Monday, May 08, 2006


I know I haven’t posted in a while, but it was because of a personal crisis that I wasn’t even aware of. What can I say; denial was so powerful that I couldn’t even tell I had a problem. It wasn’t till I was sat down by my friends and family that I could look at my addiction and tell it was a problem. I think that writing this post will help me come to grips with this powerful addiction and overcome it. I will do my best to transcribe the events that happened that fateful afternoon when I came home after work to find my living room filled with people that care about me. God bless them all.

DPT: What’s going on? If there was a party and I wasn’t invited, I’m going to be pissed.

Pop: Son we need to have a talk with you about a problem that is real apparent to all of us.

DPT: Look, I only tried them on once as a joke. It was funny. Mrs. DPT laughed. I was just trying to lighten the mood.

Mrs. DPT: (shakes head) Not that stupid.

DPT: What the hell are you guys talking about then?

Pop: We’re talking about the addiction you have.

DPT: What addiction?

Pop: We’ve all noticed that you are addicted to sissy coffee.

DPT: Huh!? You mean the gourmet creamers I use in my morning coffee?

Pop: Yes. Men don’t use those foofoo creamers in their coffee son. I think you have a serious problem. We’re all here to let you know that you can depend on us to support you during your rehab.

DPT: So what if I like the taste of amoretto in my coffee, or the taste of fat free hazel nut. French vanilla coffee mate taste great. It’s not hurting anyone. It’s not affecting my work.

Mrs. DPT: It would be different if it was just once in a while, but it’s everyday and I’m beginning to wonder about you. If it was just a little bit of milk and sugar that would be one thing, but these gourmet creamers are making you look like a pansy.

DPT: I can’t believe this…

I’ll stop there with the transcript. Needless to say the rest of the conversation was filled with emotions that just shouldn’t be shared out of my closest circle of friends and family. I have turned over a new leaf though. I’m slowly working on removing the gourmet creamers out of my daily coffee. I’m so ashamed.


At 10:05 AM, Blogger Ssssteve said...

Screwwwww That!! Rasberry Mocha's for everyone!!!

And Firssssst with some flair!!!!!!

At 10:53 AM, Blogger a4g said...


Couldn't you have just said you were a closet liberal? Or a terrorist? Or Canadian?

Gourmet creamers? Say it ain't so, Doctor.

At 10:55 AM, Anonymous FIAR said...

I'll come out of the closet as well. I like french vanilla in my coffee. That's right FRENCH vanilla.

I deny that this is a problem

At 10:56 AM, Blogger PoP said...

Son, I'm proud of you. Acceptance of having a problem is a good step in getting through this and telling the truth to those who read your posts( if there are any left)will support your rehab. One day you will be able walk into any Waffle House and say I'll have mine black.

At 11:30 AM, Anonymous lil' b-cack said...

You can beat your addiction Phat Tony. Don't let those caramel fag-achinos own you!

At 11:38 AM, Anonymous fmragtops said...

DPT, I have been lost without your answers to my questions. Don't let this addiction stop you from helping those of us who need your guidance.

I put ice in my coffee. Do I need an intervention or is ice in the coffee an acceptable practice?

At 11:46 AM, Anonymous Kath said...

MMMMM gourmet creamers. what would life be without them?

At 12:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

fat free hazel nut!??!!?? Thats great, I didnt know that.

At 12:56 PM, Anonymous linda said... little foofoo you! heh

At 4:36 PM, Blogger Patriot Xeno said...

well, as much as I hated to hear that you were a gourmet creamer foo foo man, i'm immensely proud of you for taking the necessary steps.

nothing like a strong black coffee.

At 5:25 PM, Blogger Cove Rebel said...

I like my coffee like I like my women... ground up and in the freezer!

That's what you get when your office is 95% women!

At 5:26 PM, Blogger Cove Rebel said...

Oh and have you told Pop about your mug with kittens on it you keep at work?

At 6:18 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Those are japanese attack cats. It's makes all the difference in the world.

At 8:13 PM, Blogger The Anti-Hippie said...

Doc, admitting that you have a problem is the first step... and that could be construed as a problem. Now, would you like a nice apron to go with your skirt?

At 9:18 AM, Blogger JoeCool1013 said...

Maybe we should change your name to Dr. Phat Tonya...
Ask Sssstevie-Boy how many "pumps" of Rasberry he likes in his coffee.

Putting gourmet creamers in your coffee is like having sex with somebody from alabama. It's ok you just don't tell your friends about it.

At 9:18 AM, Blogger JoeCool1013 said...

OOPPSS!!! I meant Arkansas!!!

At 10:13 AM, Anonymous linda said...

jc--you are just asking for it fella!

At 11:26 AM, Blogger JoeCool1013 said...


At 1:40 PM, Blogger PoP said...

You have a Kitty Cup? Oh son, how this hurts. Please, Please, Repent.

At 7:20 PM, Blogger Contagion said...

Thank god someone interviened. Gourmet creamers are a gateway to pastels and sweaters tied around your neck!


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