Thursday, December 01, 2005

And Now for Something Completely....

Different. MegaBrad is helping me out, since I don't have alot of time. He sent me a great story about a revelation he had whil eating at the Olive Garden. Also I'm still in need of votes. If you are reading this, go vote for me right now. If you've already voted, have you told some one else to vote yet?


So, I took my wife out to dinner the other night. We went out to Olive Garden, the overpriced noodle shack. The place is so packed these days, they give you a pager, and tell you when your table is ready, the pager will buzz. Gee, don’t I feel special, I get to carry a pager! YAY! So instead of waiting in the packed lobby with all the other “important” pager toting spaghetti trolls, we went into the bar so we could get drinks and sit down. Finally the pager goes off, and we get our table. We wait forever then some waiter guy shows up, acting all flamboyant and exited like we were some long lost kinfolk of his showing up for Christmas. He spouts off this big, long, half rehersed spiel about all things “Olive Garden” like he was reading a company press release from a cue card. And, he was some kind of foreign guy with a funny accent. He sure as hell wasn’t Italian, which is ok with me, but foreign none the less. “Would you like me to tell you our specials tonight? (No, but you’re going to anyways.) Our specials are very good and highly recommended (Yeah? By who? Olive Gardens PR department?) You see here (points to a spot of marinara sauce stuck to the menu) is our very special hoobadedoo garlic spicamorolli wunderfeckingpasta cho cho red white sauce italiano goo glop, for $25.00! Oh, it’s sooo good! I would recommend this one highly sir!” Hmm. I don’t know what the hell he just said, or exactly what the special is he’s recommending, but I figure if it’s too hard to pronounce, it’s worth a try. “Alright there, umm (I can’t read the foreign name on his name tag) buddy, I’ll try that, since you “highly” recommend it”. “Oh very good sir”. The wife orders with the “go with what you know” philosophy and keeps it simple.



About an hour later, “Azerbizhanistan”, or whatever the f**k his name was shows up with our order. He sets a plate in front of me, and gives me a look like me and him have just done something “special” together. (Aarrgh!) I thought he was gonna stand there and watch me eat the damn stuff, but he finally went away to leave us in peace. I looked at the plate of “hoobadegoo special white red blob glop spicamarrolli wundernoodle Michealangelo inspired italiano sneeze cheese”, and couldn’t believe my freakin eyes. What the f**k, man?!? This is f*cking macaroni and cheese!



8 Comments:

At 6:49 AM, Blogger a4g said...

Beware any restaurant that breathlessly hypes that you can have as much lettuce and greasy bread poles as you want.

 
At 6:55 AM, Blogger Insolublog said...

With that Mac and Cheese gross profit margin of 99%, You can see how Olive Garden can afford glitzy commercials, a stunning PR department and flamboyant waiters named “Azerbizhanistan”, or whatever the f**k his name was.

 
At 7:02 AM, Blogger Uber said...

Mucho hilarity. Beware any restaurant that provides a long wait and booze.

I used to think Ruby Tuesdays was delish until I stopped drinking jack n cokes back to back and "culinary genius" became just another stupid crunchy baked potato.

 
At 7:52 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

F*&*in' Olive Garden!

Nice job, Doc!

 
At 7:55 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

You now have my vote, by the way!
Good luck!!!

 
At 12:51 PM, Anonymous MEGABRAD said...

My vote put you in a tie for #6!

"greasy bread poles.." Hahahahaha!

 
At 8:51 PM, Blogger SeanS said...

But did he do the dessert schpiel? That crap about the funky cheesecake that isn't cheesecake. WTF is that stuff?

 
At 4:45 AM, Anonymous FIAR said...

Whew! Thanks for the info. You just saved my a big wad of cash.

 

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