Monday, December 05, 2005

I Can Fix The Flag Burning

I hear that Hillary Clinton cosponsored anti-flag burning legislation today. I think that the consensus about flag burning is that, all though it’s abhorrent, it is a protected form of speech. You can’t circumvent the constitution just because you don’t like the act.

Now saying this, I do have a way to make it all but impossible to burn a flag without there being repercussions. Listen carefully, make owning a flag illegal. That’s right, with my plan, all flags will be owned by the government handed out after filling out the appropriate forms and paying the application fee (fee amount depends on cost of flag). The government will then allow an individual to hold on to the flag but never relinquish ownership to that individual. On the flag will be a small tag stating “U. S. Government property, defacing or destroying is a punishable offense.”

More bureaucracy you say? Not really, flag companies now just have to make you fill out a form letting you know that ownership of the flag is given to the individual and that the money they are paying is to process the application to be a “flag bearer”, for lack of a better description. What abut the people who currently own flags? Well they can keep them until it’s time to dispose of them properly or, for the weenies that like to burn flags, they will probably burn theirs quickly enough, then have to go fill out the application to be a “flag bearer” subject to the laws regarding Federal Property. How can we keep people from making their own flags then burning them? Easy enough; the same way we made making counterfeit money illegal.

I really think I’m onto something here. If there is any lawyer that happens to come across this let me know of the legality of this. I don’t think it would be unconstitutional for the government to pass legislation banning the ownership of flags.


At 1:20 PM, Blogger Insolublog said...

Playing devil's advocate:

Say you happen to be a cross between Betsy Ross and Medea Benjamin, who sews together flags for the express purpose of creating a flame target.

Would the government be required to seize this property?

What about homemade clothes with an integrated flag?

What about crayon flags on posterboard?
Would burning this flag 'in effigy' now be the preferred activity?

Just some questions.

At 1:25 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

I think that children or hippies drawing flags and burning them would be fine, although both children and hipppies shouldn't be playing with fire. I think it would be hilarious if I saw protestors out with crudely drawn depictions of flags lighting them on fire. I don't think flags should be worn, but as long as it is not a complete replica of a flag on said garmet, nothing should be done. I really don't care if a symbol of a symbol is burned, does that make sense?

At 2:13 PM, Blogger Insolublog said...

I should have actually qualified the first point. I can picture ACLU lawyers giving advice to flag burners on 'minor modifications' which would not show up on camera, but technically make the flag a legally sanctioned 'non-flag'. Lawyers will be scum, given the opportunity.

As to the actual issue, I think hippies burn flags to piss people off. This is a good thing, since it becomes a permanent scar on their credibility. When they want to claim a patriotic position for political reasons etc., they have to live with it.

And nobody is buying that argument about flag burning being a patriotic act of dissent, except other rabid moonbats.

At 2:14 PM, Blogger Uber said...

Now there's an original solution. I don't know though, I've always been partial to letting them burn the flag if they really want to, just beat the snot out of them for it.

Beatings provided through the private sector, of course. ;)

At 2:17 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Well I could condone a state funded beating but not a federally funded beating.

At 2:18 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Also Protestors are lazy, their signs are crappy and big crate paper puppets suck. Do you really think they could spend enough time not stoned to make a decent flag replica?

At 2:25 PM, Blogger a4g said...

So with every flag, Doctor, do we have to read through the 59 page EULA and check the "I have read and agree to the terms" box?

I think Microsoft might be buying up flag companies if this goes through.

Well, I'll put up with Flag XP, but no way I'm spending cash money on that piece of crap Flag, Millenium Edition.

At 4:42 AM, Blogger PoP said...

If hippies want to wear flag T shirts and then burn them, I think that would be ok as long as they don't take them off.

At 5:11 AM, Blogger Telebush said...

I think flag burning is ok - it clearly distinguishes who the retards are. Not that this information would be used for a beat down at a later time…

At 6:19 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

I think hippy burning is ok.
Oh, sorry.
Wrong post.


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