Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Save Jill



I would like to introduce to you a new member of the Dr. Phat Tony family. This is Jill. Jill is 3 ½ weeks old, and probably one of the cutest things ever. Unfortunately Jill is in a fight for her life and she doesn’t even know it. I’ve tried to explain the rules of the house to Jill, but I doubt she understands them. There are a few rules at casa de Phat Tony’s. One rule is, you have to be of use to live with me. Unfortunately, as of right now, Jill is only good at eating and pooping. This doesn’t give her any significant use. I have laid down the ultimatum to Jill. Jill is to raise $16,000 or Jill is going to become a wonderful dinner on March 15 2007 Sept 16, 2006. Jill only has one of two uses; she is either going to make money for the family or feed the family. Yes, I’m serious. Everyone currently living at my house has a purpose and at least the potential to make money, except Jill. What will happen if Jill does raise the money? She will live out her natural life on a farm being a happy goat and doing whatever happy goats do (mainly eating and pooping), never having to worry about being anyone’s dinner. What if she doesn’t raise the money? She’ll end up being the main course at the “Eat a Tasty Animal for PETA” feast next year Phat Tony barbeque in September.

I’m sure some of you are thinking I’m cold and callous. You would be right. I have no qualms about putting a bullet through Jill’s head, then butchering her to feed friends and family. You can stop this. Instead of just complaining about how mean I am, put a dollar in a the pot and help keep Jill breathing instead of cooking. You and 16000 of your friends can donate a dollar (or you and 8000 of your friends donating 2 dollars) to keep Jill from becoming a delicious meal. Do I really expect Jill to raise the money? No, I expect Jill to be cooking slowly on March 15 2007 Sept 16, 2006, but I’ve been wrong before. It’s up to you and I’m sure Jill would be grateful for you donation to her continued life as a goat and not as a dish. The clock is ticking and I will posting updates and pictures on a regular basis letting you know how Jill is doing. I will also be posting pictures of the meal if Jill fails.

Donate Now To Save Jill

Jill and her mommy.



Update 1
Update 2
Update 3
Update 4

You can also buy Jill Swag now to help Save Jill!

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58 Comments:

At 7:25 AM, Blogger banjodude said...

Maaaahaaa!

 
At 8:12 AM, Blogger Ssssteve said...

What time is dinner?!

 
At 8:20 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Mmmmmmm....Jill chops...

 
At 8:26 AM, Blogger Citizen Grim said...

hahaha, that's spectacular. I'm a big fan of trying to get people to pay me not to do something.

stay tuned to RHOG, where (if I remember) I will be detailing my plan to get people to pay me not to have three hamsters duel to the death.

 
At 8:41 AM, Anonymous linda said...

Very odd that you would post this just after the post about the man in Afica having to marry his goat! Very odd indeed! Does this goat know something you don't want us to know? Does Jill have your eyes? Hmmmm.......how odd!

 
At 8:46 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

I think that was Wyatt that posted the guy marrying the goat.

 
At 8:50 AM, Anonymous linda said...

Well, it's hard to tell one butt-head from the other! HA

 
At 9:28 AM, Anonymous Scouser said...

You could always send her out trimming the neighbour's lawns for $5 per time, then she can eat & poop & earn money at the same time. She will not be pooping in your house, Win - Win & if she doesn't make enough money you can still eat her, Win - Win - Win. I'm a bit partial to Goat Curry actually. BTW, Big party at my place today, all are welcome to join in.

 
At 9:46 AM, Blogger JoeCool1013 said...

DPT,
You do live in Al-bama right?? This is a goat right??
GIT-R-DUN!!!!
Jill's cute!!!

Buwahahahahahhahaha!!!!!

 
At 9:51 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

You're thinking of Tennessee residents, here we just burn churches for no apparent reason.

 
At 11:04 AM, Blogger The MaryHunter said...

I love Indian food, so I'll contribute a few spices n other stuff for a yummy Jill Vindaloo...

 
At 11:24 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

No try just do. The goat will be skinned, cleaned, and eatin on that date.

 
At 11:24 AM, Blogger Uber said...

Nice try, Doc.

Happy eatins!



Oh yeah, I thought it was Peakah who had the guy marrying the goat post.

 
At 11:36 AM, Blogger JoeCool1013 said...

My bad, Doc!!!

 
At 12:23 PM, Anonymous lil' B-Cack said...

Be sure to put some rosemary and sage on Jill while she is cooking... and don't forget the goat gravy!

 
At 1:08 PM, Anonymous tommy said...

I could probably come up with a few bucks to reserve a spot at the dinner table.

 
At 1:14 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

That will be an option if Jill fails.

 
At 1:21 PM, Blogger Tyler D. said...

I'm coming over. I have this fantastic marinade.

 
At 1:25 PM, Blogger David said...

Proud Papa!

;-)

 
At 1:54 PM, Blogger spacemonkey said...

I'd reccomend a brown flour based gravy,

 
At 1:58 PM, Anonymous Stretch said...

The skin makes great leg warmers on those cold Alabama nights!

Also, remember, garlic-curry lamb is FANTASTIC!

 
At 2:08 PM, Anonymous Steve the Pirate said...

Do I get to come to the "Eat a Tasty Animal for PETA" feast?

I think you could make some money selling tickets for such an event.

 
At 2:14 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

If Jill doesn't raise money with her life, she might be able to raise a few bucks as dinner.

 
At 2:42 PM, Anonymous linda said...

This is just a ploy to see if Pam Anderson will show up nekkid on your lawn, isn't it?

 
At 4:30 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

No. This is real. I own Jill. I will eat Jill next March if she doesn't raise the money. Serious as I can get.

 
At 4:36 PM, Anonymous B-Cack said...

Phat Tony,

I am interested in your goat meal, I would be lying if I said that I have never dined on such a fine animal, but... I believe you are selling yourself short here man. Think about it: As someone mentioned above, you do live in Bama... did you ever think about starting a web site... "Pimp My Goat" In one years time you could pimp that goat out numerous times and double or perhaps even triple your 16K.... think about it.. and if Jill is ever towards Texas.. uh gimmie a call, I got a twenty that the wife doesn't know about...
P.S. If you make them stand at a cliff they get scared and back up into you... or so I am told..... I gotta go. B-Cack

 
At 4:37 PM, Anonymous b-Cack said...

Beware the Ides of March too

 
At 5:23 PM, Anonymous FIAR said...

For some reason, I'd rather eat Jill, than save her.

Mmmm. Lamb chops.

 
At 5:23 PM, Blogger The Anti-Hippie said...

I might have to drop in for dinner that night... Maybe bring some Kitten Kabobs!

 
At 5:29 PM, Blogger Crazy Politico said...

March 2007, by then the goat will be too old. They taste best at 7-9 months, like lambs do, so I've heard.

 
At 4:19 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

The goat farmer assured me that I could kill Jill at a year old and the meat would still taste fine.

 
At 4:49 AM, Blogger PoP said...

I would never have thought you would stoop so low to hold such a cute little animal hostage for ransom. this reeks of Sally Struthers and feed the poor for 50 cents a day tear jerking infomercials. Way to go son.

 
At 8:19 AM, Blogger fmragtops said...

I've never eaten goat. Is it good?

 
At 8:44 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

I've never had it myself, but I'm a big fan of cooked animal flesh.

 
At 9:21 AM, Blogger Deathlok said...

From the other comments, I believe that you have Catch 22 on your hands.
The best way for the lovely lass (Yeah, I'd go there!. . I've got a little Scottish heritage to back me up) to make the money . . .we in Govment call it funding. . .is to charge per plate. Unfortunately, the thing that will save her is the thing that kills her.

I you patê'd her up, you could make a Lot of Gyros. Lamb Patê could almost give Scrapple a run for it's money.

 
At 6:33 PM, Blogger Crazy Politico said...

Tony and Fmragtops, I'm pretty sure while visiting some crappy middle eastern country I ate it, but didn't know it was goat. But since all the meat over there tasted the same, I'll assume it was all goat. It wasn't baaaad... Wait, that's lamb.

 
At 8:13 AM, Blogger PoP said...

When I was in Korea we BBQed a neighboring attachments Mascot goat and invited them to the party. They never knew who they were eating. very tasty. Beer marinade over night.

 
At 8:50 AM, Anonymous linda said...

Oh, Pop! I kinda wish you hadn't shared that!

 
At 11:00 AM, Anonymous steve the pirate said...

Pop, you are now my hero.
/salute

 
At 2:41 PM, Blogger LadyCelticFire said...

You're just SICK dude. Try getting some mental help... Its free...

 
At 5:16 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

heh I didn't see your dollar in the pot there lady. I think you just don't want Jill saved.

 
At 5:24 PM, Blogger nomoretreehugginhippiecrap said...

Will there be some "Kill Jill" swag available

 
At 4:59 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

I'm currently working on it.

 
At 7:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You may want to check with the pro's over that started Save Toby. They hit the $17,000 dollar mark for a rabbit.

http://urbanlegends.about.com/b/a/146890.htm

 
At 2:46 AM, Blogger LadyGunn said...

You might end up with more moulah if you set up a Kill Jill fund to go against the Save Jill side. Whichever gets the most money wins. Of course, you win ($$$!) either way...

 
At 2:54 AM, Blogger LadyGunn said...

You might end up with more moulah if you set up a Kill Jill fund to go against the Save Jill side. Whichever gets the most money wins. Of course, you win ($$$!) either way...

 
At 2:56 AM, Blogger LadyGunn said...

Snap! Sorry...

 
At 6:29 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

I'm thinking about having a Kill Jill T-shirt.

 
At 7:03 PM, Anonymous mukrz said...

May I suggest some fine hardwood charcoal - not that cheap match-lite stuff, and a good bottle of some dark red wine.

You are going to kill your own kid! Ha ha ha!

 
At 6:17 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

It would be unfortunate if it came down to that, but I guess technically you're right.

 
At 12:38 PM, Anonymous beej said...

Jill looks really yummy and um...succulent.

I'm already picturing mint jelly all over her delicious roasted flesh :)

PS - I'm broke so I can't save her.

 
At 11:21 AM, Blogger Bike Bubba said...

I'm told that goat cooks a lot like lamb--mustard, garlic, and honey worked really well for that a few times for me. I agree as well about cooking it over hardwood instead of charcoal or propane. Don't forget a bit of salt, too.

 
At 11:50 PM, Anonymous Jill said...

This is fucking insane! Are you serious?!?!? What kind of frickin animals are you?!?!? Tony, you are such a nice guy. I am truly sad.

 
At 1:26 PM, Anonymous kittycatlane said...

Well now, it seems that you are secretly hoping to BBQ poor Jill anyway, because if you really wanted her to contribute or pull her weight, (so to speak) you would have her out 'mowing' your's and any neighbor's yards, plus, I know people who pay big bucks for goat milk, and or cheese made with goat milk, then there's always the poop end of things, a big old compost pile and then sell it as organic fertalizer... come on Man, THINK here... but NOOOOO You're just thinking of those hot coals, and Jill turning on a spit, roasting to a gorgeous brown, dripping with juices, maybe even a really nice homemade BBQ sauce.... ummm will there be corn on the cob too? BIG HUGS, Steph

 
At 3:55 PM, Anonymous Marido_de_Laura said...

Screw her, start stoking the coals... I love tender little lambs over a grill.

 
At 3:58 PM, Anonymous Marido_de_Laura said...

Notice I said lamb
at that age there is no difference in the taste, well to me at least... or perhaps that is because by the time they are ready to eat I am already sauced?
Oh well who cares, as long as it gets the peta creeps riled up.

 
At 5:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

After the storms here last Friday night, maybe you should insure Jill for the 15 grand and then let the next storm take care of her for you.

Or just insure her and then eat her and turn in her bones for the money. I like the 2nd idea better. Kinda reminds me of the Cigar song by Brad Paisley. LOL!!

DanFan

 
At 6:58 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Hey Dan Fan,
The Dan Satterfield show was on last Friday Night. He kept me rollin' for hours.

Kitty, no one wants a goat to cut there lawn leaving little land mines all over the place.

Marido,
She will be 8 months old very soon. Those last three weeks will be filled with lots of good oats, corn, molasses, and standing still so that she can marble well.

 

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