taking up my precious time. I was about ready to stand up and leave till someone offered a pretty funny comment as they were in one of there “Well I saw (add disaster that would top last comment here”. The guy just said “The cheetah is the fastest land animal” as loud as he could as they were in the middle trying to give obscure facts and references. I laughed and they finally shut up.

The next type of person that was there was the “hero”. Everyone knows some one like this. They are the people that talk about the time that they helped some one in a car accident, or gave first aid to some one in Wal Mart. Mostly they’re full of crap and probably would pass out at the sight of blood. They talk a good game but I’ve found that the people who talk the most about helping people are usually the most inept when it comes time to actually do something. God help whoever they try to help.

The last one, and the one that scares me the most, is the Alabama militia. I didn’t even know that there was a militia in Alabama, but I can see why they would try to stay out of the news. I saw a few people wearing BDUs, but noticed that they were wearing class A rank on them and had some kind of funky unit patch. I thought it had something to do with police academy at first. But, then as everyone started to introduce themselves, they said their name and rank in the Alabama State Defense Force. That’s fricken scary. I did some research and found their website and now am saving my money to buy me weapons, lots or them. The scariest part is this, and I quote, “If required, the Alabama State Defense Force will occupy and secure armories and other essential areas designated by the Governor; assist local and state law enforcement agencies in the preservation of law and order; perform security missions at vital installations and protect life and property in case of natural disaster.” Over my dead body with hands gripping a rifle, will I accept an order from a wackadoo in a uniform impersonating a soldier. I sure hope the governor has the sense never to call upon these people to do anything. I digress, next week when I go back to the class I’ll pay more attention to these weirdoes.

16 Comments:

At 6:09 AM, Blogger a4g said...

Hey, Doctor, give the ASDF a break. After all, Advanced Dungeons & Dragons gets boring after a while.

Besides, ASDF is easy to type with one hand while you're surfing for pr0n.

 
At 8:32 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

The bad news is that the people attending the class give me the distinct feeling that I will need to buy more weapons so that I can defend myself from these weirdoes.

The bright side is, you'll have more weapons!!!
Sweeeet.

 
At 10:08 AM, Blogger GunnNutt said...

As Constable of H-Ville you'd probably have authority over the ASDF and be able to deploy them to, say New Orleans? At least they'd be away from your house.

 
At 10:38 AM, Blogger Uber said...

I'm pretty sure the FBI is watching that militia pretty close, Doc, and not for the purpose of ever 'calling on them'. haha Not to worry.

Oh and my hero story.

Once, when in a resturant by the beach, there was this man choking on a shrimp...I sat there saying "Oh my God, somebody do something!" over and over and somebody did and he lived! *g*

 
At 1:06 PM, Anonymous B-Cack said...

These are the same group of guys whose mettle composes the 1st New Mexico militia, ( not to be confused with my militia, the New Mexico 51st Indigenous Irregulars). I noticed that the lowest ranking guy there was a Light Colonel, eveyone else was between full bird and 3 stars, WTF over? Take it sleazy, 500G

 
At 1:27 PM, Blogger David said...

Yeh, have to say the only time I've had to help anyone in a life-or-death sitch I was scared shitless. A total wreck. I just knew I was doing everything wrong (and sure enough, I did break some ribs along the way), and was never so glad to be taken off the hot seat as I was when the EMTs got there.

Anyone who enjoys playing the hero or pretends they know it all is fucking lying--to themselves and others--or crazy. (BTW, the EMTs knew when they were outa their depth: they called and were met on the way to the hospital--which was in another county, cos no local facilities in America's Third World County™--by more experienced people with better equipment--so much for "know-it-alls?)

Just gimme folks who know their limits and do the best they can, KNOWING they're just stickin' their finger in the dyke, as it were.

 
At 1:30 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

David, have you been talking to Insolublog?

 
At 5:04 PM, Blogger Cove Rebel said...

Good Lord man, give those old retired ASDF guys a break. They are actually a state run and organized group that fall under the authority of the State Adj General and Governor. Kinda like the old guys guarding the beaches in England during WWII- break glass in case of _______.

I'd be less worried about them coming after you, than say, the jack-booted ATF or any other BS US Government group, or even the men in white with the padded cell truck. Hell, the ACLU will probably get you firts.

 
At 5:12 PM, Blogger Cove Rebel said...

Oh and I am sooooo glad I recommended that class to your boss! hahahahahahahaha!

 
At 5:52 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

I'm sorry but people who impersonate soldiers in times of a disaster are scary. Why aren't you there Cove, it might be bareable if someone else was there to collaborate my story.

 
At 6:21 PM, Blogger Cove Rebel said...

I can verify your story and I don't even have to be there. Right after I got out of the Army, I checked out the ASDF, went to a meeting... boy how scary! I truely believe many of them are good intentioned with the welfare of the State in mind, but they seem waaaaaaaaaaaay to old and waaaaaaaaaaaay to eager to jump back in.

And we have a "spring butt" story-teller in my fire department (and no, it is not me) so I feel your pain.

One of your story tellers isn't named Paul is he? Civil Air Patrol?

 
At 4:01 AM, Anonymous Jo said...

I'm going to remember the Cheetah remark -- but OMG I didn't know AL had it's own Army ... "Honey, were is the gun safe key again?" :)

 
At 6:17 AM, Blogger Cove Rebel said...

All you guys need to check out "Self Defense Forces." There are MANY States that have them.

 
At 6:19 AM, Blogger Cove Rebel said...

um...make that "STATE Defense Force"

 
At 6:21 AM, Blogger Cove Rebel said...

http://clarkhoward.com/topics/defense_forces.html

 
At 3:34 PM, Blogger Daniel Levesque said...

You have to be careful when you judge a militia. Some are wackos to be sure, but others are good-hearted patriotic Americans who believe that what they are doing is for the communal good.

www.ravingconservative.com

 

Post a Comment

<< Home