Filthy Lies About JimmyB
Because I doubt I can win the contest without spreading lots of propaganda, I’ve decide that it’s time to tell you all about JimmyB. JimmyB has kept too many secrets from his readers and now that my crack investigative reporting team has made up a bunch of rumors about JimmyB, I will report them here in hopes that people will repeat them enough times to make them the truth. In bullet form.
A vote for JimmyB, is a vote for the Green Party. Not a funny vote, like if you voted for Cindy Sheehan, but a sinister vote, like one for Nader.
JimmyB’s lifetime membership to the NRA was not issued by the NRA itself, but written by JimmyB with the blood of orphan children.
JimmyB is the UAW’s political mastermind; much like Karl Rove is for the Neocons.
JimmyB’s lust for crude oil, which he uses in his hair, was the reason we invaded Iraq.
JimmyB has to eat three live kittens a day in order to have enough energy to blog and keep American car companies from competing in the world market.
The only way to stop JimmyB from taking over Canada is to vote for Phat Tony in the Best so Far blog awards.
JimmyB once beat an elderly woman with a whiffle ball bat for driving a Toyota.
If JimmyB gets more votes than Phat Tony does, the earth’s crust will crack and bring about the end of days.
JimmyB stole my bullets and replaced them with these squares.
See, I told you that I must win the award. I’ll make it easy on you. Send an email to the address on this sight that says. “All my votes (3) are belong to Dr. Phat Tony. He set us up the bomb.”