Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Phat Tuesday

I’m not sure why but the Catholics have deemed me worthy of having my own day. I’m not sure of the rules of having your own day so I’m going to have to make some up. Phat Tuesday should be the one day in the year where people would live the way I would have wanted (not the way I do ‘cause going to work, coming home, eating dinner, reading or playing video games then going to sleep to do it all over again doesn’t sound like a winner of a day). So here are some things that should be done on Phat Tuesday.

• Everyone should answer their phone with the Phat Tuesday greeting. ring “I’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts, how can I help you.”

• The official Phat Tuesday breakfast will consist of a bloody Mary and a cigarette. For those that don’t smoke, just hold on to an unlit one while drinking your bloody Mary, it will make you look sophisticated.

• A parade should be held in each city. The parade will consist of jogglers, chimps dressed up like people, low riding 60’s cars with hydraulics, and those weirdoes that ride the bikes with the one really big wheel and the one really small wheel.

• On Phat Tuesday the work day only lasts till 11:30 so that everyone has time to make it to the parade. The parade route will end at the largest bar in the city where it’s nickel draft beer.

• At 7 pm on Phat Tuesday everyone should throw a party or go to a party. The party must have a midget present to be considered a Phat Tuesday party. There should also be one fire eater there or at least a crazy guy with a lighter.

• A countdown will be held at 10 seconds before 10pm. You can’t party all night; you got to work in the morning you lush.

Sounds like a good time. Anyway if you have some suggestions for Phat Tuesday celebration, let me know in the comments.


At 5:22 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Sign me up, Doc!

And don't tell the kids, but smoking really does make you look cool!
(I quit about a year and a half ago. Still miss it, but not too bad. Bought a new gun with the $ I saved!!)

I'm definitely down with the Bloody Mary!!

At 6:41 AM, Blogger The Anti-Hippie said...

Sweeeeeet. I'll be the crazy guy with a lighter!

At 9:49 AM, Blogger Wyatt Earp said...

On Phat Tuesday, random cop beatings will not only be allowed, but encouraged!

(Gotta get something out of the deal.)

At 10:12 AM, Anonymous linda said...

Does that mean we get to beat a cop? (No one in mind, I promise!)

At 10:19 AM, Blogger a4g said...

Too bad you can't see me through the screen. I'm lifting my shirt and showing my man-boobs.

At 12:11 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Heh man cleavage. Normally only found at sporting events and swimming pools.

At 12:14 PM, Blogger Uber said...

Heh, he said man boobs.

I hope we can change things up a bit just to make due with what we have.
Like "hello, I have a bunch of cats to get rid of (er I mean find homes for), want one?", replace the bloody mary with V8 juice, the midget with a really short mother.

Maybe I can get her to joggle while riding the wheel barrow down my drive way, it has one really small wheel!

At 2:25 PM, Blogger Deathlok said...

You should change your name to Dr. Shrove Tony!!

At 2:48 PM, Blogger Contagion said...

If today is Phat Tuesday, does that make tomorrow Obese Wednesday where people can sit around all day drinking beer and eating various meat products?

At 5:00 PM, Blogger Uber said...

Wednesday already has a theme, being hump day and all.

At 8:15 AM, Blogger Ssssteve said...

Heh linda said "beat a cop"!


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