Thursday, March 16, 2006

Hypothetically Speaking Answers

Hypothetically, if I had time last night I would have answered these questions then, but I'm answering them now instead. Here we go.

B-Cack asks: "Ok Phat Tony here is one. Hypothetically speaking, if a hippie were to take a bath (catch your breath, I know it would NEVER happen but come on, humor me) so if said hippie were to take a bath, how much of each would they use: 1)Soap
3)Patchoulie (a well known hippie cover scent)"

DPT: This sound like one of those unaswerable math questions, like what is the square root of -1. There is many variables to this question. How much water pressure are we talking? Can we substitute caustic soda for soap? I'll send this to Cray so that they can run some simulations, since I doubt there will ever be a live experiment.

Daniel Levesque asks: "Hypothetically speaking, would you rather spend the rest of your life stuck in a full service mansion with all of the luxuries you could ever want, but the problem being hat you must share it with 30 of the most liberal people on the planet, or would you rather chew off your own foot?"

DPT: I think you have the ratio about right. 30 libs vrs one conservative equals a fair fight. The good thing is that I would be able to dispatch them while they were trying to get UN approval to retaliate against my attacks. The mansion would be mine in a matter of weeks.

Pop asks: "Your pop is providing me with lunch today in honor of people eating a tasty animal day. So I will eat at least two or three tasty animals in support of PETA day. Thank you Jeff."

DPT: Not sure how to respond to that since it was neither a question or hypothetical. Ummm....good for you and Jeff.

FIAR asks: "Hypothetically speaking, which would you rather be: Jill, or a dirty hippie PETArd?"

DPT: Hypothetically I would rather be a goat that belonged to a PETArd contributor. PETA would kill me, since they destroy %90 percent of the animals they "rescue", but a contributor to PETA would treat me as their god.

Linda asks: "If a group of us went together and bought lottery tickets, in FL or GA, would you share the wealth or disappear overnight?"

DPT: Peace out, I'll send you a post card. With lots of money, I could afford to be a recluse or buy me that entourage I've been wanting.

JimmyB the CUG asks: "To springboard off of Fitch: Would you rather kill Jill, or a dirty-hippy PETArd?"

DPT: I heard the PETArds are tough, stringy and leave a bad after taste. I think Jill would make a better meal.

JimmyB the CUG asks: "Hypothetically: If you new a right wing blogger that was a gun nut and worked in the auto-industry, would you let him come over for supper and have a slice of Jill? If he brought some guns to shoot, would that help? Heh. Hypothetically, of course...."

DPT: You will be invited. I just hope you can make it. As the time grows near I'll get you directions and an official invite.

JimmyB the CUG said: "That should have been knew, not new."

DPT: Why not gnu?

Fmragtops asks: "Let's say that I have a friend that has a hypothetical ex-wife. Hypothetically, do think he could hypothetically post her picture on his blog, and see if people will pay him hypothetical money to hypothetically not kill her...Hypothetically speaking of course."

DPT: Hypothetically, do you know any hypothetical people that would pay for the hypothetical life of a hypothetical x-wife?

Cove Rebel said: "I'm just glad UAW Guy didn't say "...and have a PIECE of Jill." THAT would be a whole different request!"

DPT: hypothetically if he did, jokes would come forth about him living in Tennessee, he could be a fire chief in Mississippi, and comedy would ensue.

Crazy Politico asks: "Hypothetically speaking, if Pamela "I am PETA" Anderson offered to do you like she did Tommy Lee in their home video in exchange for Jill's life, would you take the offer?"

DPT: I've never been big on hepatitis or herpes, so I would pass.

A4G asks: "Hypothetically speaking, if you mated Jill with the Dr. Phat chimp, would you get a poo-throwing goat, or a monkey with a dog-pleasuring fetish?"

DPT: You mean like a choat or a gimp? I'm thinking poo throwing gimp.

Tyler D. asks: "Hypothetically speaking, if I had a very good marinade for goat meat, would I be invited to the barbecue?"

DPT: You're invited too. I know you can make it, cause it's not that far of a drive for you.

Beej said: "I have no question today :(I just wanted to say that I f**king *hate* the smell of Patchouli! It makes me heave."

DPT: I think that everyone is just glad your back.

Contagion asks: "If you had the choice of doing a job you hated and making in excess of $250,000 a year or a Job you love doing making $35,000 a year. What would you do? What if you couldn't blog with the job you hated?"

DPT: I have long ago realized that regardless of what you do for a living it becomes work. Since I've never been big on work, I would take the money and the sucky job. Everyone has their price. As for blogging, it's fun but taking care of my family comes first.

Alright, that's all for this week's q&a. Hypothetically it would have taken me longer if more people asked questions.


At 9:09 AM, Anonymous linda said...

That was hypothetically funny!

A letter at kissmysass says some soldiers wrote to Starbucks for coffee and got a letter that said they didn't support the war or soldiers--I'm thinking we shouldn't support them!

At 9:16 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

It was featured on snopes and dispelled. That email has been circulated for a while.

At 9:23 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Here is the link.

At 10:36 AM, Anonymous linda said...

Thanks for the link, oh eagle-eyed one! I thought it sounded like a stupid thing for them to do--not that stupid things haven't been done before!

At 10:42 AM, Blogger a4g said...

Hysterical, oh master.

At 11:31 AM, Blogger Cove Rebel said...

Ever wonder if anyone ever runs Snopes through a lie test? I mean, we have all come to rely on that web site as some sort of de-facto truth center. They could tell us anything and we'd believe it. Sort of like democrats and the media. eek!

At 7:17 PM, Anonymous FIAR said...

It looks like everyone has Jill on their minds.

Great post Doc.

At 9:10 PM, Blogger Uber said...

OMG CR has a great point. Couldn't think of that before the Q&A was over, eh? Anyhow. We should create our own version of Snopes, just to be safe.

Masterfully funny Q&A, Doc! I'd have most definitely asked a Q had I not been busy with stuff, hypothetically of course.


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