Friday, November 11, 2005

Clubbin’ (A Phat History Lesson)


Because it’s Veterans Day, I’m going to regale you with another Army story. True this one doesn’t have much to do with the Army but all the characters in it were soldiers.

We were drinking one night, me, B-Cack, Puffy, Expletive Delph, CW, and Will, all at the Heinerfest, downing liters of beer. Heinerfest was Darmstadt’s summer fest which occurred the first week of July every year. Me and my buddies had only been in country for a few weeks and this was our first chance to really make a$$es of ourselves in Germany. After drinking quite of few rounds and demolishing a few tables, the beer tent closed down. We, of course, weren’t ready to call it a night yet. After a bit of discussion, all of decided to move our party to a new place so that we could finish defiling ourselves in public. It was only midnight but not knowing the city real well yet, we weren’t quite sure where to move our party. Luckily, spotlights were seen across town signaling to us that there was some type of club still open. Off we went in search of the club.

We decided against using a taxi, didn’t want to waste drink money, and rode our sneakers across town. All was well and we were actually making decent progress we came to an unexpected halt. We could see the club, it was only about 500m from us, but a large manufacturing company lay between us and the opportunity to drink more. The road we were on was a dead end and to circumvent it would require us wasting more time and also wasting the buzz we had accumulated at the beer tent. The solution was that we would scale the gate, run across the plant, scale another gate, and then hot step it to the club, doing all of these things without being caught of course. So, just like the obstacle course in basic, we cruise through this plant quickly and race down the street to distance ourselves from the obvious crime that had just been committed and got in line to enter the club.

German clubs are a little different than the ones here in the states. You don’t pay as you go; you get a card as you enter and they keep track of how much you drink, so that you have to pay to get out. At the end of the night all the people that are stuck in the club get halled off by the police for not paying the bar tab. I offered to pay for one card for every one, it amounted to 60 marks a person, and everyone could pay me back once we got back on base where the ATM was.

Everyone had a decent time, minus Will as he hated techno, and at 3 am it was decided that it was time to wrap things up. We got in line to pay the cashier and get out. I collected everyone’s cards but Expletive Delph had lost his. This was o.k. because they would just make me pay the full amount of the card before we could leave. I told the cashier that I was paying for everyone, she gave me the amount, and I paid it. We started filing through the turnstile and when Expletive Delph went to walk through, the turnstile locked up. I asked the cashier what was happening and she told me that he didn’t pay. I argued with her for a while, insisting that I just paid for everyone to no avail. Expletive Delph told me not to worry about it he would figure out a way to meet us outside. The rest of went outside to wait for Delph. After about 30 min, Will was starting to get pissed and the rest of were ready to go home. We didn’t want to ditch Delph but he was taking too long. B-Cack volunteered to go inside and hurry him up. So off B-Cack went, back into the club, to help Delph escape. Now outside over the front of the club was a balcony that had a 7 foot fence. Me, Puffy, CW, and Will had staked claim to a curb not far from the entrance and balcony. We looked up to the balcony and saw Delph’s head sticking over the top of the fence. It looked like he had moved a table so that he could see over the top. It was about a 20 foot drop from the top of the fence to the ground. Once we saw Delph’s head though we all told him to hurry up and jump. He climbed over the fence, hung from the top of the fence, and fell the rest of the way to the ground. Great, now all we had to do was get B-Cack out. We next saw B-Cack’s head at the top of the fence. We told him to hurry up and jump down, but he just looked at us and shook his head.

30 more minutes passed, and everyone outside figured that B-Cack was just chatting up the Euros and was wasting our time. So we all cursed his name a few times and started heading out. As we were walking by the entrance to get a taxi to get home and B-Cack came running up behind us. He then told us what had happened in the club. It turns out that when he entered the club, he told the bouncer that he was just going in to get a friend and the bouncer had told him he wouldn’t charge him. That turned out to be a load of crap. When B-Cack helped Delph over the fence he went back downstairs to leave but was stopped at the door and was told he would have to pay 60 marks to get out. You see when the bouncer told him there would be no charge he also didn’t give B-Cack a card. B-Cack was telling us he had been wandering around begging for money trying to get enough to get out. He had gotten so desperate he was thinking of starting a fire in the middle of the club. As he was trying to get some marks out of some Euros at the front door, a fight between some guys and the bouncers broke out and he was able to step over the turnstile and just sneak out.

Two things happened that night that changed us forever. One, Will never went to a dance club again and two, Delph never paid to get out of that dance club again.

12 Comments:

At 6:30 AM, Blogger Uber said...

Pay to get out? Utter nonsense!

Hilarious story though. *g*

Oh yeah, Happy Veterans Day. Thanks, you. ;)

 
At 8:31 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

It was kind of crazy, cut I think they did it so you didn't know how much you spent until it was time to go.

 
At 10:20 AM, Blogger Tyler D. said...

Great Veterans Day story doc.

 
At 1:44 PM, Blogger SeanS said...

How did you ever survive over there?

 
At 6:32 PM, Anonymous B-Cack said...

Yeah I almost had enough too, although I think the fire would have been good too..... How many years do you get in the Klink for arson???
PS... the stories I can't tell!!!!!!

 
At 1:33 AM, Blogger Daniel Levesque said...

In Korea we paid as went, but anything other than soju and local beer was ridiculously expensive because of trade tarrifs and the Korean Mafia. We had to watch out for the juicy girls though. Their whole urpose in life wa to get us to buy them expensive, alcohol-free drinks so the bar could make extra money.

www.ravingconservative.com

 
At 6:17 AM, Blogger Contagion said...

Funny story. I love how everyone has a nickname... except Will.

 
At 7:56 AM, Blogger kateykakes said...

LOL, great story, Doc.

 
At 9:02 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Actually Will is short for "will remain nameless" He's a hermit that doesn't want his name out there for the public to know.

 
At 3:27 PM, Anonymous B_CACK said...

Actually Phat Tony would take a long walk off of a short pier if his name were to be public.

 
At 11:04 PM, Blogger GunnNutt said...

b-cack, why didn't you just go back to the balcony and jump?

 
At 6:43 AM, Anonymous Fitch said...

You guys are crazy. I think they did it so you didn't know how much you spent until it was time to go. Sounds about right to me.

 

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