Thursday, February 02, 2006

Filthy Lies About JimmyB

Because I doubt I can win the contest without spreading lots of propaganda, I’ve decide that it’s time to tell you all about JimmyB. JimmyB has kept too many secrets from his readers and now that my crack investigative reporting team has made up a bunch of rumors about JimmyB, I will report them here in hopes that people will repeat them enough times to make them the truth. In bullet form.

 A vote for JimmyB, is a vote for the Green Party. Not a funny vote, like if you voted for Cindy Sheehan, but a sinister vote, like one for Nader.

 JimmyB’s lifetime membership to the NRA was not issued by the NRA itself, but written by JimmyB with the blood of orphan children.

 JimmyB is the UAW’s political mastermind; much like Karl Rove is for the Neocons.

 JimmyB’s lust for crude oil, which he uses in his hair, was the reason we invaded Iraq.

 JimmyB has to eat three live kittens a day in order to have enough energy to blog and keep American car companies from competing in the world market.

 The only way to stop JimmyB from taking over Canada is to vote for Phat Tony in the Best so Far blog awards.

 JimmyB once beat an elderly woman with a whiffle ball bat for driving a Toyota.

 If JimmyB gets more votes than Phat Tony does, the earth’s crust will crack and bring about the end of days.

 JimmyB stole my bullets and replaced them with these squares.

See, I told you that I must win the award. I’ll make it easy on you. Send an email to the address on this sight that says. “All my votes (3) are belong to Dr. Phat Tony. He set us up the bomb.”

18 Comments:

At 8:26 AM, Blogger Peakah said...

Buwahahahah... that's awesome!

Now this contest is getting good.

 
At 8:52 AM, Blogger Ssssteve said...

Doc, I was just about to go vote for you but then I realized you posted the same story twice! Man, I can't be associated with somebody who does that!! Even a rookie like me wouldn't make a mistake like that!! Now, I think I will have to reconsider.. Hmmmmm.

 
At 8:57 AM, Blogger Contagion said...

Ya know, some of your points actually make me want to vote for him. Especially the kitten's one.

BTW, I already gave you my three votes. What more do you want? Am I to start creating fake e-mail accounts just to give you more?

 
At 9:46 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

I don't want anyone to create people to make me win. Although JimmyB did create a person once. That person now goes by the name of Al Gore.

 
At 9:59 AM, Blogger PoP said...

Except for the Green Party vote and the American car Part, He sounds like a real nice guy to me. Give him a run for the money JimmB. Just as a disclaimer I only voted once, but if I had known about JimmyB's attributes I might have voted differently.

 
At 10:04 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

I am truly in awe of teh funny that you posses!

JimmyB has to eat three live kittens a day in order to have enough energy to blog and keep American car companies from competing in the world market.

LOL! I snorted some kitten juice throught my nose when I read that one!

 
At 10:07 AM, Blogger Nightcrawler said...

LOL... after reading that post, I immediately sent an e-mail and voted for...

Jimmyb!

You had me at the blood of orphans.

Great post DPT!

 
At 10:29 AM, Blogger Wyatt Earp said...

I heard that Jimmy B has naked pictures of Cindy Sheehan on his desktop, and if he wins, he will force them on the world.

 
At 10:44 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

This isn't working the way I wanted it to.

 
At 11:29 AM, Blogger gwen said...

excellent

 
At 11:34 AM, Blogger Toni said...

Ok DPT, I gave you my 3 votes for Humor Blog. What do I get from you? You are paying for us to vote for you right?

 
At 11:35 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

My payment is protecting Democracy from JimmyB.

 
At 12:11 PM, Blogger Rooster Cashews said...

If I didn't already vote for me, you'd get my vote.

 
At 12:40 PM, Blogger Uber said...

Well now. Since this contest involves more than one blog I personally like very much, I will never ever tell exactly who I voted for.

Ok, who am I fooling? I voted for you Doc! ;)

Now, off to tell jimmb I voted for him. haha

 
At 4:27 PM, Blogger Tyler D. said...

Isn't it weird that every stoopid blog I read is on that list in some place?

BTW, I have already used all my alternate e-mail addresses to vote for myself.

 
At 10:28 PM, Blogger Lyn said...

Oops, I made a mistake on tallying the votes tonight. I think JimmyB is now tied with Dr. Phat Tony! Better start campaigning Lazy Daisy style if you're going to win!
LoL, Lyn from Bloggin' Outloud

 
At 5:37 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Teh gloves are off, pal. ;)

TRUTHOUT!

 
At 5:46 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Oh, I've got your number.

 

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