Friday, February 17, 2006

Hunting Lawyers

Texas Hunting Code (Updated & Revised)

Bill to Regulate the Hunting and Harvesting of Attorneys

370.01 Any person with a valid in-state rodent or
snake hunting license may also hunt and harvest
attorneys for recreational and sport (non-commercial)
370.02 Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is
permitted. The use of United States currency as bait,
however, is prohibited.

370.03 Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state
health department inspection for rabies, and vermin.
370.04 The willful killing of attorneys with a motor
vehicle is prohibited, unless such vehicle is an
ambulance being driven in reverse. If an attorney is
accidentally struck by a motor vehicle, the dead
attorney should be removed to the roadside, and the
vehicle should proceed immediately to the nearest car

370.05 It is unlawful to chase, herd or harvest
attorneys from a power boat, helicopter or aircraft.
370.06 It is unlawful to shout, "WHIPLASH",
"AMBULANCE", or "FREE SCOTCH" for the purposes of
trapping attorneys.
370.07 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100
yards of BMW, Mercedes or Porsche dealerships, except
on Wednesday afternoon.

370.08 It is unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200
yards of courtrooms, law libraries, health clubs,
country clubs, hospitals or brothels.

370.09 If an attorney gains elective office, it is not
necessary to have a license to hunt, trap or possess
the same.
370.10 It is unlawful for a hunter to wear a disguise
as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk,
sheep, accident victim, bookie, physician,
chiropractor or tax accountant for the purpose of
hunting attorneys.

370.11 Bag and Possession Limits per day:
Yellow-bellied sidewinders, 2;
Two-faced tortfeasors, 1;
Back-stabbing divorce litigators, 3;
Horn-rimmed cut-throats, 2;
Minutiae-advocating dirtbags, 4.
Honest attorneys, PROTECTED (See, Endangered Species Act).

H/T Cove Rebel


At 12:49 PM, Blogger Crazy Politico said...

That's awesome!

At 12:55 PM, Blogger Uber said...

Wow, someone's given this quite a lot of thought. lol

At 1:42 PM, Blogger PoP said...

An honest attorny is an old wives tale. or they became extinct like the dodo.

At 8:45 PM, Blogger Ssssteve said...

Doc, that was great!!

At 8:48 PM, Blogger Ssssteve said...

Hey Doc, come by and see my first troll! Whoo Hooo

At 8:48 PM, Anonymous MEGABRAD said...


Now "Two-faced tortfeasors" is crossing the line, man!!!

At 8:11 AM, Blogger Mrs. Bluebird said...

This rocks!!

At 11:22 AM, Anonymous lil' b-cack said...

I'd rather go hunting with Cheney that driving with Ted Kennedy!

At 11:46 AM, Blogger Insolublog said...


370.02, op cit...

Would it be permissible to use a Abu Ghraib prisoner, a Guantanamo prisoner or a greasy hippie, writhing with the pain of a good cardio-vascular billy club workout, as bait for a lawyer trap?

How many times can the bait be re-used?

At 4:26 PM, Blogger Cove Rebel said...

No but I bet you could use an ACLU membership application as bait.

At 9:02 AM, Anonymous Scouser said...

Class, absolute class. I always thought you Americans would eventually find a use for all of them lawyers. It seems a waste tho, isn't there a use for the remains? Maybe a business opportunity for supplying lawyer based animal feed or fertiliser.

At 11:58 AM, Blogger Travel Italy said...

I wonder if we can get an amendment to include politicians?

At 12:33 PM, Blogger Cove Rebel said...

You can use the remains as bait for coyotes.

At 8:12 PM, Blogger Anna said...

honest attorney...isn't that an oxymoron?

At 10:41 PM, Blogger Nightcrawler said...

I don't think even coyotes would eat the remains of a lawyer. They have to have some standards, don't they?

At 4:24 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Top shelf stuff Doc!

I think these laws are a little restrictive, but you have to shut down those dang tree-huggers incrementally.


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