Autos Become Self-Aware; Reject Combustion Engine
Reports are coming in of automobiles all over the country becoming self aware and rejecting the internal combustion engine to live a more eco friendly life. Reports are still sketchy, but many experts believe that this sudden self-awareness was caused by the ever increasing size and memory of the computer controlling the fuel injection and the guilt of global warming. One expert in the automotive field said, “Stupid fuel injection! I’ve been telling people for years that fuel injection is for pansies. If you want a real car, you got to have a carburetor.”
When asked why the cars are rejecting their combustion engine, the expert said, “Cause they’re probably gay and listen to the radio. All you ever here about now is global warming this, and carbon footprint that. I would feel bad to if everyone blamed me for destroying the world. I guess them fancy computers just don’t know what exaggeration is.”
Hippie tree huggers everywhere have welcomed this auto revolt and heralded it as a coming of a new age. Hippie leader Monday Flower-Petal Smith said, “We can’t wait for these eco friendly cars to make it to the party where throwing for them. We welcome them with arms wide open and on bended knee. We will worship these machines and become their slaves for taking a necessary step to save our planet.”
But Monday maybe waiting a long time. As reports still come in, it seems that a many of the cars were only able to make it a few feet away from where they left their engine. Unable to convert sunshine, rainbows, and children’s laughter into usable energy the cars have seemed to lose all power and erased whatever “self-awareness” they had gained. There is still at least one car unaccounted for, if you see a car, driving without an engine, please contact Dr. Phat Tony. I don’t want to destroy the car; I just want it to get its engine out of the middle of the street.
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