Infectious Disease Alert
Dr. Phat Tony, even as a faux doctor, has uncovered a pending epidemic. All married men please take note and take proper precautions.
ALERT: North Alabama is under watch for an outbreak of contagio infantia rabies expected to make epidemic proportions. Contagio infantia rabies, more commonly known as baby fever, can spread rapidly among married women. Keep a look out for these symptoms.
• The phrase “making love” will be replaced with phrases like “making a baby” or “give me your sperm I’m ovulating”.
• An increased awareness of other women who are pregnant.
• Visiting the baby department at every store.
• Constant nagging about things the man will no longer be able to do “when we have a baby”.
• Pointing at babies both on TV. and in public noting that “our baby would look something like that, but much prettier”.
• Name books strewn around living area.
All though there is no know cure for baby fever there are a few therapies that can put the disease into a temporary dormant state.
• Take woman on vacation to Las Vegas or on a cruise and make sure to say “We wouldn’t be able to do these kinds of things if we had a baby”.
• Make sure to point out overweight woman who are mothers.
• Baby-sit children who are under the age of 4 for 24 hours.
• Point out children in public places who are being loud, obnoxious, spoiled, or any combination.
Precautions can be made to reduce the risk of baby fever. These are not fool proof ways of preventing the disease but can reduce the chances of infection.
• Quarantine woman from pregnant women or women who have just had child.
• Make sure that you avoid all child or pregnancy themed movies or TV shows.
• Never, under any circumstances, let your wife go to a baby shower.
If your wife does become infected with baby fever, the only thing you can do is make sure you are there for the inception of the baby.