Thursday, November 30, 2006

Another Poo Story

Here is a poo story forwarded to me from a friend. It has soldiers and poo, but surprisingly doesn't have anything to do with B-Cack.

We were in TQ the night before, and before our mission we eat supper there. Well it was mexican night and I love mexican food. I got my belly full for the night and we went back and loaded all our gear up in our HMMWVs. My stomach felt a little funny, but not just hurting, you know.

Well we got all ready to go and they let us go out the gate and we where heading back to Tallil where I am stationed. (Let me go ahead and say this TQ area is run by the Marines. I have several Marine friends and I’m not bashing them at all.) We’d been rolling about maybe 30 min. when the pains hit me. I was gunning tonight and I told my driver we may have to stop very, very soon and quick like. Well I tried my dangest to hold on but I could not.

Well let me skip to my team. My driver swapped channels and told my team what kind of shape I was in and they thought it would be a good night to have some fun at my expense.

Well I could not take it no more. I told them we have to stop and stop now! I am dieing by this time. I had to get out of that HMMWV and relieve my self! Ok now picture this… I am in full battle rattle…everything on…even the nut protector! (I might add they require that now. go figure) Well I unplug my head set and jump out of turret and onto the ground. I go running to get to the back of the HMMWV. I might add also we are outside of the wire and in a hot spot so I am a little scared here but I am in such pain I can't help it.

Ok I run to the back of HMMWV. We are the last one. I jerk my pants down and it hit me… I forgot my toilet paper dang it! I pull my pants up some and go to the back of truck open door and grab paper towels and close door and run back to the rear of truck. Well I jerk my pants down and it all just hit me. I was hurting so bad I grabbed the back of the HMMWV’s bumper and holding on to it I am looking around with my NVGs (night vision goggles)

I am squatted down behind HMMWV holding on to the bumper and feels like all my insides are coming out when I noticed the bumper slowly moving away. My driver was easing away on me! Here I am with all this gear on with my pants down, ass exposed and holding on for dear life here squatted down here and my support is driving off! Ok I don't panic I start duck walking with my HMMWV. I might add I was not letting go. I had to have this bumper for support. Plus it was my cover. Well I am still letting it all come out and my driver speeds up more! I can’t keep up here so l let go of bumper. I am out in the open pants down and taking a shit and all of a sudden I get a huge spot light thrown on me! I just about faint because I thought it was an explosion for a split second.

Come to find out it was a Marine check point and they had me lit up, pants down, blinded now because I had my NVG's on. Now I am squatting down here in the middle of the desert all exposed for the world with a spot light on me and some Marines watching me.

So what do I do? I just finish my thing and pull my pants up and say, “boy the moon is bright tonight.” They all busted out laughing. Well come to find out my team had planned this for me. They knew the check point was there and it just happened to work out that’s where we had to stop. I never seen them getting out in such a hurry. It was embarrassing for sure but it sure was funny. It helps with the tension too.

So the Marines got a sight full and my team got a good laugh. I will not eat mexican food at TQ no more. What a memory for sure.


At 6:11 PM, Blogger Ssssteve said...

Mmmmm Mexican food!!! and Firssssssst!!!

At 9:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


As far a poo stories go, this one def ranks a ten.

At 7:29 AM, Anonymous K in Dallas said...

Farts and bodily function stories are always funny.

At 4:23 PM, Blogger SeanS said...

Oh so funny!


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