The Beginning

28 years ago, to the day, on an island in the Gulf of Mexico, the world was changed forever. A soldier’s wife brought forth a man-child that would change the face of the blogosphere. At the time of the child’s birth no one had any idea what they had unleashed onto the world. They had unleashed Phat Tony.

Tony had a relatively normal childhood. Spending his days as a minority in high school gave him an understanding of rap music and soul food not normally found in a person as white as him. He was an average student and fairly popular. It was hard not to spot him; there were less than a hundred white kids at that school. His greatest award was being voted an honorary black man in his sophomore English class, where he resembled one flake of dandruff on a black shirt.

It wasn’t until he joined the Army in 1997 that he knew what he really was. It took going to Sand Hill, Airborne School, 75th Ranger Regiment, and International LRS School to realize that he was a killer. He traveled abroad and has tainted much of Europe with his debauchery genius. Europe has yet to recover from his stay.

He left the Army to marry and start a family back in his home state of Alabama. It was here that he learned of the blogosphere and the potential to make enough money to pay his cable bill. The rest of this saga lies within the archives on the side bar. All though he has yet to make enough money from his musings to pay the cable bill, he has developed a small following of loyal readers that wear his swag and advertise it on their own sites. He has been mentioned by a nationally syndicated talk show host because of a post he wrote and is now had roughly 40,000 people come to read his asinine assumptions and ridiculous anecdotes.

This story is far from over. Phat Tony doesn’t know how to quit, as it seems that he might not know what is best for him. Phat Tony will continue this journey regardless of where it takes him, or how long he has to write in third person. Phat Tony is now having problems trying to stop writing in third person and his emails are becoming nonsensical. Phat Tony is hoping that when he stops writing this post things will return to normal because he has to sit in a meeting today and would be embarrassed if he spent the meeting referring to himself by his own name.

Make it stop.

Oh yeah, it’s my birthday today. If you’re interested in getting me something, you can try your hand at writing the beginning of the saga which is me. Make it as stupid as you want and trackback here so that I can read what other people feel should be the story of Phat Tony.