Tuesday, December 20, 2005

A Phat Army Phrase Reference Guide

I figured that some of you may need to brush up on your Army lingo, so I put together a short reference guide for you so you’ll be able to understand the nuances of soldier talk.

A$$ (Smells like a$$): A$$ can also be replaced by “gay sex”. This phrase is used to describe a not so pleasant smell, usually said by the soldier that takes a shower before anyone else after a field problem. Example: Crack a window, it smells like a$$ (gay sex) in here.

Blue Falcon: A term used to describe a soldier that screws over his buddy. Can also use Bravo Foxtrot or Buddy F**ker. Example: I can’t believe they gave that Blue Falcon an Army Achievement Medal.

Carrying Handle: Carrying handle is the handle that is placed on top of the weapon. This is not to be used to carry any weapon. The title carrying handle is only a description of what the piece on the weapon could be used for. Example: Hey let go of that carrying handle! That weapon isn’t made by Samsonite.

Divorce: This is what half of the married soldiers do after deployment.

E & E: Stands for Evade and Escape, but is actually a way to get a good nap during training.

Foxhole: Something that you should never share with anyone braver than you.

Go-Fasters: A replacement for the Army’s standard issue glasses (birth control devices). Go-Fasters are often seen on sight impaired airborne soldiers.

HeloCast: What my platoon wasn’t allowed to do because the UH-60 pilots were a bunch of sissies. A helicopter flies over a body of water at a slow speed and soldiers jump out into the water. The pilots with us said they weren’t trained on it. I guess flying at a constant speed and altitude is only for advanced pilots.

: Also known as bullet stoppers, grunts, or ambush finders. Soldiers who either scored low on their ASVAB or scored high on their ASVAB but wanted to kill people.

Jody: Jody is a name that is given to the guy that is screwing your woman while you’re on deployment. A Jody letter would be the letter sent to a soldier by their girlfriend letting them know they’ve found someone else.

: Cooks in the Army don’t actually cook anything in the field. They are nice enough to come out and heat up K-Rats, which is just large portions of shelf stable food.
Yum! Nothing like rehydrated ages and year old ham slice.

Low Drag: A description of a soldier that does his job well. Example: Spc Tony is high speed; low drag.

Marriage: What half of the single soldiers do after deployment.

Night Out: Drinking, womanizing, and fighting.

O’ Dark Thirty: Also known as the Butt Crack of Dawn. Pretty fricken early in the morning if guys that normally wake up at 0530 think it’s early.

PMCS: The most dreaded thing to do on a Monday morning. Requires one soldier to lay under a HMMWV looking for spots of oil. The main goal of PMCS is to find enough problems with your vehicle that you can deadline it and not have to drive it anymore.

Quickie: Since most Army schools make you stay in the barracks and away from your spouse or girlfriend; a quickie is what your wife or girlfriend should be bringing you on family day.

Recon Platoon: Ambush and minefield finders.

Sh1t Bag: A title given to a worthless soldier. Often the soldier is on a medical profile (a letter from a doctor prohibiting some physical activities). If the soldier is on a medical profile they move from being a Sh1t Bag to a Profile Ranger.

T-10 Parachute: A standard parachute given to line infantry to descend on a battle field. Despite the line of BS they try to give you in airborne school there is know way to control the direction of your descent.

UH-60: Used for insertions and extractions. It’s also the best thing to see after a mission.

VD: Often soldiers don’t listen to the safety briefing on Fridays. The soldiers that don’t head the warning “If you dip it; wrap it” end up with VD. VD Drive is the main strip in Columbus GA.

Whiskey: The phonetic pronunciation of the letter “W”, also the reason for a lot of Sergeant Major’s forced retirements.

X-Ray: The phonetic pronunciation of the Letter “X”, also the reason that most infantry soldiers knees and ankles register on a gigacounter.

“Y”: An almost unanswerable question in the Army.

Zero Tolerance: The new Army slogan used to take money and rank away from killers doing the things that you would expect from soldiers.


At 7:02 AM, Blogger Uber said...

FIRST!!! (na na na na na jimmy)

That clears up sooo many unanswered questions, Doc. My fave mil word is una$$, though, heard it used in reference to my cat..."una$$ yourself from that chair fur ball!" which makes cats yawn, but still. lol

At 7:33 AM, Blogger PoP said...

How about, I read you lickin chicken, Hoe Chee min. Translation = I hear you fine. do you hear me?

At 8:22 AM, Blogger Cove Rebel said...

As in "Una$$ the AO (area of operations).

Airborne mission= to take a dump
Class 1 download= to take a dump
Jumper in the door= I gotta go NOW!
PX Ranger= those who buy awards or medals they have not earned, but wear anyway
Rump Ranger= fag, queer
Pop smoke/Pull Pitch= time to go
Jump the TOC= time to go to another bar

And my favorite two I just picked up from a friend in Iraq:

FOBbit= someone who never leaves the forward operations base (FOB) in Iraq
Palacite= an field grade officer who never leaves their hooch and has meals brought to them because they are afraid their troops will kill them.

At 8:55 AM, Blogger Ssssteve said...

Doc, your always teaching me something. Thanks! You got to love military speak.

At 10:52 AM, Blogger Insolublog said...

Are 'Recon Platoons' a subset or intersection of 'Infantry'?

At 11:08 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

It's actually scout platoon (I was running out of words) but most combat arms battalians have them. Armor, infantry, cav

At 11:56 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Thanks for the info, Doc!

Learning has occured... :)

Is zero-tolerance EVER a good thing?
Well, except regarding hippies and commies.

At 1:42 PM, Blogger Uber said...

I'm not sure what the O was of that A, CR...but I'm definitely not sitting in that chair again.

At 2:44 PM, Blogger Elmo said...

Despite the line of BS they try to give you in airborne school there is know way to control the direction of your descent.

uhh, yes you can. You have to pull like hell on the risers but you can steer it. I got dropped at the edge of the DZ(drop zone) once. I would have fell into a dense forest if I hadn't pulled about three feet of 2 risers down. Of course this sped up my descent and made for a very hard landing but I landed 25 meters from the tree line. I broke 2 ribs.

and you forgot grunt.

At 3:16 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Good choice on pulling the risers then. I only put one for each letter I left out alot of them.

At 6:01 PM, Blogger Contagion said...

My favorite was always Charles Fargo. I use that one all the time at work because most people there don't get a reference.

"This new hire is a charles fargo waiting to happen."

At 6:26 PM, Anonymous Fiar said...

I love to learn new language skills at Doctor Phat Tony's.

At 5:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


Where's the Q&A on Pop? Are you afraid he might withhold some Christmas presents based on your answers? LOL!


At 5:57 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

I'll post it for later today.

At 3:14 AM, Blogger SeanS said...

Amazing, we had Bravo Foxtrot in the Nav too. This was often replaced with 'check-valve'.

And I still use "Smells like a$$".


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