Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Midgets R Us

B-Cack and his sister have this thing about midgets. And since Dr. Phat Tony is all about midget and poo stories, Lil’ B-Cack has offered a anecdote about her “midget experience”.

My Date with the School Midget

Well, it’s no secret that I like midgets. They are just cool. They can do things that other people just simply can’t, like jump out of a small box wearing a tuxedo and tap dance, so needless to say I was very excited when I got put into a practical arts class with the school little person. Now, this guy isn’t just a regular little person. He was an exceptionally cool little person. I shit you not he was on the track team, wrestling team, and the Varsity Baseball team (and no joke, he was the short stop….. I know, I know, it’s very ironic… life‘s cruel). I was determined to make friends with him, and I started talking to my half pint friend. We hit it off, and before I know it, I was calling my favorite brother in the whole world to tell him that I was going on a date with this midget. I think B-Cack actually pissed himself in delight when I told him. Now, I understand it is very rude to go out with somebody that you have no romantic feelings for, so I made sure he understood that was as friends only. He was cool with it.

So we decided that I was going to drive (considering he couldn‘t reach the pedals in my car, and I wouldn‘t fit in his Power Wheels jeep). As we made our way to the movie theater, my favorite Metallica song came on the radio. Like the true mullet-metal lover I am, I instinctively cranked up the radio full blast, simultaneously head-banging and playing the steering wheel drums. Then I remember that there was somebody else in the car with me, and I turn to my date and I see him playing the air guitar. Let me repeat this: THERE WAS A MIDGET JAMMING OUT TO METALLICA IN MY CAR!!!!!!!!!!! I had to bite my lip to keep from giggling with glee.

We get to the movie theater and you would not believe the looks we were getting. I know they were all jealous of me, and I have to admit that it put a little extra spring in my step. We buy our tickets (we went Dutch, since there would be no midget loving later on), and head into the theater. He sort of jumped to get into the seat, and of course a really tall guy had to sit right in front of my short stature date. The movie was fine. Nothing too interesting to say about that, but after our “date,” the midget took a fancy to me, and asked me out again. Now, I wanted to scratch “go on date with midget” off my life’s to do list, but nowhere on that list was “get a midget boyfriend.” So I had to break it off, and I turned the little guy down easy. Didn’t want to break his little heart or anything. B-Cack was upset because he thought it would be cool if I went to the Prom with him ( in fact, I think he offered me 50 bucks), but I didn’t want him to get the Midget Mafia on me or anything, so I let it ride. Needless to say, every time I hear “Enter Sandman” I have a flash back to my main man midget on the air guitar. ------ Lil’ B-Cack out!

13 Comments:

At 7:20 AM, Blogger Nightcrawler said...

Midgets kick serious ass! Well, maybe just shins and ankles but if you really make them mad, they'll bite you really, really hard!

 
At 7:31 AM, Blogger Uber said...

Omg, now I totally want to go out with a midget too!

Wait, my mom is only 4ft 11in and we've been out for shopping and dinner many times...does this count? haha

 
At 8:24 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

That is quite possibly the best midget story, EVER.

Additionally, Enter Sandman ROCKS!!!!
Yeah, I'm a headbanger, too.

 
At 11:37 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

I always have liked the midget stories.

 
At 11:42 AM, Blogger Tyler D. said...

HA! That is a good story.

 
At 12:35 PM, Blogger Contagion said...

You don't have hot midget lovin' on your "to do" list?

 
At 12:44 PM, Anonymous lil b-cack said...

Uber, a true midget is a person that is 4'10" or less from a genetic mutation/disability. Short people don't count. You can also tell a true midget if they have a "V" in their fingers (sort of like the Start Trek hand sign thing... sorry B-Cack I know I"m not a trekie like you so I dont' know what it is called) but only from the knuckle up....

 
At 12:49 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

I thought there were midgets and dwarves. midgets being proportionate and dwarves having dwarvism effecting the body where some body parts are normal and others are smaller.

 
At 12:58 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Look what I found.
Dwarfism is usually a genetic condition related to one of the chondrodystrophies such as achondroplastic dwarfism. This category included individuals with normal body proportions, but with the characteristic ocular or palate changes. There are about 30 different types of congenital dwarfism. A pygmy is an anthropological term referring to a race in Southern Africa, all of whom are of small stature. It is occasionally used to indicate small size, but the accurate use is only in relation to one particular race of individuals. A midget is a loose term referring to an individual -usually in the lower 10% of height for age and not reaching further height. This individuals can be treated with growth hormone if caught in time.

 
At 1:48 PM, Blogger Daniel Levesque said...

Interesting story, and MUCH cleaner, kinder, and more respectful than some of the ones I have heard from the guys about their interest in midget women.

Kinda shows one of the core differences between men and women actually.

www.ravingconservative.com

 
At 4:50 PM, Blogger Ssssteve said...

Great story!! Funny!

 
At 5:33 PM, Anonymous gorilla said...

well, me and my friend are debating.... can you own a midget? i dont mean to be mean to any of you out there, but people have told me you can.... and she says u cant....

 
At 6:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

does anyone know where you can purchase a midget? I've been searching for some time now. I just want to have one so I can walk it down the street while it raps and shouts things in its ultra cool voice!

 

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