Simple Sayings and Stuff
A buddy of mine was going over some words to live by. I threw a couple of mine in there and think I might have come up with a definitive list. Enjoy.
Researchers say pigs have very intense orgasms…Ironically, most pigs think researchers are freaks in the sack.
You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, dead, urine and feces covered hand…And if you use a stick or something, you’re just a big pussy.
Never brag to your friends about humping the neighbor’s cat – always substitute in a lion or tiger or any animal you wouldn’t be ashamed to fit in to.
The ability to lick your own privates is a great and worthwhile skill – unless you are a drill sergeant in the army… Now that would get you in trouble mister…
You can attract more bees with honey than vinegar – so never run through bee hives with honey all over your naked body.
Brown-nosing the boss is fine when you’re the boss and like, really limber and stuff.
Nothing is more effective than teamwork, unless you’re all really, really, stupid or something.
To err is human; that’s why aliens can like, fly through space and stuff…
Sex with your sisters is wrong; unless you’re a coed in a sorority; then it’s good TV.
“Don’t eat the yellow snow.” doesn’t apply much in Alabama, but the adage “Don’t eat the mud coiled nicely in a pile next to a tree.” helps save lives.
It’s easier to get along with people when they know you can kick their ass.
Having a sports car doesn’t mean you’re compensating for a small penis. On the other hand, having a hybrid means you’re gay.
Hard work pays off but, beating up and robbing the guy that works hard is usually less time intensive.