Monday, November 13, 2006

Big Box of Porn

Some of you may know that B-Cack has been deployed to Iraq(u). This offers me two benefits. One is that I have an imbedded reporter that will send back stories of what’s really going on, and two is that I get to prepare a care package for B-Cack.

I know that some of your sensibilities may be offended by this, but it must be done. I know what troops need while on deployment having been on deployment before. Back in the late 90’s, Clinton in his infinite wisdom went to clean up the image of soldiers. This resulted in making sure that no spank mags would be sold at AAFES establishments. While they still sell Playboy at the PX, sometimes this isn’t enough to get the juices flowing; so to speak. Airbrushed pictures of super beautiful women are nice but, sometimes you need a picture of a skank, that looks like she would do anything with a pulse, doing unspeakable things with inanimate objects to jump start your imagination for “alone time”.

This is why I am currently working on getting together a big box of porn to send to B-Cack. Variety is the spice of life and I plan to make sure that there is enough variety to last him a whole deployment. Along with the porn there will also be a few other items that I think he will find interesting. I’m planning on sending him an inflatable midget (cause that’s just plain funny), a box of sharpie markers to let everyone know that Joe Porter runs shit around there, and a whole bunch of chapstick.

I know that some of you would like to help out with the Big Box of Porn but are way to modest to actually go into a porn shop to buy dirty magazines. Not to mention, that spank mags are quite expensive. That’s why I’ve set up the Big Box of Porn donation page. All proceeds of these donations will go straight for getting troops pornography. B-Cack will of course distribute the stroke pictures amongst the men of his unit, and will also distribute them to other units depending on how much money is collected to buy porn.

24 Comments:

At 1:18 PM, Blogger Insolublog said...

That will look good on IRS Schedule A form 1040.

 
At 1:20 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

I can't really say that it's tax deductible. I'll have to pay taxes on the money that's donated, but it's worth it to cheer up some soldiers.

 
At 1:58 PM, Anonymous lil' B-Cack said...

Can my donation go toward buying the troops lotion? An essential when sending a big box-o-porn. Oh, and for B-Cack's don't forget the shocker vids... I'm the best sister ever, aren't I?

 
At 2:02 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Ah yes lotion, sure thing. That will go in the box but, lotion can be bought at the PX where as porn can not.

 
At 5:56 PM, Anonymous lil' b-cack said...

Fine. Get technical on me. I'm sorry I'm not a perv and dont' know all this stuff. I'm just trying to help soldiers get off...

 
At 5:56 PM, Anonymous lil' b-cack said...

Fine. Get technical on me. I'm sorry I'm not a perv and dont' know all this stuff. I'm just trying to help soldiers get off...

 
At 7:22 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Maybe you should rephrase that before your brother kicks your ass.

 
At 7:41 PM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

I have no comment on porn or little sisters.

Thanks for your service, however, DPT.
Honestly.

However, I am not sending you any porn, because you did not send me any goat sandwiches!

 
At 7:42 PM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

And what's the story on the comment moderation?
I don't understand the last post completely.

 
At 8:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have images of guys pooling their money together for a porn run instead of a beer run. Sorry...just got a giggle. The sunken eyes and gaunt, ashen faces jonesin' for porn.

Ironic isn't it, though? Billy had his "live" porno going on and he was denying the soldiers their fun. Come to think of it he denied you guys proper supplies of everything, didn't he?

I have a former student there, like a son...don't want to even think about it!

 
At 8:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

OOOPS...didn't realize you had moderate on...maybe if I had read the next post. Really...I'm not blonde.

No need to post this.

 
At 8:03 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

The porn is not for me, it's for the troops who are deployed. I still have some goat left, when are you going to be in town?

 
At 8:06 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

RT,
I hope that you are not even trying to imagine guys huddled around a box of porn. It's much more discreet than that. I'll share a completely clean story about it tomorrow to help explain what deployment is like.

 
At 8:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't worry. I lived with a metal band and their friends who had their box-o-porn. I get it. Well...I mean I understand. I just have an overactive imaginiation and I had images of porn junkies jonesin' for a fix. I'm a visual person. :)

 
At 9:14 PM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

O.k. Mrs. visual for that I'll take pictures of the big box of porn before I ship it off.

 
At 11:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

No way can a deployment story be "completely clean".

Tricksy, tricksy. I won't believe it!

 
At 2:42 AM, Blogger The Conservative UAW Guy said...

I'll have to check my schedule.

 
At 7:23 AM, Anonymous FatWhiteMan said...

Not that I want one but I am curious, where does one procure an inflatable midget? And yes, that is just plain funny.

 
At 7:39 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Like anything else, google it. I wouldn't google it from work though.

 
At 11:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wait a minute...

...Why go through the trouble of buying an inflatable one when a real one would probably come close to fitting in the box?

Okay, let's say a real limber one...But wouldnt that add to the list of plusses? I mean, it would be cool and stuff to pull an inflatable midget out of a box - but it would rock if it was a real midget and he/she could put their legs up over their head...I mean, at least thats what I've heard and stuff.

I think it's good that you are facing the challenges of accumulating porn on behalf of your friend in the sand box. Oh, and before I forget - a hundred feet of plastic tarping mixed with a belly smeared with motion lotion goes a long way towards "fun in the sun." It makes a slip'n slide obsolete.

I know this to be true...Oh yes, its true baby!


A Fan

 
At 12:34 PM, Anonymous lil' B-Cack said...

My brother is in the sandbox at the moment... I dont' think he can kick my ass, so I'm free to say it... I'm trying to help soldiers get off! And I am STILL waiting for the pics of the inflatable midget DPT... Dont sham on me

 
At 4:10 PM, Blogger Tyler D. said...

This is THE greatest topic on any blog ever.

 
At 12:52 PM, Anonymous linda said...

You do know that porn is on the list of things NOT to send, don't you?

 
At 6:19 AM, Blogger Dr. Phat Tony said...

Doesn't matter to me. If they're confiscated no harm. If they aren't then I'm really making a difference.

 

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