First I would like to say thanks to my son for letting me take some time to answer questions. I’ve known him for about 28 years now and I’m glad that he amounted to something. Even if that something is a faux doctor online.
To answer Contagion’s question; Phat made himself a doctor through a rigorous application process sent to him by Sally Struthers. I remember the first time he started calling himself a doctor, I asked him, “Don’t you think that’s false advertisement?” That reminds me of the time I heard a car advertisement back in the late 70’s. I think they said that you could own a new car for $500 dollars, but when I went to get one they started adding a lot of charges for what they considered extras; like car seats, seatbelts, and a steering wheel. Did I ever tell you guys that I was also in the Army? I was. I spent some time in Korea drinking soju and eating kemchi. Those where the days, but not as good as the days when I was stationed in Key West. I loved Key West. We always had a freezer full of lobster and I could go scuba diving any time I wanted. I once was attacked by an octopus. Scared the crap out of me. Of course this was all before Key West turned into a homosexual paradise. See what happens when the military pack up and leave. There was a Navy base there but I think after it closed down, that’s when all the queers showed up. Speaking of the Navy; being an Army soldier stationed on a Navy base was tough especially during the Army Navy football game. Army would always lose but that really didn’t help comfort those squids when they packed up and left their family for a 6-month ocean cruise. I was also stationed at an Airforce base in Germany. The best place to be stationed at is an Airforce base. They know how to treat their soldiers. The nicest barracks and base housing. I tried to convince Phat to join the Airforce but noooo….he wanted to jump out of planes and shoot people. And you guys ask him questions…phhht. Living in Germany was nice. I always liked to go to the Christmas Markt and drink some glue wine. Did you know that I’ve been playing Santa for my grandchildren for a couple of years now. It’s always nice to know you can fool some kids with just a red suit. I don't need the fake beard. I haven’t shaved since 1981. The beard has come in useful a couple of times though. I think I've been getting the senior discount since I was 40. Back when I was 40 life was a lot different. I had to take care of my kids, and now I have to take care of my kid’s kids, or something along those lines. Did you guys know I have 6 grandchildren? I can’t name them all for you right now but I’m pretty sure Sleepy, Grumpy, and Sleazy is three of them. I remember the first time I went to Disney World. It was the first year that they were open. All they had was “It’s a small world’ and the one where all the presidents say something about something. Come to think of it, Disney World wasn’t all that great. Speaking of “not great” I’d have to say that having dial up at my home was even worse than Disney World. I’m so glad that my wife allowed me to get DSL. It makes surfing for boobies that much better. Have I told you how much I like boobies. My favorite t.v. personality was that Elvira lady. She had some nice boobies. I remember one time I let Phat stay up and watch that show. They were playing Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. I never really had any luck growing tomatoes. I did have some peach trees that would give peaches ever-other year at my old home. My daughter once cooked some peach cobbler but then didn’t clean up the oven after. She had spilled some of that sweet syrupy stuff onto the bottom of the oven. When I went to cook a frozen pizza it burst into flame. Of course, that wasn’t the first time the oven burst into flame. One day when Phat was young he turned on the wrong eye and melted a pot that was sitting on the stove. Too bad the cat wasn’t in it. My son and my daughters begged to take this cat home and he’s still sitting in that house being as mean and temperamental as ever. As a matter of fact, Phat told his wife to pretend to have allergies so I couldn’t give it back to him when he came back from over seas. Oh look at the time. I got to stop. Matlock is on.