Wednesday, December 28, 2005


Well Christmas is over (not a moment too soon) and now New Years is upon the Phat Tony household. Besides having to say “one” twice and kill the tempo of saying “Happy New Years”, me and the spouse are going to be doing things a little bit different this New Years Eve.

Let me give you some background. My wife is not from around here. She grew up in Poland. I met her in Germany while I was serving. We fell in love, got married and moved to Alabama. Normally, on New Years Eve, we go to a party thrown by one of the many Polish immigrants here in town. It’s good for my wife since she enjoys the opportunity to speak her first language. It’s not as much fun for me, because no one wants to speak to me, since I don’t speak Polish. I end up standing around warming pivo until Mukrz can break away from who ever has him locked in conversation. Mukrz happens to be fluent in Polish, where I only know enough to curse and get a beer.

It’s a recycled party. Every year the same people go and probably talk about the same things. I do my normal schtick, and try to make myself scarce to avoid the ever popular, but awkward, conversation that goes like this. (My apologies to my wife for misspelling every Polish word)
“Dzien dobry. Czy mówisz po Polski? ”
“Hello. No, I don’t speak Polish”
“Oh, uhh..How are you?”
“I’m good, and you?”
“uhh good, uhh…”
And off they go to speak some one else.

The only thing that I do look forward to is my small broken English conversations with one older lady that goes outside to smoke with me. She’s hilarious, despite the fact I can only understand 25% of what she’s saying.

So anyway, this year I think me and the wife are staying at home. I'll get liquored up by myself and save time by not having to explain to everyone that I don’t speak Polish. I’ll probably make some drunken phone calls. I’ll probably receive a few of them. (That’s what great about having friends that live 7 hours ahead of you. You get the drunken phone calls at a decent time.) Maybe I’ll do some drunk blogging, or just pass out and forget all about it. Whatever me and the wife decide to do, I’m sure I won’t be asked if I speak Polish.


At 8:05 AM, Blogger Cove Rebel said...

Maybe you should get a shirt that says this:

"Die Invasion von Polen hat angefangen."- A.H. 1939


At 8:13 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Yah, that would make me popular.

At 8:15 AM, Blogger Cove Rebel said...

Well at least they'd leave you alone. Especially if you wore your black leather coat! hahahahaha!

At 8:36 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Maybe I should change my name to Adolph Lenin. That would definately get me the cold shoulder.

At 9:33 AM, Blogger Contagion said...

If you lived closer I would invite you to a New Years party up here... But I don't think you want to drive the 10+ hours it would take.

At 9:48 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Does everyone speak English?

At 10:23 AM, Blogger PoP said...

OOH OOH Invite me over, son. early so I can get snockard with out having to keep the grand kids. Then you can just push me out in front of my house. and let your mom pull me in after the kids go to bed. remember I no longer have a life.

At 12:12 PM, Blogger Uber said...

I had no idea what I'd do to bring in the New Year (other than have a drink and smooch my cat) but now I'm inspired to just stay home, drink, and a troll your blog leaving as many comments in Polish that babel will allow. Yay!

At 12:20 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Now when you say "cat" you mean...?

You know you're just setting me up right?

At 1:19 PM, Blogger Cove Rebel said...

Uber I don't think babel translates Polish does it?

And answer PT's question, what do you mean by "smooch the cat?"

At 1:24 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

I guess I could have gone with the "so that's what the're calling it these days." line.

At 2:49 PM, Blogger Uber said...

lol Yeah, that line works really well for just about everything, almost magical.

CR- Babel doesn't translate Polish, dangit. There's, though. And kiss my cat has to mean exactly that. There will be no making anyone too excited or happy. We can't have that! What kind of uber-eeeevil conservative do ya think I am? ;)

At 5:01 PM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Drink one for me, Doc!
By the way:

You've Got Swag (pimpin')!

At 5:37 AM, Blogger Cove Rebel said...

Uber, you can't make them happy, but you can get their hopes up and then dash them against the rocks! HAHAHA!

At 11:05 AM, Blogger Uber said...

Dang that you've gone and managed to learn the secret goal of the southun conservative gal...I'm pretty sure I have to kill you. hahahaha!


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