Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Exercise in Futility Week 1

I started going to the gym last week and have actually made it through a whole seven days without quitting so far. Good for me. It’s been tough since I haven’t really gone to the gym in the last five years. The first week is always the worse, and this last week has reminded me how much I hate exercising. I’ll explain.

The first day I worked out my chest and triceps. I knew I was going to be sore, but didn’t realize that I wouldn’t be able to smoke a cigarette without looking like I had cerebral palsy. I could have completed the whole look if I just had a handkerchief tied to my hand and drooled. So there was that and my legs were so tired after my run that I used the Segway, that my work has for me to use, to get around between buildings, which makes me look gay. So just after the first day I looked like a queer cripple.

The next day, while looking like a queer cripple, I worked out my back and biceps. I hoped this would even out the sore and stiff muscles from my first work out. It helped a little. I was able to reach my face now but unable to extend my arm fully. So in the end I still looked like I had cerebral palsy. My run again made my legs tired, so again I used the Segway to get around. I guess my plan didn’t work like I had wanted it to.

Day three I decided that since most of my muscles were sore and stiff, the best thing to do was just some abs and lower back exercises. Of course, I still ran my 25 minutes but it wasn’t as bad. I rode the Segway again because, well, I’m starting to like riding around on it. It still makes me look queer, but I’m secure enough in my heterosexuality not to care.

I ended up working out six out of the seven days of the week. I still plan to take Sundays off since I need one day to totally relax and not work up a sweat. I’m not even going to look at a scale until my clothes start to get too big. I really don’t care much about weight anyway. If I weighed 500lb but looked good it wouldn’t bother me. I’ll keep you updated on the gym experiment.

11 Comments:

At 9:45 AM, Anonymous you other half!!! said...

im so proud of you my baby !!!!!!
;-))

 
At 1:26 PM, Blogger Wyatt Earp said...

And she says "baby" because you're all bald and flabby. Heh.

"Queer cripple?" Would that be shortened to "Quipple?"

 
At 6:51 PM, Blogger Contagion said...

You used a segway... I thought I knew you.

 
At 9:19 PM, Anonymous fmragtops said...

First fruitsy creamers, and now riding a segway...What's next? Moisturizing and exfoliating?

 
At 9:55 AM, Anonymous MEGABRAD said...

Hey DPT,

Just wanted to say thanks for the invite to the Jill roast!That kicks ass! Have to decline though, as much as I'd like to attend,conquering the world is taking up way too much of my time.

Heh heh heh,.."queer cripple",... heh heh..

 
At 4:37 PM, Anonymous b-cack said...

Don't let Phat Tony get to be Fat Tony...

 
At 7:08 PM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Good luck!

 
At 4:23 AM, Blogger Crazy Politico said...

Tony, there is a theory that exercise is bad for you. You see, your heart only has so many beats in it. By exercising, you are using them quicker.

That's why anything more strenuous than a 12 oz curl is verboten in my house :)

 
At 2:35 PM, Blogger The Anti-Hippie said...

Sounds about like me... I started summer gym a week ago Monday, and I could barely stay standing afterwards for the first four days. Two-and-a-half hours of that exercise crap'll do that to ya.

 
At 12:41 PM, Blogger Ssssteve said...

Doc, I have to disagree with you about the 500 pounds and still looking good. Anything over about 300 no matter what height doesn't look good!

 
At 11:05 PM, Blogger Peakah said...

buwaahahah... smoking a cig with cerebral phalsy. That was exactly how I felt last week.

I worked out for the first time in a while on the pecs and tris and had to work on the phones all the next day... I just put the handset on the desk and rested my head on top of it instead because my hand would no longer reach my head...

oh yeah, the boss really loved that idea...

 

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