Valentine’s Day Help
Uber has been giving advice as to what to buy women for Valentine’s Day. This seems to be backwards to me. I’ve yet to meet a woman that actually knows what she wants, so for a woman to tell a guy what to buy for another woman seems ridiculous.
Do not worry guys; I’m here to help. Follow these easy rules for Valentine’s Day gift shopping and you will have the same results that I get on a daily basis (Results may vary, please don’t sue me).
• Buy your wife a new vacuum cleaner. Giving you wife appropriate tools so that she can clean the house is a wonderful gift idea. Women love to feel useful and giving them a good vacuum cleaner will remind them that there is always a floor somewhere that needs to be cleaned. Do not buy them the roomba though. Reason one, is because a roomba will take away some of the work that they have to do, and with that, take away some of their usefulness. Reason two is because the roomba is controlled by a computer. If something is controlled by a computer, then soon you will be living in fear of it. Need I mention the Matrix or Terminator?
• Tell your significant other “I love you.” while she’s doing the laundry. Nothing like letting your loved one know how much you like clean underwear. If your feeling up to it, you can even offer to let her know when the rinse cycle is over.
• Do not buy flowers. Flowers die after a short while and there is nothing more depressing than giving a gift that signifies your love, then watching it whither away after a few days. If you want to buy her something colorful; buy her a cookbook with lots of pictures.
• Do not take her out to eat. Besides the endless wait that you would have to endure to taste some overcooked, overpriced food, you will also take away from her the opportunity to take care of you. She lives to take care of you.
• Take your shoes from the living room to your closet. Make sure that when you take your shoes to the closet to let her know you are doing this. You wouldn’t want your gift to go unnoticed.
• Diuretics and appetite suppressants are also a wonderful gift idea. Even if your better half isn’t over weight, the presence of weight loss pills in the house will make her want to stay in shape. Nothing says I love you, like letting her know that you are watching her figure.
• Buy her a case of beer. Remember that first time you got lucky? Do your best to revisit those times. What a romantic time that was.
• Let her decide what video game you play on Valentine’s Day. Couples that play together; stay together.
So there are some wonderful tips for you guys for Valentine’s Day. I’m sure your woman will agree that you haven’t done anything right, but that’s because they don’t really know what they want. Why try is what I’m saying. Also it’s recommended that you should wear a cup before following any of my advice. Good luck.