Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Troops + Lunch = Appreciated

First off I want to thank the fruit of my looms DR Phat Tony for allowing his feeble nearly blind old man to post a little suggestion to all of the DPT readers I have come to know and respect. I would like to propose a take a troop to lunch campaign. To honor our soldiers by buying them lunch when the opportunity presents its self. If you happen to see a soldier at the restaurant you are at, just walk up thank him for his service to our country hand him a note with this or your website address. Ask them to leave a comment about their view on how they are being portrayed in the media or how they feel about the war and its out come. Tell him his lunch is on you and have the waitress bring his check to you. I would like to see more soldiers come by the site and get a well deserved pat on the back. I would also like some one to come up with a Take A Soldier To Lunch business card. I’m pretty sure I can fork out enough for a PLATO T shirt, or a DPT coffee cup for the winner.

Now if my son doesn’t edit this to sound like a mentally deranged rant from his father. I think this is a wonderful idea. We happen to live at an Army base so we see a lot of soldiers. Get the card ideas rolling I need them to hand out.

With all respect
Pop

Thursday, March 22, 2007

The Second Job

Some of you might remember that I said I was going to be working two jobs for a little while in order to do some home improvement. Well, just finished my three weeks of training and am now ready to go out there and help the masses with their TV. Yes, I’m working as customer service for a subscription broadcast company (whose name will be with held so that I never have to talk to any of you guys about why your remote doesn’t work.)

So far I only have one good story since I haven’t actually taken a call. In class, to fill time, we were asked to make a presentation to sell our company’s product to a specific demographic. My team was given a “single father of three” to target our “commercial” to. We were given a large sheet of paper to make some graphics and the time to come up with a presentation. While I’m not all that talented, I think I had ¾ of my team beat in the talent department. Luckily there was a person that had some skill with drawing so that I could speak with something that might take attention away from my presentation….or not as it turns out.

This is how it went.

Are you a single dad with three kids ‘cause your wife ran off with a male dancer? Is your wallet light because that same woman took half of your stuff? Well stop beating yourself up for marrying a thieving whore. Let us (name of company) entertain you.

Our (name of some family programming) will keep your kids occupied forever so that you won’t have to interact with them. Instead of spending quality time with your, soon to be in therapy, brood, sit them down for a couple of hours in front of the TV so that you can play online poker and search for porn in peace. When the little bastards finally fall asleep from coming down off a sugar rush, you can then entertain yourself by watching premium channels like: HBO, where you get series where they curse and occasionally show you some boobies. Cinemax, where after midnight, it only takes 30 seconds for women to take off their clothes in a completely classless movie, where the only plot is to get as close to the X rating without stepping over the line. Or lastly, our premium sports programming, where you can watch all the sports that don’t matter. Ever wondered who the world champion in ping-pong was, or who took first at the European games in water polo? Well you’ll find out with this abortion of what we call programming because you won’t see any sports that Americans will watch on it.

We know life can be tough as a single dad with no chance for of getting laid because you can’t bring a woman home and let her know that you weren’t man enough to hold onto your woman. That’s why (name of company)’s motto is; “(Name of company) less expensive than a date and more dignified than a hooker.”

Friday, March 16, 2007

Self Deprecating Humor

Dear God,
Although I’m quite disappointed that I’m not as talented as this kid, I’m ever thankful I don’t have the problem that inspired his song.
Amen


My Little Secret - Click Here for more great videos and pictures!

Thursday, March 15, 2007

Found Innocent by Google

So, I haven’t been posting lately because Google says that I’m a spam blog. This is partly due to my salty language and pork laden munitions. Here is what they sent me when things finally were fixed.

Hello,

Your blog has been reviewed, verified, and cleared for regular use so that
it will no longer appear as potential spam. (Yippee! Some one is actually reading my stuff. Did you donate money to send porn to troops? How does one appear to be spam? My blog is only square because of Windows and is much better for you than processed meat.) If you sign out of Blogger and
sign back in again, you should be able to post as normal. (I have yet do anything resembling normal. Can I go back to posting the same kind of crap I was posting before?)

Thanks for your
patience, and we apologize for any inconvenience this has caused. (The world has changed so much since last time I posted that I doubt I’ll ever be able to catch up now. Thanks a lot blogger!)
Sincerely,
The Blogger Team
(Eat me!)