Midgets R Us
B-Cack and his sister have this thing about midgets. And since Dr. Phat Tony is all about midget and poo stories, Lil’ B-Cack has offered a anecdote about her “midget experience”.
My Date with the School Midget
Well, it’s no secret that I like midgets. They are just cool. They can do things that other people just simply can’t, like jump out of a small box wearing a tuxedo and tap dance, so needless to say I was very excited when I got put into a practical arts class with the school little person. Now, this guy isn’t just a regular little person. He was an exceptionally cool little person. I shit you not he was on the track team, wrestling team, and the Varsity Baseball team (and no joke, he was the short stop….. I know, I know, it’s very ironic… life‘s cruel). I was determined to make friends with him, and I started talking to my half pint friend. We hit it off, and before I know it, I was calling my favorite brother in the whole world to tell him that I was going on a date with this midget. I think B-Cack actually pissed himself in delight when I told him. Now, I understand it is very rude to go out with somebody that you have no romantic feelings for, so I made sure he understood that was as friends only. He was cool with it.
So we decided that I was going to drive (considering he couldn‘t reach the pedals in my car, and I wouldn‘t fit in his Power Wheels jeep). As we made our way to the movie theater, my favorite Metallica song came on the radio. Like the true mullet-metal lover I am, I instinctively cranked up the radio full blast, simultaneously head-banging and playing the steering wheel drums. Then I remember that there was somebody else in the car with me, and I turn to my date and I see him playing the air guitar. Let me repeat this: THERE WAS A MIDGET JAMMING OUT TO METALLICA IN MY CAR!!!!!!!!!!! I had to bite my lip to keep from giggling with glee.
We get to the movie theater and you would not believe the looks we were getting. I know they were all jealous of me, and I have to admit that it put a little extra spring in my step. We buy our tickets (we went Dutch, since there would be no midget loving later on), and head into the theater. He sort of jumped to get into the seat, and of course a really tall guy had to sit right in front of my short stature date. The movie was fine. Nothing too interesting to say about that, but after our “date,” the midget took a fancy to me, and asked me out again. Now, I wanted to scratch “go on date with midget” off my life’s to do list, but nowhere on that list was “get a midget boyfriend.” So I had to break it off, and I turned the little guy down easy. Didn’t want to break his little heart or anything. B-Cack was upset because he thought it would be cool if I went to the Prom with him ( in fact, I think he offered me 50 bucks), but I didn’t want him to get the Midget Mafia on me or anything, so I let it ride. Needless to say, every time I hear “Enter Sandman” I have a flash back to my main man midget on the air guitar. ------ Lil’ B-Cack out!