Thursday, November 30, 2006

Another Poo Story

Here is a poo story forwarded to me from a friend. It has soldiers and poo, but surprisingly doesn't have anything to do with B-Cack.

We were in TQ the night before, and before our mission we eat supper there. Well it was mexican night and I love mexican food. I got my belly full for the night and we went back and loaded all our gear up in our HMMWVs. My stomach felt a little funny, but not just hurting, you know.

Well we got all ready to go and they let us go out the gate and we where heading back to Tallil where I am stationed. (Let me go ahead and say this TQ area is run by the Marines. I have several Marine friends and I’m not bashing them at all.) We’d been rolling about maybe 30 min. when the pains hit me. I was gunning tonight and I told my driver we may have to stop very, very soon and quick like. Well I tried my dangest to hold on but I could not.



Well let me skip to my team. My driver swapped channels and told my team what kind of shape I was in and they thought it would be a good night to have some fun at my expense.

Well I could not take it no more. I told them we have to stop and stop now! I am dieing by this time. I had to get out of that HMMWV and relieve my self! Ok now picture this… I am in full battle rattle…everything on…even the nut protector! (I might add they require that now. go figure) Well I unplug my head set and jump out of turret and onto the ground. I go running to get to the back of the HMMWV. I might add also we are outside of the wire and in a hot spot so I am a little scared here but I am in such pain I can't help it.

Ok I run to the back of HMMWV. We are the last one. I jerk my pants down and it hit me… I forgot my toilet paper dang it! I pull my pants up some and go to the back of truck open door and grab paper towels and close door and run back to the rear of truck. Well I jerk my pants down and it all just hit me. I was hurting so bad I grabbed the back of the HMMWV’s bumper and holding on to it I am looking around with my NVGs (night vision goggles)



I am squatted down behind HMMWV holding on to the bumper and feels like all my insides are coming out when I noticed the bumper slowly moving away. My driver was easing away on me! Here I am with all this gear on with my pants down, ass exposed and holding on for dear life here squatted down here and my support is driving off! Ok I don't panic I start duck walking with my HMMWV. I might add I was not letting go. I had to have this bumper for support. Plus it was my cover. Well I am still letting it all come out and my driver speeds up more! I can’t keep up here so l let go of bumper. I am out in the open pants down and taking a shit and all of a sudden I get a huge spot light thrown on me! I just about faint because I thought it was an explosion for a split second.



Come to find out it was a Marine check point and they had me lit up, pants down, blinded now because I had my NVG's on. Now I am squatting down here in the middle of the desert all exposed for the world with a spot light on me and some Marines watching me.


So what do I do? I just finish my thing and pull my pants up and say, “boy the moon is bright tonight.” They all busted out laughing. Well come to find out my team had planned this for me. They knew the check point was there and it just happened to work out that’s where we had to stop. I never seen them getting out in such a hurry. It was embarrassing for sure but it sure was funny. It helps with the tension too.



So the Marines got a sight full and my team got a good laugh. I will not eat mexican food at TQ no more. What a memory for sure.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Hole in the Universe

Hey everyone. I just forwarded a whole bunch of phones to each other creating a large loop and then called one. I got a busy signal, but I think that by doing this I might have torn a hole in our universe. The bad part is I’m not sure where the where the hole would be. If you see anything strange leave it in the comment section so I know how much time I have left before the universe collapses into itself.

I'm sorry for any inconvenience that might result in the destruction of our universe.

Friday, November 24, 2006

Westboro Baptist Church (Video)

I drove the funeral today to see the lunatics of Westboro Baptist Church protest outside of an innocent victims funeral. Luckily Huntsville had their act together and pretty much thwarted their insanity. That sultry sounding voice you hear is yours truly.


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What Happened:

I know the video is pretty bad quality but here is the jist of it. Me and a buddy drove by the funeral this morning. The first time we drove by the fools from Westboro Baptist church (all 10 of them) where about a block down and on the other side of the street from the church. There was already a pretty hefty amount of police directing traffic. The funeral hadn't started yet and neither had the protestors. There were a few from the Patriot Guard roaming around but as it turned out they weren't needed. As soon as the protestors picked up there signs and went to the spot they wanted to stand and be fools, Huntsville city moved two buses in front of them so that you literally had to be 100 yards down the road to see any of them. There were other counter protestors around with encouraging signs and a few veterans that just wanted to counter anything that Fred Phelps and Westboro Baptist Church did. It turned out o.k. The real test will be tomorrow though. The church the funeral was at this morning was farther away from the neighborhoods than tomorrows funeral. I'm not sure if I'll drive by that one and try to take pictures and bad video. I'll think about it.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Westboro Baptist Loons

Update now with video

Normally I write about things that are pretty inconsequential to the grand scheme of things, but today I actually am going to report some news.

Westboro Baptist Church, lead by the infamous Fred Phelps, is planning to protest the funerals of the victims of a horrible bus accident this weekend. On Monday a school bus transporting Lee High School students, was involved in an accident that sent the bus off of an elevated highway 30ft to the ground below, killing 4 students.

A press release, issued by the Westboro Baptist Church this morning (warning link sends you to the Westboro Baptis Church site), states that they are coming to Huntsville Alabama to protest the funerals of two of the victims of this horrible accident, Christine Collier age 17 and Nicole Ford age 18.

Click to magnify.

Click to magnify.

Commentary:

North-West Huntsville is a predominantly minority community. What’s more is that both students that the Westboro Baptist Church members plan to protest, are having funerals at black churches in a predominantly black neighborhoods. One church is just off Alabama A&M’s (a predominantly black college) campus. I would think, a couple of white bigots protesting in a black neighborhood, at a black church, where a black student, who has had nothing to do with any homosexual agenda, is a recipe for disaster. Although I’m all for Reverend Phelps receiving his just rewards, I’m not for any friends and family of the deceased being arrested for reacting to a bunch of assholes during an extremely stressful and emotionally charged event before the holidays. I’m pretty sure that Bill Oreilly Mike Gallagher once made a deal with the lunatics in Westboro Baptist Church to trade air time on his show to prevent them from protesting at the funeral when the Amish children were slain in their schoolhouse. Is there anyone willing to do this now?

I’m emailing this story out in hopes to keep the neighborhood I grew up in free from the insanity of the Westboro Baptist Church. The repercussions of them demonstrating in North-West Huntsville will be costly to the community. It only takes one family member to be arrested for assaulting one of the protestors to light a powder keg of community rage.

UPDATE: The Patriot Guard have taken up the cause even though it's out of their regular scope.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Coincidence

Does anyone remember in GhostBusters whe Dr. Venkman said "...dogs and cats living together - mass hysteria." when describing the end of the world?

Democrats control both houses and now this.

Coincidence?

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

It's Been a While

It's been a while since I've gone and done something completely sexist, so enjoy.



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Monday, November 13, 2006

Big Box of Porn

Some of you may know that B-Cack has been deployed to Iraq(u). This offers me two benefits. One is that I have an imbedded reporter that will send back stories of what’s really going on, and two is that I get to prepare a care package for B-Cack.

I know that some of your sensibilities may be offended by this, but it must be done. I know what troops need while on deployment having been on deployment before. Back in the late 90’s, Clinton in his infinite wisdom went to clean up the image of soldiers. This resulted in making sure that no spank mags would be sold at AAFES establishments. While they still sell Playboy at the PX, sometimes this isn’t enough to get the juices flowing; so to speak. Airbrushed pictures of super beautiful women are nice but, sometimes you need a picture of a skank, that looks like she would do anything with a pulse, doing unspeakable things with inanimate objects to jump start your imagination for “alone time”.

This is why I am currently working on getting together a big box of porn to send to B-Cack. Variety is the spice of life and I plan to make sure that there is enough variety to last him a whole deployment. Along with the porn there will also be a few other items that I think he will find interesting. I’m planning on sending him an inflatable midget (cause that’s just plain funny), a box of sharpie markers to let everyone know that Joe Porter runs shit around there, and a whole bunch of chapstick.

I know that some of you would like to help out with the Big Box of Porn but are way to modest to actually go into a porn shop to buy dirty magazines. Not to mention, that spank mags are quite expensive. That’s why I’ve set up the Big Box of Porn donation page. All proceeds of these donations will go straight for getting troops pornography. B-Cack will of course distribute the stroke pictures amongst the men of his unit, and will also distribute them to other units depending on how much money is collected to buy porn.

Friday, November 10, 2006

I had to go and do it

Well some asshole decided to go and search through a database and start linking to people's personal information. Because of this I've had to start moderating my comments.


It sucks but until I know the person who is doing it has given up and quit, this will just be the way it has to be. Thanks Asshole.

What’s New

I haven‘t wrote in a while. This is due to lack of motivation and time more so than anything else. The Republicans lost the House and Senate; I manage to sleep all right despite this. America has overcome much more gruesome things than this. Before ’92 they controlled Congress for 40 years. The face of the Democratic Party has changed some since then (now it’s pulled tight like the head of snare drum through the use of botox and plastic surgery buh dum dum dum) but I’m not going to run out to stock pile my nuclear shelter yet.

Next on my list is Veteran’s Day. How many of you think that only Veterans should have Veteran’s Day off? I think it would be an interesting day to find out what all those stupid people that joined the armed forces do now. I’m thinking that you would probably have a hard time getting fast food. /sarcasm Stupid Kerry!

Lastly, in the infinite wisdom of the FCC, I have been granted a license to transmit across radio waves. The world is mine, I tell you. Anyway, I’m a licensed HAM radio operator now. I probably won’t really do anything with it; it’s just something that’s nice to have if I need to use it at work.

Everyone have a good weekend, and remember to thank a Veteran by buying him my swag.

Phat Tony out.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

John Kerry

On Halloween, all types of idiots and half wits come out from the woodwork and seem to be everywhere. Yup, that’s right, John Kerry made an appearance at a left wing hippie college in California and gave a speech on education. But what he said was completely out of line. In a nutshell, he stressed the importance of education saying that if you take your classes seriously, and do your homework and make an effort to be smart, you will make something out of your life and if you don’t you will get “stuck in Iraq.”

I have more respect and admiration for the men and women who have the courage to serve our country than for anybody that has a degree. It takes a much bigger person to be willing to die for his country than it does to drink mocha lattes and show up to class for 4 years. What John Kerry said is a slap in the face to all the men and women who have served, and who are selflessly serving our county, as well as to their families. I have my big brother and a really good friend over there right now and they have made more of themselves than I ever can with a piece of paper saying I’m educated. I feel personally offended by what John Kerry said, as well as outraged as an American. Even if you don’t support the war, support the troops. It’s not their fault they are over there, they are doing their job and we should be grateful there are heroes like that to protect us and our way of life. John Kerry is a disgrace to this county, and a traitor. It’s as simple as that.
Little B-Cack