Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Let’s Get Personal


Alright you asked, I answered. That’s how it works most of the time. You didn’t get too personal which is fine cause I didn’t get too funny. Maybe later today the muse will strike me and I’ll have something great to post. For now, I hope this will tied you over.

Peakah asks “ I'd like to know exactly how you'd fend off a knife attack by your ninja wife? “

DPT: The best defense (Married guys repeat after me) “You’re right; I’m wrong; I’m sorry. What’s even worse than a ninja knife attack is a Gaijen cry about nothing attack though. There is no effective defense, prepare yourself for a guilt trip.

The Conservative UAW Guy asks “Tell us about your favorite gun that you own.
If you don't own one, go buy one and tell us about it!”

DPT: The only fire arm (I’m sure you don’t mean gun) that I own is a Nerf Maverick. Six shots of 9mm suction cup tip foam fury. I’m a crack shot too. Honestly I won’t buy a fire arm until I can afford the one I want. (it takes a while to load when you click play, but it's worth it. Yay gun Pron)



Anonymous asks “Let's discuss tracked vehicles, tanks, bulldozers, whatever. When a section of track(A) comes in contact with a piece of ground(B) it stays there until the vehicle rolls by and rolls it back up perpetually. That being said, if a tank is moving at 20 mph and A comes in contact with B and stays there does that mean that the rest of the sections of track are moving at 40mph to make up for A not moving?

DPT: This sounds a lot like the “A record is spinning on a record player. The inside of the record is spinning at the same RPM as the outside. Does this mean that because the outside has more distance to cover, then it’s moving faster than the inside?” type question. Please refer all physics, math and science questions to Insolublog, as he is the next Mr. Wizard.

Fiar asks “Shouldn't you change the name of the site to Megabrad Phat Tony's or something? What's the best place to bury a dirty hippie so that the police will never find the body?”

DPT: Fiar I didn’t see you respond to my call for help. The best place to hide a dead hippy would definitely be in a ditch in Texas. People would think the hippy was sleeping or too stoned to stand, the smell would not be anymore noticeable than live hippies, and they are used to seeing hippies in ditches in Texas.

a4g asks “What is most essential to the Dr. Phat Tony lifestyle? Is it the Doctorness? Or that Phatness? “

DPT: Since the Doctorness was given to me by Sally Struthers through a t.v. offer, I’m going to go with the Phatness. It was given to me by soldiers that I trusted enough to walk behind me with loaded weapons.

MEGABRAD asks “Perfect timing for this, cause I got a question.

All the official Dr. Phat Tony swag shirts are white. I am a man who eats like a slob. I slop whatever I eat all over my shirts. I am a pig. And, I like to wipe my mouth on my sleeves too, after belching profoundly! Is it possible that you might offer official DPT swag in black, for those of us afflicted with a manly eating disorder?”

DPT: I haven’t come up with a design that would look cool on a black t-shirt yet. I’ll work on it this weekend so you can look stylin’ while drooling.

freudz wet dream asks “Why is your name Tony if you're not Italian?”

DPT: Surprisingly enough, most Euro languages have some sort of derivative for Anthony. It could be Italian, I just don’t know for sure. My family has been American too long to know exactly where the family name came from.

PoP asks “Why Don't you ever give credit to the father that introduced you to Monty Python the credit he deserves for you growing up to be a Funny, Greedy, Rich Republican Wannabe.”

DPT: Sure Pop. Everyone, my father made me watch the Holy Grail when I was twelve. I’ve never looked at England the same way since.

Ssssteve asks “ Doc, What color caulk do you like best?
sorry couldn't help it!”

DPT: I’ve never handled caulk before, which do you think works the best Ssssteve? (everyone should go visit Ssssteve, he deserves it for being a faithful reader)

Wyatt Earp asks “If you could bang (er, make love to) any woman, living or dead (well, the dead ones would be alive for this), who would it be?”

DPT: If you think for a second that I’m willing to defend myself from a ninja knife attack later this evening, than you might want the doctor to check your head at your physical on Saturday.

Uber asks What is something you always wanted to do but have never done? (naughteh with dead chicks excluded since Wyatt already covered that)”

DPT: I’ve always wanted to sky dive but there are a couple of things keeping me from doing it. 1 is that I’m not keen on strapping myself to the front side of some instructor for the first jump which is tandem. I don’t know for sure whether he’s having a good day or not. 2 is that I’m really not going to give control on whether my chute opens to some stranger and if I have control over the chute opening; I’m not going to be responsible for the life of some stranger.

The Conservative UAW Guy asks “Why is Freudz Wet Dream back after all this time?”

DPT: Why does anyone keep coming back here? Everyday I’m amazed to see that people come back. I bet it’s morbid curiosity.

Tyler D. asks “What is your address because I have all this toilet paper and eggs just sitting around the house. “

DPT: You don’t know how tempted I am to put some schmucks address in right now.

Insolublog asks “Being poo oriented, do you ever use that tired old pull-my-finger joke? Does Pop?”

DPT: I can’t help that people have the need to tell me their poo stories. I’ve never done the pull my finger joke and I’m not sure that’s in Pops repertoire either.

GunnNutt asks “During your "skivyless" period, did you ever get anything else stolen by the Underpants Gnomes?”

DPT: I’m thinking they might have stolen my shame and dignity since have little of either now.

spacemonkey asks “If given the choice would you
a) Eat a small live snake
b) Climb a volcano wearing a clown suit
or
c) kiss Michael Moore full on the mouth “

DPT: If when you say “kiss’ you mean punch then I’m going with “C”. Otherwise I’ll be eating that snake rare.

13 Comments:

At 9:13 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Let me be the FIRST! to say, "Excellent job, Doc".
And yes, I did mean firearm.

Way cool video, BTW!!!

 
At 10:31 AM, Blogger Uber said...

Schweet knowin' ya!

I know a couple who dove together, they were on their honeymoon and had some awesome video to prove it. Of course they were an "exotic" dancer and a tank gunner who said nobody was rubbing up on his wife on their honeymoon.

Maybe you should pretend you just got married and threaten everyone?

 
At 11:46 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

My wife would never jump out of a plane. I have 27 highperformance aircraft jumps but they were all static line jumps. I just can't stand to think someone else is in control of my chute opening.

 
At 11:55 AM, Blogger Ssssteve said...

great job Doc. And I have never handled caulk before so I don't know the best kind.

btw, thanks for the help.

 
At 12:15 PM, Blogger Insolublog said...

You are absolutely right about the tank question, Doc. Look at a simple tire, as a tread with a single point of contact to the ground. That point is only stationary for an instant, before it's pulled up the other side. The tractor tread stretches that single point, into a line.

 
At 12:32 PM, Anonymous Kath said...

Aw, the respect level I had for you just skyrocked through the roof.

;-)

 
At 1:54 PM, Blogger PoP said...

Don't be shy you used to love to pull my finger.

 
At 3:10 PM, Blogger Uber said...

Doc- I can't stand the thought of jumping from a few stairs sooo I totally get that. On the other hand...you did survive your pop...what doesn't kill ya you know... lol

 
At 6:10 PM, Blogger a4g said...

(bowing in admiration as usual, Doctor)

 
At 9:13 PM, Blogger GunnNutt said...

For not getting "too funny" that was, well ...funny!

If you want your shame and dignity back, look in the sock drawer.

 
At 9:44 PM, Blogger Tyler D. said...

I was expecting 1600 Pennsylvania Ave or 100 North side Square.

 
At 5:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Let us ask questions about Pop next Tuesday for the Christmas Edition. LOL!

DanFan

 
At 6:03 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Heh, that's a great Idea.

 

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