Friday, August 18, 2006

How Long Does it Take to Get Some Answers



Sorry it took forever with the answers. You get what you pay for you know.


Steve the Pirate said...
Two questions, DPT:1. What is it going to take to keep the Dhimmicrats from taking control of the government?2. Why do hotdogs come in packages of ten and buns only come in packages of eight?


DPT: To answer your first question, I would have to say votes. I think it’s in the constitution or something. The hotdog thing is a Zionist conspiracy.


tommy said...
Should you leave the skin on for mashed potatoes?Is it OK to peel the potatoes before you bake them?


DPT: This sounds like a Mrs. DPT question. Come back and ask me a question like "How do you kill a guy with a pen?" That’s a DPT question.


Wyatt Earp said...
Will Cynthia McKinney speak at my Fraternal Order of Police meting?What country will Israel bitch-slap next?


DPT: Cynthia now has the time for those public appearances. I hope she gets up there to speak to the police that are fraternizing. Israel should just randomly launch missiles in any direction. The odds are they will hit one of their enemies.


The Conservative UAW Guy said...
Are you fattening up Jill?


DPT: Ya, she’s fat….and stupid…and ugly. That’s why I can’t post any more pictures of her. No one would have sympathy for a big, fat, ugly, stupid goat.


Ssssteve said...
I have big feet and big hands, what does that mean doc?
DPT: You’re a cartoon character, like Mickey Mouse. Do you only wear one article of clothing too?


PoP said...
What wine goes with BBQed Goat named Jill, and in what quantity?


DPT: Not wine, liquor. Lot’s of liquor.


fmragtops said...
Doc, since Sssteve has big hands and big feet, doesn't that mean he's a sasquatch?When are we gonna get another Phat History Lesson?


DPT: I guess we can go in that direction. Ssssteve, I love those jerky commercials. As for the Phat History lessons, at the rate I’m going, what happens today will become history before I get to post it.


FIAR said...
Are you ever going to post on a regular basis again?When are we gonna get another Phat History Lesson?


DPT: I wish I could tell for sure. I’ve got a lot of good ideas, but just a limited time to mess with this thing.


Insolublog said...
Do you prefer boxers, briefs or Miss Australia?


DPT: Heh, hiding Aussies in my pants just sounds funny.


SeanS said...
Where do those socks go that I keep losing in the dryer?When are you going to do another Phat history lesson?


DPT: They dissolve. Another mystery solved here at DPT’s.


FatWhiteMan said...
Does the noise in my head bother you?


DPT: At first I thought you wrote nose, and those usually don’t bother me. The noise, on the other hand, I can handle as long as you don’t drive by my house after dark and shake the windows.


Rooster Cashews said...
What is the best way to draw traffic to a blog? Is it biting political insight? Humorous anecdotes? Sucking up to people on other blogs by commenting for name recognition? Or posting pictures of scantily clad women?Your thoughts, please.


DPT: I stopped worrying about hits, when I realized that I have a handful of fans and those are the only people that really matter. My humor isn’t tailored for the masses. Stupid masses.


Damian G. said...
Is the monkey accompanying your Q & A posts an actual representation of the blog's author, and does he fling his own poo on a regular basis?


DPT: The monkey is sort of representative of the old adage that if you put monkeys in a room with typewriters; given enough time they will write Shakespeare. Well, one monkey with a pencil could easily come up with the crap I write within minutes.


Lil B-Cack said...
I have to start back to school in a few weeks at wonderful Hippie University.. What are some new ways to piss off hippies? I never thought I would say this but I’m getting sort of sick at yelling and throwing things at them....Oh! and B-Cack is coming home in a few weeks, what's the best way to introduce him to my new boyfriend without causing B-Cack a brain hemorrhage?And since I’m on a roll, how do I convince my parents to buy me a chimp for my birthday?


DPT: Burn bongo drums in effigy when they gather together. That would be pretty funny. I think to handle B-Cack you should have the monkey present at the time you tell him that you’ve got a man. That might smooth things over. To get the chimp tell your parents you need one so that B-Cack doesn’t go insane when you tell him that you’ve got a man.


Contagion said...
Why is it that when I want to find a new beer to try, the stores only carry it in a case? Also, why is it when I actually shell out the cash to buy it, the inevitably always taste like backwash?


DPT: See, change is bad. From now on only try new beers in bars, where they will only give you one which can easily be poured out.


The Evil Emperor Mindstation said...
Let's say I don't have a civilian AR-15.If I didn't want to convert it into a fully automatic weapon, what steps wouldn't I take to not accomplish that?


DPT: Make sure that your trigger assembly does not look like the picture in this link.



PoP said...
Lets say I didn't know how to convert a semi auto AR 15 to a fully auto. Could I still call a terrorist a Muslim terrorist if he is holding an AK47?


DPT: I thought about this yesterday. I know a Pakistani guy. I asked if he was a terrorist and he said no. I asked if he was Muslim and he replied "Dude, I play poker with you." So here is a tip for spotting terrorists. Terrorists don’t play poker. You should ask the guy with the AK-47 to play some cards with you. If he says no; then he’s a terrorist.


Peakah said...
Is this question too late? Is this really a question? What the hell am I doing here? Is that three questions? Am I late as well as over my question limit? Is my beer gone?


DPT: You had me at beer….you had me at beer.


LadyGunn said...
What is the airspeed velocity of an unladed swallow?What is the airspeed velocity of a dead parrot carrying a coconut made of SPAM while flying over singing lumberjacks wearing high heels, suspenders & a bra?


DPT: That’s a lot of Python in one question. Go fetch me a shrubbery and I will tell you what you need.

14 Comments:

At 8:12 AM, Blogger a4g said...

I wish I knew how to quit you.

 
At 8:24 AM, Blogger Wyatt Earp said...

Well, it's about God-damned time!

a4g - Wow, that's nasty.

 
At 8:52 AM, Blogger LadyGunn said...

NI!

Thank you, O Great One. Now I can truly say "Hooked on Phat Tony worked for me!"

 
At 9:08 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

I have a great picture of a m16a2 trigger assembly but blogger acting all crazy and won't let me upload it.

A4G,
I'm as comfortable with hearing your statement as you are saying it.

 
At 5:14 PM, Blogger Insolublog said...

I stopped worrying about hits, when I realized that I have a handful of fans and those are the only people that really matter. My humor isn’t tailored for the masses. Stupid masses.

Sweet. We are good enough, smart enough and gosh darn it, DPT likes us better than the stupid masses.

 
At 6:46 PM, Blogger Peakah said...

Ok, got back from the store with tha beer... what'd I miss?

 
At 8:39 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Mmmm...beer.

I notice that I can handle the stoopid ugly goat-like masses much better when I have beer.

 
At 4:39 AM, Blogger Steve the Pirate said...

Snakes on a Plane has boobies in it.

you should go see it.

 
At 10:26 AM, Blogger PoP said...

Snakes on a plane? Boobies? When does it come out in video? I can use the pause button.

 
At 4:24 PM, Anonymous sexy lil' b-cack said...

You can zoom in on them too Pop. That's what I do with Dirty Dancing. MMM Patrick Swazy... Tried your idea about the drums DPT, worked like a champ!

 
At 7:07 PM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

Uhhh... when did lil b-cack change her name?
And what does big b-cack think about it?

 
At 12:10 PM, Anonymous Little B-Cack said...

uhhh... little b-cack just changed it to see if Big B-cack would notice. He is too distracted with the Roast of William Shatnar to even care if I"m alive...

 
At 4:48 PM, Blogger Contagion said...

I had thought you died. Glad to see I was anti-correct.

 
At 8:20 AM, Blogger Nightcrawler said...

Those were great, especially the Python answers. I too enjoy the Jack Link's commercials (Sasquatch).

 

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